Am terrified of having another baby, but hormonally drawn to it!!!

[bootsmonkey]

For all those who have posted on my other equally rambling threads, apologies for going on, AGAIN!

Situation so far is that DH & I have one cheeky, goreous 3.5yo who still doesn't sleep through - but that is another story. I veer from desperately wanting another (usually coinciding with ovulation) and being f***g terrified and appalled by the idea. DH is adamant that we are not having another, but then made no noises over unprotected sex last month.

I then went into a blind panic that I may be pg, which kind of makes me think I'm not REALLY up for a second.

I do not want DD to be an only child, I do not want her to have to cope witht he aged Ps on her own, nor have anyone to reminisce with. I do not feel I am a particularly maternal or natural mother. I am terrified of getting PND again. I am terrified of having a special needs child (feel I 'got away with it' last time as it all pg & birth went so well). I have no idea on the logistics of two. I fear I do not have the patience for two. I am worried about giving up my job & being a SAHM and reliant on DH for money (my work involves travel & nights away & would not want to do this with two). I am to an extent worried about the effects another pg will have on my already deteriorating body. I am worried I will look back with regret if I don't have another and also if I do. I feel I will have failed myself if I stick at one.

Is this normal? Do other people worry like this or am I indulging in the luxury of thinking about things too much??

I yearn for another baby to prove I can do it without falling apart, but sleepless nights, nappies, weaning, pushing prams.......and my ever dwindling self in terms of time and space. Is it worth it???

Hi bootmonkey, I think a lot more have doubts, just don't always admit it!!

We a starting TTC our second soon and I am worried that I won't cope with working a baby and what will be a 2yr old, the house, etc.. Especially as we have sleep probs with DS still.

DH didn't sleep for months before and after DS was born and was very stressed at work at the same time, which mean't that unintensionally he was short tempered with DS.

I just know that things should get better and I have a very good MIL for support.

Hope this helps. Do what is right for you.

I don't know what is right for me!!!!!! That is why I am in such a quandry. I shift between an all enompassing urge for another to complete revulsion at the idea!

Nighty night - I would probably have to work part time as I don't think I have the patience and tolerance to be a full time SAHM. How do you do it x 4??!!

jersey - good luck! I hope you get one that sleeps!

bootsmonkey - I work full time! but I would love to be a sahm.

How old are your kids Nighty night - if you don't mind me asking.

age 2 - 8

It is all of those things yes, but I do think it is worth it.

Aloha, you have always struck me as a voice of reason - did you worry about it all or just get on and do it?

Wow! I'm really the voice of unreason quite often - esp in early pregnancy as some Mumsnetters will recall!
Yes, we were worried about sleep deprivation (dh especially as this would be his third child and our second)and the rest, but when I looked into my future and envisaged myself five, ten, twenty years on, I always saw more than one child there - at the table, on holiday, later on with their partners hanging around the kitchen etc. I really wanted my ds to have a sibling he grew up with (he has a big sister, my stepdaughter) and I just felt our family was too small. And yes, it is hard sometimes, and expensive and somewhat fraying of the nerves and ruinous to the body...but for me, it was totally worth it. I really, really wanted my daughter and she is so fantastic and beautiful.

Going through the same Bootsmonkey. I have just turned 39 and swing between wanting and not wanting another. ds is almost 2.
I'm just leaving it all to nature! If it happens - it happens - if not then I think life as an only child is a lot different to when we were kids. So many more 'things' to do with other peoples children. Play dates, nursery, groups and social things etc.
Just have unprotected sex and see what happens - what will be, will be!

bootsmonkey, you sound like me a few months ago! i had similar worries. DP and i both suffered from depression in DD's first years. terrified of having a special needs child. worried about how we'd cope. DP works nights, so i'd be on my own at night. DD is now 4. and i am 6 weeks pregnant.

I think not using contraception is trying! How else do you have a baby

I think that if i could turn back the clock then i propably wouldnt have had a second child (of course i love ds2 and wouldnt swop him for the world though )

easier to get babysitter for one child, you can spend more time with them, i would be having peaceful nights sleep now instead of them waking each other up, could afford the best of everything for him, could be at college full time instead of part time, less washing and cleaning to do - i know all selfish reasons, and i love both my boys, its just on mornings like this morning when you are woken at 6am by being kicked in the head by the 3 yr old and dribbled on by the one year old you think 'never again!!!!'

theres always one or the other of them trying to climb on your lap, and that makes the other one jealous, you attention is demanded constantly, you dont get time to think or even breathe in peace...

could have baths in peace, could stop having to drag the double buggy around with me, would be able to actually get to an appointment on time... sigh..

although admittidly when they arnt fighting they keep each other entertained

Lilacbump - what made you take the plunge???

my SIL was pregnant and i got very broody. i decided to have one last go at talking DP around and i did it in a few days (from a firm no to maybe to "yeah! let's do it!"). but basically my hormones took over.

Good luck LilacBump - maybe I should have one last push at DH. Still terrifies me though!

I didn't have PND or anything nasty related to my pg (except for a long labour and a forceps delivery). My ds is 3 on Sunday and my husband and I have discussed another one again and again but decided to stick with one (but never say never).

Ds was (and is) a great sleeper, is happy, seems bright enough though a late developer (eg not potty trained yet) and has almost been a model child. I guess I worry that the next child could be the child from hell. I also want to travel, I've not done much travelling yet and I don't want to start the "clock to freedom" ticking again when I'm 3 years in!

I also work ft and trying to work at all with 2 appalls me - and although I earn more than dh, he would not want to give up work.

Another factor was that we were nearly very lazy with contraception last month and 3 days later I was dismissed from my job - fortunately I have another one starting on 21st Nov - but I would not have qualified for any maternity benefits, even state ones.

I also feel that I was lucky the first time round in terms of having a special needs child and would not want to tempt fate.

Hubbie is terrified of having to watch me in labour again, as is my mum - they both found it very traumatic (though I didn't)

Hated being pregnant even though it was easy after I stopped having morning sickness.

Am not maternal....BUT I would like a girl.

I'm an only one and it's not so awful a fate.

I'm only 33 but husband is 42 and I feel he's too old.

Have I convinced myself to stick with one?

bootsmonkey, you could be me! I am in such a similar situation. In fact, am off just now for my appointment with my therapist. I am finding that cognitive behavior therapy is helping a lot and am hoping that we can start TTC in the next few months.