6 year old dd just told me she doesnt believe in Father Christmas....

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

We were talking about her birthday (shes 6 in Nov) and what she wants and I pointed out that as she is having a party she wont get a large present off mummy and daddy but she will get presents off her friends and then more toys for Christmas.

She then rather matter of factly said that there is no Father Christmas as you drink the milk and daddy eats the carrot and you buy all the toys form toys r us!!

I asked her to tell me who told her that as they wont be getting anything this year and I said that Father Christmas is listening and would be upset. dh then ramg the home phone and I pretemded to talk to him. She was quiet and sulky for a while then I found her crying and she said nobody told her she thought it herself .She was upset as she is worried she will get nothing now so I said he will ring this weekend and you can talk to him

dh is getting a friend to call from work

i am a bit shocked really as I was about 9-10 before I knew and Christmas was always so magical to me. We are really careful too so how she come to the conclusion i will never know

[GrimmaTheNome]

Choc, my bright DD figured out FC when she was 6 and at 10 she's still more childlike (in good ways) than many of her peer group.
Having an open, inquiring mind is a delightful characteristic of a child, it certainly doesn't mean unchildlike cynicism will follow.

[Littlepurpleprincess]

My favourite quote is from Douglas Adams and he says "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?"

He is specifically refering to religion but I think it applies nicely to the OP. Your DD can enjoy christmas because it's a lovely day in itself, not because of Santa. It's not Santa that makes it great IYSWIM.

[angrypixie]

Nice post Chocolate Peanut, I have done the whole Santa thing but when she asks or says she doesn't believe, I will come clean. It's a fine line between fantasy and deceit for me.

Although we will continue to honour the legend with stockings etc even when she knows it's me

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

Thanks everyone.Feel better about it now.If she has any doubts in the future I wont push it next time

[TheMissingLink]

I never believed in Father Christmas. My parents said they tried to convince me when I was 2/3 and I just laughed and said not to be so silly. They had to ask me very nicely not to tell my big brother.

Can I reassure you that I adored and adore Christmas. I also had and still have a very good, creative imagination and can appreciate the 'magic' of something in a way that doesn't rely upon believing a tale.

A healthy appreciation of fantasy and make believe isn't reliant upon actual belief in what are wonderful stories.

[Pyrocanthus]

My DD worked it out years ago, kept up a pretence for her sister for a couple more years and we still put out the sherry, mince pie and carrot on Christmas Eve now that the younger one's ceased to believe.

I can't see that being intelligent is going to make her grow up too soon - children enjoy fantasies as fantasies.

[colditz]

Of course she's thought of it herself, she does get basic physics and geography lessons at school, you know.She's probably got a good idea about how fast reindeer can go, whether they can fly, whether huge fat men can fit down the chimney and how someone can eat hundred and hundred of mince pies in one night!

Look, don't be pissed off because she's clearly a bit brighter than you were at six!

[tillykins]

Christmas is magical but I think some of the sparkle dims when they don't believe in Santa anymore

I'm not sure which is the way to go tho, tbh. Is she def saying she doesn't believe, or was it more by way of a question?

St Nicholas is a nice compromise

My DS2 is 6 in November also, and he still believes. He's not shown any sign of not believing but I guess its time to start making the most of it, incase its the last

I won't miss the mushy mess of reindeer dust in the front lawn, when he stops tho!!!!

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

do you think that this is typical then for children her age?

[BetterBitOfButter]

My mum was shocked to find out recently that I never believed in Father Christmas - I pretended I did cos every one else seemed to. But it always just seemed so unfeasible even when tiny - there was no way for example he could get through the grill on the gas fire. Or round the world in one night. Children aren't stupid you know they are perfectly capable of reasoning on their own.

[angrypixie]

I know it feels too soon but I think you made a mistake with your reaction. She's bright, she's worked it out and I would have talked to her about legends and still enjoyed the magic of the stocking on christmas eve etc.

You are now trying to convince her that FC is watching/listening all the time (creepy) Why do you want her to continue the believe the story so much? IS it for you or for her?

I don't want to be mean but I agree with Thursdaynext Christmas will always be magical without coercing her into believing in a story.

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

Colitz I agree I overreacted but I was shocked as she is still so young. I suspected someone must have told her as I could not believe that she thought of it herself

For me the Father Christmas story was so special and when I found out (about 8) I was gutted.

I have not mentioned it today and she told me at bedtime that she is going to write him a letter with her list of what she wants.

[DailyMailNameChanger]

I understand you being saddened that she figured/found out but don't you think you over-reacted a little bit? Your dh spoke to father christmas you told her that someone who said that got no gifts and you made a song and dance about needing to know who had said such a thing...

If you had decided to use FC as a way of controling behaviour (as lots of people do) how terribly would she have had to have behaved to get the same reaction from you?

Wouldn't it have been a bit of a more measured response to just say "really darling what makes you think that? I love going to bed all excited about waking up to see what gifts there are under the tree" or something along those lines rather than a big who haa!

[choccyp1g]

Well, if you are Christians that makes it true.

[Chubbster]

Agree with colditz, I think when children get older the FC thing is sometimes more for the parents than it is for the children! She has worked it out, just be honest and treat her like an adult.

[LilyBolero]

choccyp1g - why would I? In fact, that is one of the reasons we didn't do FC as a 'real' story (though we have told them the St Nicholas story, more as a real story). But given that we are Christians, why should we have to do the nativity story as a 'pretend story?'.

Always seems weird to me that people dismiss the nativity story as being 'total fiction' when millions of people believe it, but go to great lengths to present FC as truth, when we KNOW for a FACT that it isn't true, and he doesn't come down the chimney.

[colditz]

She's bright enough to work out you have been lying to her, so you're punishing her by making her think she's not going to get any presents this year because she won't play along with the lie?

Think about what you are doing, please. Just think about the message you have given your daughter.

[choccyp1g]

Lily, hopefully you've done the nativity as a fun pretend story too ?
DS(8) doesn't believe in Farmer Christmas anymore, but will still be expecting a good stash of presents on the day.

[WidowWadman]

Why would you want to punish a child with the threat of no presents for thinking? That's cruel!

[LilyBolero]

We have never done Father Christmas as a 'true' story, but rather as a fun pretend game - it works really well, and the kids find Christmas just as magical, but they will never have that moment of discovery of the truth!

Actually they find the nativity story the most magical bit.

[wicked]

Good for her!

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

Thanks. She knows all about St Nicholas (we are catholics) She seems to have had a change of heart but then I think thats more to do with the thought of maybe getting no presents!

[girlywhirly]

All is not lost. You could tell her the story of St Nicholas, who was a kind and generous man, and we give stockings and gifts as he did centuries ago. The story goes, he put gold coins into the stockings of some young women, where they were hanging to dry over the fire. They were very poor, and could not have got married without a dowry. I think they would have had to resort to prostitution otherwise, but you don't need to mention that bit! The point is, he was generous and selfless in helping those less fortunate, and this is where the tradition of hanging stockings comes from. I think a little girl as intelligent as she is would enjoy hearing about the origins of Christmas traditions.

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

She is intelligent.Its a bit of a general worry really, i went through a phase (on here ) a few weeks ago of thinking she was dyslexic as she struggled when she went back to school but she has flew through it in the last month and all my fears have gone away

i worry that as she is very mature and bright that her childhood wont last as long ifyswim?

[differentWitch]

I was 6 when I worked it out- didn't make it less pecial asI then went on distraction duty with my younger sis.