Basic advice needed on TTC!

[littlestar]

We've been ttc for about 6 months - I'm feeling frustrated as I'm 36 and got pregnant with DS straight away (he's now 18 months).

I'm trying not to let it get me down but I'm starting to wonder whether a more scientific approach is needed. So far, we've been doing lots of random BD'ing and not much else.

It's 17 days since my last period ended. Today I had a mucus-y discharge and I've just started getting pains (which I have always assumed are ovulation pains but I could be wrong).

My questions are; when should we be BD'ing? Poor DH turns pale every time I drag him up to the bedroom "for another try", so it would be nice to concentrate our efforts so we're doing it at my most fertile time.

Secondly, should we be using persona or something else to increase our chances? I'm embarassed to admit that I know so little about these things, but I feel like time is running out and I need all the help I can get.

I would really appreciate hearing anyone's thoughts before DH collapses in an exhausted heap!

I was using OPK's but apparently they only detect the surge of hormones and the egg can actually be released later than the surge, so i was told by GP that they are not very reliable.
My cycle is 36 days and i was told by GP that the best chance would be 7-10 days before first day of next AF.
I cant really offer much as we have been trying for over 12months and i feel i have had so much different advice that dp and i have been BD'ing every other night for the last 3 weeks just incase.
Someone will be along shortly who will know more, in the meantime - get him upstairs!!!!

Hi littlestar, most people (and I stress "most", not everyone), ovs around day 14 of a 28 day cycle, although it can be much earlier or later. BDing around ov time is a pretty good idea, and I think a few days before and after should cover your most fertile period.

A lot of people find that drinking grapefruit juice and taking some cough medicine (specific active ingredient) from CD1 to ov helps improve the consistency of the cm and make it a better environment for the sperm.

Check out the Hopeing for a Positive November thread for lots more help and advice

Sorry to hijack - whats CD1?

The first day of full bleed of your period - cycle day 1

littlestar, egg white cervical mucus is a sign that you're about to ov. So you should make the most of it and bd now !
Good luck to your dh !

nixc, CD1 is cycle day 1, the first day of your period.

Oh dear, I have just had a horrible row with DH so no BD'ing for us tonight

maybe you could have some "make up" bd'ing??

littlestar - the egg-white mucus is the most reliable indicator of imminent ovulation. It becomes very stretchy immediately prior to ovulation and dries up completely very soon afterwards.

An excellent book to read is "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. It tells you absolutely everything you need to know about your cycle.

Good luck!

Littlestar

Get away from this idea of bding at the right time - two or three times a week throughout the month is fine. Timing of intercourse is a bad idea full stop.

Would not suggest you use persona either as this can add to your frustrations over time.

Unfortunately it does not always follow that if you fell pg quickly the first time you will the second. Your scenario is actually not all that uncommon. Generally speaking fertility does decline with age.

What are your periods like - if they have become more irregular over time I would seek medical advice from your GP sooner rather than later. It may pay dividends to visit your GP to have a blood test done to see what your hormone levels are like; this will give an accurate picture re ovulation unlike other methods which can mislead.

Time is not running out for you!!. Put that thought out of your mind too.

agree with atilla, as long as you and your dh have a healthy sex life ie. 2-3 times a week, you are likely to fall pg if you are not using any contraception. Also, taking all the time to use grapefruit juice/wee on ovulation sticks/make sure that you're having sex at the right time and in the right position and ensuring that the sperm don't escape can put a tremendous amount of stress on both your body and your relationship. And stress can actually delay and in some cases even prevent ovulation.

It wouldn't hurt to go and see your gp to make sure that all is ok though.

good luck x

I completely disagree with Attila. I had dd after 2 years ttc thinking oh well it will happen when it has to, not planning intercourses. I was not prepared to wait for so long with #2 and after only 2 months of charting my temp and my CM I fell pg. I'm now 6 weeks pg, thanks to timing bding well.

and definitely read weschler's book, it explains everything you need to be aware of when ttc-ing.

I don't mind people disagreeing with my writings but I do write based on scientific fact. Temp charting and the like can be very problematic over time and can cause yet more stress. You can for instance have a rise in temperature in the second half of your cycle when an egg has not been shed. Many gynaes as well do not use temp charts for their patients precisely because they can be unreliable.

Simple investigative tests such as a blood test for yourself to check your hormones and a semen analysis for your DH will do no harm at all. Both of you should be checked out, subfertility problems are not just the preserve of the female.

I think not knowing what is happening when you've been ttc-ing for years is a lot more stressful than charting (and I'm talking temping AND observation of CM AND cervix position) over time. Charting helps you detect problems like anovulation, too short a luteal phase, etc. Blood tests don't do any harm but cost money if you're below the nhs required age as I was. There's no money to be made in charting, which would explain why fertility consultants don't even mention it to their patients (I went through a laparoscopy that was completely unnecessary wihtout having been given any information whatsoever about the whole baby making process). And littlestar already has a child so it's doubtful that she or her dh have severe fertility issues.
Charting is a good way to start and can help pin point problems which can then be dealt with by the medical profession.

"And littlestar already has a child so it's doubtful that she or her dh have severe fertility issues."
My dd is almost 6, i have not conceived since having her, i have endometriosis and a blocked tube. I would say i have fertility issues and already having a child doesnt change that!
I have been planning when to BD for ages and it hasnt helped using CM and calenders and OPK. Now im just going for it!!!

Best of luck to you Nixc.

@going for it' isnt all bad

PPP

Its terrible you went through a lap operation - why were you not given any information beforehand?. You had a poor consultant/clinic to say the least. A patient should always be aware why these tests are done!. Was this at a private clinic btw?.

Would have to agree to differ re the charting - there is money to be made out of it (Toni Weschler writes books about charting) but many NHS consultants do not offer it primarily because it is not totally reliable. Its certainly not because they don't make money out of it - that sounds like a conspiracy theory. It is a tool that certainly can be used initially but a lot of women do get hung up on it. It is not helpful if periods are irregular in nature. It certainly should not be used longer term as a method because help can be sought that much earlier if a person goes to the GP.

Many gynaes anyway like to see people after a year of trying without success if under 35 and if over 35 after 6 months. If a person has been ttcing for years then they should seek medical help rather than hang on in there in the forlorn hope they will conceive readily.

It does not follow that if a person already has a child they will readily conceive a second. Secondary subfertility to give it its proper name is not all that uncommon. Fertility also declines with age. I have a child conceived as a result of fertility treatment and I still have fertility issues.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all your comments and advice and it has confirmed to me that there are lots of different ways to approach this. I picked up the Weschler book today but it looked pretty big and scary and I'm not quite ready for it yet! I'm pretty disorganised and get stressed and anxious very easily so I don't want to put more pressure on myself and DH than there already is.

I'm going to stock up on grapefruit juice and make appointments with the GP for both of us.

Hwo do the ovulation sticks work? Is it the same as charting? Sorry for being such a complete ignoramus!

Hope this help's good luck!

Try again fingers crossed

It worked >

Ovulation predictor kits - wee on the stick a bit like a pg test and you get a little line if it detects a surge in whatever hormone is released when ovulation is about to occur!
Sorry, very sketchy - just saying it as i see it
My Gp informed me last week that they are NOT very reliable at all.

Hello Attila -I was wondering if you could explain something for me? You said in an earlier post that "You can for instance have a rise in temperature in the second half of your cycle when an egg has not been shed." I was wondering what could make that happen if not the progestrone being released from the corpus luteum? or can the follicle release progestrone even if it has not been released by the ovary? Thanks!