Should I have another baby?

[Prufrock]

I really can't believe I'm posting this. After 2 horrendous pregnancies (I had all day sickness for about 15 weeks, then obstetric cholestasis, whcih causes terrible itching), dh and I had agreed that we would stick with 2 children rather than the 3 that we had originally said we wanted. I was so sure of this that I have even looked into being sterilised - but there was something stopping me from actually going ahead and doing it.
Anyway, last night, dh admitted that he would really like another child. I jokingly said "no problem - as long as we have a full time nanny so I can just go to bed for 9 months" and he said we could! Due to developments at his work we probably will soon be in the very fortunate position of being able to afford a full time nanny for a couple of years. So now my practical objetions to having another pregnancy have dissapeared. And I did always say that I wold like another child, just not another pregnancy. But I'd sort of got used to the fact that our family was complete. I've just signed up for a homeopathy course - although as it's home study I coudl still fit that in if I had help, and the decoration/layout I've planned for our new house only allows for 2 kids rooms

I am feeling very confused. Any advice would be much appreciated. In fact, if someone could just make up my mind for me I'd be very grateful.

Gosh, I have absolutely no advice Prufrock or enid but am [shocked] at both of you on this thread! Wow!

Er...babies are nice?

Small children have a maddening charm?

I honestly don't think there are reasons, bar the basic procreation-of-the-species ones, for having any children at all. It lies below logic, like desire.

Can you borrow a newborn and see how you feel? I know, it's not the same if it isn't yours but may be worth a go.

I suppose it is only 8 months of hell, which isn't much in the scheme of things. And you would have a full time nanny for that time. And you can afford it. And you want one. and you might as well get all the nappies/sleepless nights out of the way now because if you leave it you won't have another. And because you both wanted 3. Did you only stop because of the OC? (ONLY the OC! I know it's not ONLY OC!)

Depends whether she just has 30 minutes with a cuddlywuddly newborn bundle or five hours - say between 11pm and 4am with a screaming hellchild

Do it.
If you're not totally against then i'd say you were up for it! (?)
I REALLY want another one too. My dd1 is 4 and d2 is 4 months and i constantly think about double buggies and am working out how i'd cope with School r=uns and such like. I may start a thread on how difficult it is from 2 to 3.

(Mind you, that means i'll have to have sex again so maybe not! )

prufrock, if it is any help at all a friend of mine had horrible obstetric cholestasis with her first pregnancy (in fact was induced early because it was driving her so crazy) and had nothing with her second... which was twins! So it may not be the same the next time around.

Why did I have my third? Just a feeling that our family wasn't finished I guess.
Why am I pregnant with my fourth? Because I'm a bloody lunatic who clearly never wants to have 2 minutes to herself until she is about 50, I suppose. Can't think of another reason!

PPH, I think I don't have your email any more, could you send me one?

oooh yes mi, it changed a month or more ago, didn't I send it to you? Sorry!!

Babies turn into children. Children turn into teenagers. Think long and hard!

I thought I saw somewhere that you were pregnant with no 4 pph, congratulations!

Really PPH - that is very lucky. As I have had it twice now, and get slight symptoms every month before my period, and I have the early presenting version, I think it's pretty much guaranteed to happen. But thank you very much for trying to help . And I do think that if had a choice between twins or OC I would probably go for the OC!

So nobody had a 3rd child for a good reason?

Prufrock - I had 3 children and knew I wanted a fourth. My GP advised against it as third baby was affected by rhesus antibodies, was delivered early, ventilated for a week then needed a blood transfusion at 6 weeks. I knew another baby might be affected more severly but i just knew I wanted a bigger family and that the rhesus problem could be medically managed. I am 1 of 5, and though we do not see each other regularly, we are all at the end of the phone if needed. Whenever there is a family crisis then we are all there supporting each other. I wanted my children to have siblings for support for each other through adult life. I know that does not always work out and brothers and sisters may fall out, but it is far more likely that they will be there for each other.
Baby nubmer 4 was not delivered as early as her brother but she did need 3 exchange transfusions. As expected the technology was there to treat her.
Life is hectic with 4 and ultimately expensive. If you wrote down all the cons in advance you wouldn't even have ONE baby.
I too spent each early pregnancy with my head down the pan. Vomited the longest with her till 16 weeks. But you soon forget it when you pass through that phase.

Do what your heart tells you.

I have 3. Dh and I are both middle of 3. It never occurred to either of us that we would have less than 3, adn I in fact always wanted 4. However, I suffered 3 times from very bad pubis symphisis/sacroilliac pain, and third child was bigger than other two so pregnancy and birth much more painful. As I was giving birth I knew that if I had another the chances were the whole thing would be worse again, and as I was laboriously sewn up I knew, absolutely knew that I didn't want to do it again. My baby is now 3 and I haven't faltered on that, although I have done much soul-searching just to make sure. With that 3rd pregnancy, i had a f/t nanny for 6 months (3 pre-birth and 3 post) as I cannot be pregnant and be a mummy at the same time, as I am so incapacitated. I don't feel I would be prepared to make that sacrifice again. Didn't regret it a bit at the time.
I think that if you are thinking about it you will have it (god willing). You don't need a reason. I think I just always felt when I was growing up that the bigger families always had more fun, so stopping at two was never ever even remotely an option.

OK. Opposing view here (just to see if it shakes your thoughts). I have two and my dh has just had the snip. They are four and six.

Two is great! One for each parent to carry, one for special trips with each parent. One each for reading stories and giving cuddles. Two to play together, and not "three's a crowd". Of course I'm sure you know the money things, as that goes right through life.

I'm one of four and my dh is one of three. We have decided against more because basically we didn't enjoy babies very much, and pregancy/birth didn't help our relationship much.

In some ways I would like a larger family, but we have decided that if we still want that in a few years time, we will adopt (four year old and up only!).

Good luck on your choice! Not sure you will ever make an entirely rational choice though.

so???
a friend who's just returned from maternity leave who has a similarly annoying condition during pg has decided No More (she has 2, and is nearly 40), mainly because of the medical stuff.

Why do you want another baby? Goodness me, I agree with MI, if you thought about that too much you wouldn't have any kids at all. Wanting babies isn't logical, it's emotional so you can't explain it. And babies, as my son says quite often, 'are lovely to cuddle'.
In fact, if you can afford it, want it, believe you have the emotional stamina, a willing partner and the physical room for it, I think you are mad not to have more.
The nanny would swing it for me, definitely, but then I didn't have OC or morning sickness.
Oooh babies are lovely. And if I were PPH I'd have four too. I feel so incredibly lucky that I have a lovely stepdaughter so at least am a part time mother of three.

I can think of a few good reasons for having 3 or more.We have 3,though no3 was a bit of a surprise(well due to carelesness,rather than any contraceptive failure).And we would like a 4th at some point.I think it is nice for the children to have more than just one sibling-more variety in their relationships.It makes them more adaptable,and realise that the world does not revolve around them.I find I am much more relaxed now that I have 3,as I don't have time to get hung up on the unimportant stuff(such as what they wear).I also feel it's good not to have all your eggs in one(or two!)basket(s),so to speak.It's great to see the differences between them.Eventhough I felt guilty for being so inactive with my older 2 at the end of my last pregnancy,it didn't bother them at all as within a few weeks ds1 was talking about the next baby!I suppose I am biased as I am one of 5,and I'm Irish ,larger families are the norm here.

I have 5 so obviously would say go for it!!! but wwonder if its taking a while to decide if its what you really want?

We were tentatively thinking of this the other day, but then dd2 got croup/chest infection (up alllll hours) and dd1 was wailing and tantruming so we looked at each other and thought....ermmmmm, no.

I am thinking of no 6!!!! Not sur about DH though!!!!

Prufrock, I absolutely understand your desire to have a third baby. It's a difficult one, isn't it?
I follow your posts with interest because I too am a fellow sufferer of O.C. I couldn't decide whether to post this but it might make you ponder about another pregnancy.
I had O.C. in my first 2 pregnancies so it was not a surprise when I developed it again with baby no.3. Luckily the itching didn't kick in until about 31 weeks or so but nonetheless, towards the end, my appetite had completely gone and I felt generally unwell. I was closely monitored by the obstetricians and had regular bloods, etc. done. By the end of week 36 my urine was deep yellow and LFT's and Bile acids went through the roof so it was advised that I should have the baby delivered within the day. My c-section was carried out later that day as planned, not as an emergency. Unbelievably, it was all going well but much to everyone's surprise the baby had been in some 'distress' but it had not shown up in anyway, not even on the ctg readings. She was covered in meconium, even the umbilical cord was heavily stained bright yellow, and she had inhaled some of it. They were not sure how long she had been like this because it didn't all happen during surgery. She had to be ventilated in the neonatal unit for a few days but thankfully she made a full recovery. The drama continued. My clotting times were checked before theatre but an hour after my section I had a large post partum haemorrhage and needed an urgent blood transfusion. I have never been so scared in all my life.
We were vey fortunate and we both were fine after ordeal. I'm absolutely convinced that the O.C. was responsible for her ultimate distress and my massive blood loss. The deterioration in my blood results was the only indication that they needed to proceed with the delivery. The staff were great and I can't fault them. I shudder to think of the outcome if I had been left for another week.
I would not consider another pregnancy again. To me, it's too much of health risk and I know for sure that I would develop obstetric cholestasis again. Each time it has definitely got worse. I'm not sure how useful this is but I just wanted you to know how it was for me with the same condition.