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Original poster

Separated families and social distancing

29 replies

Foreverwashingclothes · 18/03/2020 07:10

What are people doing about their separated families and social distancing? My ex is due to have the children this weekend, with his gf and her daughter who would of seen her dad this week. I will be having my bf and his children staying over tonight and tomorrow after they have just been to their mums who also has a step daughter who stays over regularly. This is our normal set up but doesn’t exactly sit with the social distancing. We are just one family and are Lots of households with the movement of children. Is it ok to just carry on as we normally do? I don’t see what we can do about this?

OP posts:
Ann87 · 18/03/2020 07:15

I'm actually wondering the same my dd is due at her dads this weekend he lives with his gf and her dc not sure what to do ? X

delilahbucket · 18/03/2020 07:18

My ds is not going to his dad's this weekend. I would not be having anyone in the household who doesn't normally live with me.

Original poster
Foreverwashingclothes · 18/03/2020 07:22

@delilahbucket that would mean my bf can’t come to stay with us for months? My children can’t see their dad? My bf can’t see his children? What about working around when they are off school? Some of us work for the NHS and need help with this with the other parent

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Herja · 18/03/2020 07:24

Mine are 60/40. With me more of the time. There are no other children at either house at any point (now anyway, obviously friends before). We are continuing as normal, but all handovers being done by car only, with the agreement that if either house goes in to isolation, then both are for the full 2 weeks.

If we go in to lockdown, hopefully provisions are made. I can see no safety issues at all with our plans.

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 18/03/2020 07:27

I saw an argument which was very heated on someone's front garden yesterday. From what i could tell, mum wouldn't let the kids in because they has been at dad's. The kids were distressed and i felt very sorry for them Sad

midnightstar66 · 18/03/2020 07:30

DC are also due to go to their dads this weekend. I know for a fact he'll be ignoring all hygiene measures and any isolation needs. His girlfriend works in the community and her child goes to a different large school to mine. I'd like to keep them home but I know he'll kick off. Also worried he might use it as a chance to try and keep them

midnightstar66 · 18/03/2020 07:31

@TheBitchOfTheVicar that's really sad, I'd be getting my kids home even if they were all infected

Original poster
Foreverwashingclothes · 18/03/2020 07:33

@Herja that sounds fine as it’s only two households involved. We have about 6, my ex’s GF, my ex, mine, my bfs, his ex, her bf and his ex (this list might extend) all kids are aged between 4 and 11.
We won’t argue about it anywhere but just looking for the best thing to do? My bf could move into mine for now as that’s the plan in the summer but don’t think that really makes much difference as my concern is the movement between the children as we are all with partners with children from previous relationships and most of our situation have 50/50 care so children actually all have two homes

OP posts:
Original poster
Foreverwashingclothes · 18/03/2020 07:38

@TheBitchOfTheVicar that is really awful. There’s no way I wouldn’t let my kids home, infected or not.
@midnightstar66 that’s worrying for you. A lot of our set up works in the NHS so likely to be around it/bring it in. I honestly don’t know what’s best. We are likely to be in contact with the virus at some point yet sharing the kids around like it doesn’t matter. On the other hand we need to carry on so we can all go to work

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delilahbucket · 18/03/2020 07:41

That is the mixing of 6/7 households. It really isn't the idea behind social distancing. We're all up the creek with school closures and unfortunately it is attitudes of "just carry on as normal" why countries have gone into full lockdown.

Dontlickthetrolley · 18/03/2020 07:46

We are continuing as normal, he works in Health and Safety so the only time he does listen (!) and he has been told to work from home by his department so no real concerns. If schools close early, we will ship the kids backwards and forwards, it's unfair for them not to see their dad. Not really worked out the plan if anyone is ill.

Mumsie43 · 18/03/2020 07:53

Skype, FaceTime if anyone gets caught up with illness or isolation issues could be a option.

PurpleDaisies · 18/03/2020 07:57

If they’re not actually isolated because they’re (or you’re) ill, they should see their dad.

If the situation or government advice changes, you can both review what’s best but for now, I would consider that essential contact.

TheCanterburyWhales · 18/03/2020 08:05

If you are in the UK you'll have to wait and see what regulations come into force, but lockdown in most countries has meant a household stays in its house. Apart from one member of that house who is allowed to food/essential shop.
As pps have said, one person visits a house other than their own and is exposed whilst exposing. This thing is growing exponentially as it is, without helping it by going to stay with family members.
Separated parents will probably decide which household is best for the children to stay in. But then they stay there.

DiscoDown · 18/03/2020 08:10

We're planning on carrying on as normal for the moment (50:50, travel to each house by car, only 1 adult in each house and my son going between the 2) unless anyone has to self isolate or we're told we can't do it.

Merryweather80 · 18/03/2020 08:17

Some of us would be breaking court orders if we didn't send the children. Does this mean I have no choice?
It's all such a grey area.
We have to go into isolation - so what do I do?
Any legal people here willing to advise?

TolstoyAteMyHamster · 18/03/2020 08:27

This is really worrying me. I believe in France children can go between homes - can anyone clarify? Because that is the assumption we are currently working on but if that won’t be the case we need to pick a home, and none of us know how to do that. Children distraught at the idea of not seeing one parent for weeks or months.

Dhalandchips · 18/03/2020 08:38

I'm watching with interest.. My two are due at their dad's this weekend too

DuchenneParent · 18/03/2020 08:42

We are in self isolation because DS is high risk with a serious medical condition. Unfortunately DSS is having to stay away at his mums, who was understanding about it. Lots of Skype contact- DS and DSS really love each other so it is a sad situation to separate them, and obviously DSS and his dad.

If we didn't have an at risk person in the house, I think we would be going ahead as normal. I don't see a child having access to both parents as 'unnecessary' contact, which is what the advice is to avoid.

TheCanterburyWhales · 18/03/2020 08:44

Legal people won't know either because any lockdown law will override anything else. It's emergency legislation.
It's atrocious the way it's being handled in the UK with the dripfeeding of information. It's like a badly written MN thread with Boris as the dripfeeding troll.

TheCanterburyWhales · 18/03/2020 08:45

France only went into lockdown yesterday so are still a work in progress. Italy has been in lockdown longer and you cannot go between two houses.
UK legislation might be different.

Lightuptheroom · 18/03/2020 08:48

Ds has contacted his dad (ds is older teen) and explained he won't be going there for the foreseeable, step mum works in NHS and my DH (step dad) is in an at risk category so sensible to limit tooing and froing between different parts of the country.

Sparrowlegs248 · 18/03/2020 08:52

We are in self isolation, me and 2 Dc showing symptoms. I spoke to their dad. He still turned up for his "usual" visit at my house. This is exactly why it's spreading as it is.

KiddingMyself · 18/03/2020 08:53

It will be fine when it is actually legislated. Until then we have the prospect of breaching court orders

midnightstar66 · 18/03/2020 08:56

My court order has a note about being flexible on set weekends to suit circumstances so hopefully that would protect me legally