Baptism But No Believers for Godparents

[IntoTheArk]

Hi fellow Christians, I've got a bit of a dilemma.
I'm planning a baptism for DD and I don't know who to choose for Godparents, who will actually keep the promises made at the baptism.

DH's family are ardent Catholics who won't even stay for the church service as they can't stand protestants (we changed denominations). My family are militant atheists with a Catholic background.

We've only been here a few weeks so I don't know anyone very well through church yet (everyone is very friendly though). WWYD?

I have been at baptisms where the whole congregation have been asked to stand and agree to be God Parents.

At our church we quite often have baptisms where the parents choose friends among the congregation to be Godparents.

Ask the pastor? There will be members of the church willing to stand up and join in. Have say 2 godparents from family or friends and a religious one.

There is no way that most God parents pray for a child for their lifetime.

Just get the christening done. If you think about it, the early church were not faffing around worrying about godparents they were getting dipped in the Jordan!

Friends rather than family? As an Anglican Protestant I have a Catholic godmother and my son has a Catholic godfather - I'm surprised there are such strong feelings from your DH's family. Are you geographically somewhere with a distinct and historical divide? I say only because my best friend (the godfather to my son) does, whereas I'm from southern England, and when I finally persuaded him to join me for a service, he was pleasantly surprised at how "normal" (i.e
similar) the Anglican service was compared with Catholic mass. Could it be they are simply afraid of the unknown?

You can be your child's Godparent. That's what I did with my children.

That depends on the denomination. The Anglican Church allows it, but not all do. The Catholic Church doesn't, which might be where the op's ideas come from, or it might be that she knows her present church doesn't either.

Every year I have adults preparing for baptism who don't have anyone to be a godparent. I matchmake and set them up with a parishioner, and they are then free to choose that person or ask me for another match. I'm sure your minister would be able to recommend someone from the congregation if you asked.

Thank you all for so many helpful responses and ideas. I asked the vicar and he said "anyone over 18" which was well-intended but has not given me much guidance.

@FluffMagnet There are so many ex-Catholics at our church (even the vicar), it's a great welcoming place where denomination and background doesn't cause a sticking point, but DH's family are Northern Irish (as are half of mine) and while they're usually very easy going, the change in denomination has made everything very frosty. I had to do what felt right for me and my family though and I do not regret changing.

@OldJohn Oh I love that idea! They want up to four written on a form though.

@TheLemonFatball I did not know that I could do it. Maybe that would be the best solution. As @Fink says, my only frame of reference is the Catholic church so I'm still learning about what's "allowed" and what isn't in the C of E.

I thought that might be the case @IntoTheArk. My best friend is Northern Irish too. I would try again at asking them to attend a service with you just so they can see that Protestantism is a very broad church, just purely because this is going to be about more than just the single event of the Christening.

As a side point, I really do like having friends rather than family as godparents. I have three godparents, but really it feels like I only have one, as my other two are blood relatives (aunt and uncle) and I am rightly not "special" to them compared with my sister.

I have been at baptisms where the whole congregation have been asked to stand and agree to be God Parents.
We did this.

@FluffMagnet it's definitely a deeper issue that we need to reconcile somehow. They currently text every week asking DH if we want to go to mass with them (they live an hour away). I would ask friends but we don't really have any we're regularly in touch with currently; none of our old friends are religious (most of our friends are from our uni days), and all have scattered over the years. We haven't made any friends here yet as we only moved to the area a couple of months ago. I didn't want to wait on DD's baptism though because she had a near-death experience recently so it really focuses the mind on sorting it out!

Godparents aren't usually blood relatives in my experience. All my own godparents are unrelated to me and all my DC godparents also.

Thinking of all the people who are close enoigh friends to that you might eg invite them to your wedding - are there no Christians among them?

There's a child I am godmothet to who although I would consider the parents as friends they aren't massively close but they come to my church. They appointed godparents as 2 close friends who aren't Christian but were prepared to stand up and do the ceremony, and 2 others (including me) who weren't as longstanding friends but who were at least active Christians.

You could ask one friendly church member to be a godparent as a "representative of the church" - they won't mind being asked and may well be delighted.

Update: Now my side of the family have all said they're not coming at all. I think I'll just ask some of the people I know to say hello to at the congregation. Is that too forward?

I’m not going to be any help here because I’m a believer in credobaptism rather than paedobaptism.

I know it’s important to you though, and as my sister in Christ I pray you find the right outcome for you and your family. 🙏🏻💕

Does the vicar know the details of the situation? Could you sit down with the vicar and explain? Usually they can recommend a couple of faithful congregants who will step up. Or you could ask one of your old friends who is Christian but not practising? They might be pleased to be asked and make an exception and pray. Then have a congregant as the second godparent. It shouldn't really be a parent as the point of godparents is to supplement the child's growing in faith, not be in charge of it.

@LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain This is slightly outing but in our parish the vicar isn't the regular leader of services etc, it's a group of volunteers, as the vicar is running four churches as far as I'm aware.

I've spoken to him very briefly to organise everything but by and large he is very pressed for time and leaves the day-to-day running to volunteers, who in this case don't have the authority to decide what can be done. I am thinking of asking one or two of the volunteers on Sunday. We do at least have time.

None of our old friends are going to be much help, they all live at least 2 hours away and they're all Richard Dawkins aficionados which, understandably, has caused a rift as I've grown into Christ and they haven't. We've been living internationally over the last 8 years and only settled down and bought a house 2 months ago, so we don't have any friends here yet.

I do wonder if the people turning us down saying "we're not church people" would turn down a wedding invitation so flippantly, and I doubt it.

@AgileGreenSeal That's interesting, but what do you do if the child dies? Our DD is in and out of hospital.

Generally here (Ireland) now days it's more about who you would want to look after the child if anything were to happen to you rather than their faith at least that's my experience. That's how I'm choosing mine I know in reality that won't actually mean they get the child if something were to happen but that's the thought process . I'm choosing my brother and my DP choose his sister . I've seen a lot of people choose friends and then they don't speak to them years down the line so I ruled friends out .

I do wonder if the people turning us down saying "we're not church people" would turn down a wedding invitation so flippantly, and I doubt it.

As someone who is a 'church person', I do sympathise with you. But I think there's a fundamental difference between a wedding and a baptism: marriage is the only sacrament which is also a natural blessing. As Christians we accept that non-Christians also validly marry, a Christian marriage is a particular blessing but it's still on a continuum with natural marriage. Baptism, on the other hand, is a purely religious event, it doesn't have a counterpart in the secular world. So an atheist might be willing to attend a church wedding because they still accept the essence of its meaning (and ditto a Christian funeral), whereas a baptism has no meaning without God.

God is always good, and always judges justly, therefore if a baby or very young child (or indeed any person without capacity) is unable to comprehend enough to exercise faith in Christ, He will still be merciful and extend grace to such a person.

I don’t see any scriptural basis for parental actions being the mechanism whereby children are saved.

My dc don't have godparents. We had a thanksgiving service for each of them and then they could choose whether to be baptised or not when they were older. 3 of our dc have since been baptised.

Ah I'm sorry OP! Do you have any deacons? A nearby university with a chaplaincy? If you're C of E how about any local branches of religious orders like the SSF? Someone who 'does the business' may help with baptismal sponsors.

I think this article is helpful @IntoTheArk

www.gotquestions.org/do-babies-go-to-heaven.html

Here's a list of C of E religious orders in the UK. They're really kind and especially the SSF might make time to talk. Full disclosure I'm RC but have huge respect for them! www.anglicanreligiouslifeproject.org.uk/communities/

Thanks all.

Another update: My lot have now decided to do a family Christmas shopping trip to London the day of the service. I just need to stop wishing for a better relationship with them, really. I really hope PILs warm back up about it all eventually because I feel like we have more in common than our differences IYSWIM.

@BackinBlack24 we wanted our siblings to be godparents, and they said yes to it for our other child. But it looks like we need to look elsewhere this time so my current plan is to ask a couple of people I know well enough to talk to from the congregation on Sunday.

@Fink Fair point, I suppose weddings are a separate thing.