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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Trying for a girl

51 replies

Fevdou · 10/01/2013 08:39

Hello,

This is my first ever post on mumsnet.

My husband and I are about to start trying for a baby. If we are successful the main think is that the baby is healthy but we would love a baby girl.

I have been doing some reading and for a girl it is best try to try a couple of days before ovulation. You can buy clearblue digital ovulation testing kit. This will tell you when there is luteinising hormone increase which happens 24 - 36 hrs before ovulation.

Silly question - does this mean that this well help us increase the chances of a girl?

Do you know of any other things we can do to increase our chances of having a girl?

Thank you

OP posts:
lollydollydrop · 10/01/2013 21:06

hmm OP, I know you are new to Mumsnet, and I myself am not an 'old-timer' but what I do know is that you may struggle to get too much in the way of advice on the topic? Am I right/wrong MN'ers? I think maybe you may find it more useful to find a special discussion forum especially for ladies who wish to gender influence. Its not very common/popular here and unfortunately lots of people are struggling to conceive any baby, let alone one of the 'right' (cringe) gender. I think this could be upsetting for a lot of people?

Anyway, science doesnt seem to think it is possible to influence the gender. Trying to find 'proof' is difficult. An old BBC news article

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7362541.stm

And from New Scientist (my OH is a science geek so we love this)

www.newscientist.com/article/dn19048-bumpology-choosing-the-sex-of-your-child.html

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 10/01/2013 21:48

lollydolly that NewScientist article was really interesting thanks for the link (or thank your oh).

I tend to be more forgiving re non parents saying they would prefer one gender over the other. In a kind of "you will soon learn" kind of way.

I was that naive once, I didn't know just how much you would love your child (regardless of gender or anything). Didn't realise pregnancy would be so horrible. I honestly thought I could get my dd to sleep through the night at 2 months old Blush. I didn't think going back to work would be so tough.

However if this post had come up just after a chemical pregnancy I think this post would have really upset me.

lollydollydrop · 10/01/2013 22:08

Yeah I agree, the young and inexperienced may be more guilty of this! I am glad that I have gotten past the obsession desire I once had.. now I am looking forward to the endless amount of shagging when TTC, no holds barred, any time, any position, orgasm aplenty!! Hmm

And as I get older I start to move from absolutely wanting to know the gender, to thinking actually it would be really nice if it was a surprise and would do our families head's in Funny eh?!

I must say though, this longing for a girl is with both me and my OH (he's a very special, caring, sensitive kind of guy so maybe he thinks that he would be out of his depth if he had a son who turned out very macho/sporty etc) Despite this, when we talk about our imaginary hypothetical baby, its always a boy. We have one name that we both agree on and stuck years ago. So I am taking that to mean we will more likely have a boy than girl, and am prepared for/expecting that to happen!

FunnysInLaJardin · 10/01/2013 22:18

I think OP that the issue is that once you have decided to start a family many people find it is not quite as simple as all that. Suddenly you are in a world of miscarriages and infertility. A lot of older folk like the ones that frequent MN find TTC and having a child actually a lot harder than they thought. Thats why the gender of your child becomes insignificant. All you want is a child no matter what the gender

FunnysInLaJardin · 10/01/2013 22:20

btw I am not saying that older folk have more difficulties in getting pregnant, just that in your 30's or 40's time runs out far more quickly

lollydollydrop · 10/01/2013 22:29

Older folk do have more difficulty in getting pg though dont they? My understanding is that up to a certain age women are just as likely to get pg as their younger counterparts, but it just takes them longer So if you want two or more you had better start on the younger side before your fertility drops off a cliff!

FunnysInLaJardin · 10/01/2013 22:33

yes if you want two or more much better to start in your late 20's early 30's. But most folk around here seem happy with one or two, or at least know that their options are limited. It's not always the case though that a younger person will get pregnant just like that

chocoloulou33 · 10/01/2013 22:38

Have to agree with the majority of the posts on here. Having been thru 2 mc's & have one dd I would just be so happy to be pregnant with a healthy baby like many other women on here. If you had taken the time to look at the other threads going on you would see a lot of us are struggling to concieve so your post might come across as insensitive! If you wanted to find out about trying to get pregnant with a girl then google it!! Am sure some people just come on here to see if they can start a row ruffle a few feathers!

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 10/01/2013 23:30

Actually OP I think the responses you got on here were remarkably gentle considering how strongly some posters feel about this.

For my part, and coming up to the three year mark, even though I think I know more about boys than girls and feel more confident with boys, all I want now is a healthy child.

pebblesandbamm · 10/01/2013 23:52

Female sperm lives longer than male sperm so if you TTC 3 days before ovulation then the egg can be fertilized by female sperm that has survived when ovulation occurs.

This depends on the health of your other half's sperm however.

I'm sure that once you've fallen pregnant, any desire for anything other than a healthy, full term pregnancy and for your baby to be healthy and strong will overtake any preferences for a particular gender.

I am blessed with one of each and they are equally splendid!

Good luck.

Fevdou · 11/01/2013 00:15

Hello,

Thank you to everyone who replayed esp lollydollydrop who is amazing.

I think my plan is eat healthy, reduce my salt, increase my calcium and maganisum.

In June stop taking the mini pill which I've taken for about 6 yrs, plot my cycle, reduce my calorie intake to 1000 - 1500 and have protected fun. In August start to have unprotected fun until a day before I ovulate.
Hopefully it will work and we will have a healthy baby girl.

I don't mind if I have a girl who is a tomboy - I've always wanted two little girls. My mum was the same and she had me and my sister. My husband would like the same but the priority is to have a healthy baby.

Sorry for upsetting you all.

I think it is quite common to have a preference, a friend of mine only wants boys, but don't say as they are concerned about people's reactions.

I'm open to any feedback or advice

Thanks again

OP posts:
Fevdou · 11/01/2013 00:27

Thank you for the advice pebbleandbamm.

Chocoloulou - I put up the post for advice as the world of google is very confusing with lots of advice that can go against each other. I truly didn't post to ruffle feathers. I had heard that mums net was a useful website and I picked this group as its called getting pregnant so I thought that the people in the group would help me make sense of all the advice.

I really didn't mean to cause any problems

OP posts:
lollydollydrop · 11/01/2013 00:55

Hi Fevdou, you're welcome and its sounds like you have thought it all through and started to plan which is very exciting!

I would like to make a few points:

Reducing sodium in your diet is a great step for both your health and the babies regardless of gender- yay!

Increasing nutrients like magnesium and calcium also equally good- I would also take a look at the full range of vitamins to try and eat a diet rich in as much as possible- or use supplements if necessary. I understand why you want to decrease potassium in your diet but you probably shouldnt cut it out altogether- lack of pot causes fatigue and irritability, not great as you need your energy for all the baby making!!

I think overall you should concentrate on making your body as healthy as it can be. When its my turn thats what I aim to do.. and in terms of influencing one gender or the other, my diet at the moment probably favours boys (lots of potassium rich foods- bananas and potatoes every day- and little calcium as dairy irritates my eczema so I eat soya yoghurt and milk) so I think I would just try and balance it out, create an even playing field for both x and y swimmers and let fate determine it :)

It sounds like you will be restricting calories waaaaaaay too much. No doctor could recommend this, and I dont see how you could possibly be providing your body with all the nutrition and goodness it needs on just 1000 calories. Vitamin pills just aren't a substitute for a balanced healthy diet. Thats why they call them supplements. I believe you would be thinking of restriction due to a possible link with gender, but why not just aim to reduce the glucose in your diet instead? Unless you are over-weight and actually need to loose to conceive, I don't see how this step is healthy necessary?

I think it's probably true what other posters are saying about not caring about the gender once you start trying or find out you are pregnant and get to that first scan. Out of curiosity would you plan on finding out the gender? I think in your shoes I definately would, as you may need to resolve your feelings about having a boy before he arrives. Its really not fair to the child for you to possess any disappointment, and you would owe it to him and yourself to work through those feelings and resolve them. I'm sure you could find support online for that. But little boys are GREAT too!!! And young men :) I have always gotten on better with lads- I enjoy a lot of banter with them which some girls take too personally- so I know I could be a good mother to either boys or girls (I hope). Once you are handed your baby who you have been waiting to meet for months if not years if you are chronically broody like me then it will matter much less than it does now. You may have a boy and enjoy him more than you anticipated and want another boy!! You are fairly young and have time to have several if your heart desires, so maybe one would be the gender you think you want.

In the meantime, why not see if you can spend some time with some little boys (friends sons etc) so you can appreciate their merits too? :)

I have to look at it this way.. (although i'm not religious as such but I am superstitious/spiritual) I will be blessed with whatever I was meant to raise. Be that twin boys, a girl and boy, three boys whatever.. Things happen for a 'reason' and if I only have all boys or all girls I think it's because I have something positive and special to contribute to raising that sex. So as long as the baby sticks, grows strong and healthy that's what matters. And since being around children more now than I ever have, I think the most important thing in the world is if your children are happy and healthy

How blessed we are if we have this x

lollydollydrop · 11/01/2013 01:06

I would recommend watching 'BruBearBaby's videos on youtube- he has a gorgeous son Micah who has been dubbed 'The laughing baby'

If you haven't seen it already, here is the original video that started it all off:

There are loads more of Micah equally as beautiful.. they really make you smile and remind you of how amazing and precious babies are regardless of gender.

If you dont fall in love with this little boy you need your head testing!!!Grin

The videos also really show how strong personality is too over gender.. one of the clips 2 years on from the original shows the daddy trying to re-create the paper ripping effect with their new baby daughter and Micah as a toddler- not the same effect for the girl, the little lad hasnt changed much though!!

Let me know what you think Grin

lollydollydrop · 11/01/2013 01:18

Forgot to say Fevdou, if you are having sex the day before ovulation thats too near ov to increase chances of a girl. The boy sperm will get to the egg before the slow coach girls!

So 2-4 days before ovulation.

This is all a bit tongue in cheek though, as you probably really do have a 50:50 chance of either gender (actually technically its more like 51:49 in favour of boys) Shock

kittykatsforever · 11/01/2013 07:55

There is a section on a website called ingender about swaying for a girl or boy, I came across it as it has a gender prediction section from 12wk scan pics where people will try and guess what your bubs is, I think they take it pretty seriously, HOWEVER I am not a personal believer that we can change what's destined to be, I have 2 friends who "tried" for girls ( both have 2 boys) and only had sex 4 days before ov and they both have had/expecting their third boy, I didn't do anything ( took 18+ months first time so was desperate for a baby and had 2 mc after) but have 1 dd and expecting another - we always had sex on the day of ovulation which should promote boys if you believe it but I was just trying to promoted conception and just had normal diet, I think there is more in what runs on the males side as previously mentioned
I do think you are right that probably more people have a preference then admit to it for fear of judgement but think when it comes down to it I've never met a mum disappointed in a child when it's arrived and plenty who once have had the gender they were worried about favour the same next time as they've had such a joy with them rather then hope for the opposite again, my dsis wanted a girl first but had a boy and he is such a delight and wonderful child she couldn't be more in love with him

kittykatsforever · 11/01/2013 08:22

Oh and I'd never have sex without an orgasm!! Where'd the fun be there Grin

ScarlettInSpace · 11/01/2013 08:58

FWIW I have been TTC 2 years now, and an about to embark on my 2nd IVF. All I want is a baby and id do nothing to jeopardise that by trying to influence the sex as its gone waaaaaaaaaay past that now, but if someone said they could give me s baby AND give me the choice I'd pick a boy.

I agree with the poster earlier who said most people lean towards one sex even if that isn't on the priority list. So long as it didn't interfere with the basics; there's nooooo way on earth I would deliberately abstain from sex if there's the remotest chance I'm ovulating Grin ] and i dont want OHs fishes sorted into X & Y, I just want them to use the best ones, then I don't see the harm in eating certain things at certain times etc..

ScarlettInSpace · 11/01/2013 09:01

[im not doing anything different myself btw as I think it's all bollocks Grin ]

sanityawol · 11/01/2013 09:19

This is a debate that I usually stay away from, but in your last couple of posts you say that you don't mind if your baby grows up to be a tomboy (I'll set that aside for now).

But OP, what if you have an 'actual' boy. There is a 50/50 chance on the gender, so how will you deal with the disappointment if you get the wrong one?

I say this as someone with 2 DCs that are people in their own right, and are different to each other. The fact that one is a boy and one is a girl has no bearing on this.

Fevdou · 11/01/2013 11:32

Hello,

I have no problems with boys - my cousin has the most adorable son who is 2yr and my other cousin has the daughter who is lovely but a wee madame - but if someone said to me you can have a heathly baby of either gender its up to you I would choose a girl.

If we are luck and I become pregnant I will find out the sex when I can but only beacause I like to be organised. I will do everything I can to have a girl but if its a boy I will know that while I did everything I could to have a girl, but fate decided otherwise and everything happens for a reason. The main thing is that its heathly.

Saintyawol - I only mentioned the tomboy thing in response to a previous post.

V

OP posts:
Fevdou · 11/01/2013 11:34

One of things I am trying to get my head around is trying to create a plan of when I ovulate - it all seems very complicated with tempeture to take and ovulatione kits. Never had to day anything like it before!

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 11/01/2013 13:32

I am guessing OP that you will revisit this thread in oooh 3 years time and feel a tad foolish. The you prior to TTC and having children is very different to the you a year or so down the line

crazyhead · 11/01/2013 21:48

I thought that the evidence for Shettles was really weak?

On the surface of it, it might seem that there's no harm trying a bit of spooky stuff for a girl for a month or two OP, but in your shoes I would ask myself first (and I think this is personal to your own state of mind) if going down that route would set me up for later difficult feelings if I had problems getting pregnant or conceived a boy.

A lot of people (me included) would have a top-of-the-head preference for a boy or girl (in my fantasy world I'd like one of each and already have a son) but for me the process of TTC should sort of involve letting go of those feelings and realising they are preconceptions and working towards feeling open to any lovely child you might be damned lucky enough have.

I am mid 30s and about to start TTC no2 and actually at the moment I am concentrating on feeling grateful for having even the child I have, and then feeling hopeful for having the chance of another one. I wouldn't let myself go down that 'now it is time for my girl' route.

twinklestar2 · 11/01/2013 22:14

I can honestly say I wouldn't care if I had a girl or a boy. I just want a healthy baby.

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