Can someone help me put ds's weight issues into perspective??

[littlelamb]

Ds is 8 mo, and still breastfed. He was born on the 75th centile for weight and the 98th for height, so a big boy His weight has been up to the 91st centile. Since CHristmas his weight has dropped, and the HVs are getting twitchy with me. He is now between the 25th and 50th centiles, but I insisted they also took his length and he is still above the 75th, so still growing, just upwards. His weight has completely stalled for a month, having dropped 5 oz in one week a month ago. To me, there is no problem. He is just an incredibly acive baby. He has been crawling since 5 mo, and is cruising and racing around all day- he is never still. He eats quite happily, and clearly knows when he is full. COmpared to the other babies at clinic his age he is racing around where many of them can only just sit. They have now referred me to a paediatrician after warning me 2 weeks ago that they were concerned They have made me feel bad for still breastfeeding, especially at night, as he still wakes up several times. I am trying to keep in my head that it is only 5oz, and he has maintained weight ever since. Also dp is incredibly tall and thin, as are his whole family. I am thinking of taking dp and his mum along with me next week so they can see what I am talking about I just don't know what to think. They said I should be cutting down breastfeeds, and offering 3 meals a day with a full fat pudding. I know he will not eat that much. He eats his main meal and then generally only wants a mouthful or so of fruit or yoghurt aterwards. To me, my son seems fine. So why am I being made to feel that I am somehow doing him wrong??

I'm sure other people know more about this than me, but just want to say that i think you're doing a fabulous job. Don't let them get you down. Has the HV suggested that there may be a non-feeding reason for ds weight loss? Ask if that's the reason why ds is being referred. Take your mum and dp with you next week to get a clear answer from the hv. And don't for one second feel bad about being a devoted mother, you're responding in the ideal way to your ds needs. Not all mothers have the ability to do so, for one reason or another. Hopefully someone with more info will be along soon.

go to the dr! my HV had conerns about my baby and when i went to the dr he totally reassured me all was well (remember midwives and HV's are the experts on "normal" anything else gets passed on)
Also check you are on the breastfeeding centile not bottlefeeding one.
my dd would always rather breastfeed than eat and i started giving her food first but she continued having loads of feeds in the night though more for a dummy than milk.
have a look on La Leche league as there are some things about low weight etc.
My dd is a snacker rather than three square meals so divide up the food. mine also hated the highchair so stopped using it and sat her in my knee and fed her from my plate (someone else's food is always more interesting!)

Littlelamb,they are talking shit.
It's so bloody irresponsible of them to worry you when you are doing the best thing for your son.

I'm linking this thread to one on the breastfeeding section so you get a better response.

littlelamb they are searching for a problem where there isn't one.

If he's active and happy, feeding well and not near the bottom of the chart. Many babies grow like caterpillars - they go long and thin, then get a bit fatter, then long and thin again.

More calories in bm than food etc.

'They have made me feel bad for still breastfeeding, especially at night'

Good job they haven't met me... I'm still feeding 13.5mo at night Don't worry doesn't me you will be

The trick is to aim for 3 meals a day by the time they are 12mo. Even then, some babies still don't eat a great deal but still thrive quite happily! As you say your ds is very active so no wonder his weight gained has slowed.

What Moondog said. She does have an elegant turn of phrase

Sorry I'm about to drop with tiredness so can't do a long post, but I absolutely agree with moondog.

Both my DCs have dropped through the centiles massively (DD 50th to 2nd and DS 99th to 50th) and they are FINE. I fretted desperately for months with DD due to those sodding growth charts. Luckily I ended up with a v sensible HV who assured me that DD's behaviour and development counted more than her weight.

Sounds like you're doing brilliantly. Please try not to be stressed out by the crap they are talking

Let them refer you. The paediatrician will take one look at your boy and wave you on your way I reckon!

I had similar from the HV when I had DD1. She insisted I see the GP as DD1 wasn't putting enough weight on. (I am 5 foot 1 and at that time weighed 7.5 stone) My lovely sensible GP looked at me, looked at DD1 and said "If you hadn't been to baby clinic and got her weighed would you be worried?"

No says I, of course not.

So don't go then, says her

I think so many HVs look too much at the bloody charts, and not enough time looking at the baby.

little lamb my ds was born on the 25th weight and length and now at one year old is 9th for length and below the centiles for weight.

he uses lots of energy working on sitting crawling etc as he has mild cerebral palsy and his brain tells him he really should be able to do that .

He saw his paed who was totally unconcerned, he is just tiny and doing his own thing. now i worry about eveerything so i found that reassuring.

you clearly know your child well. I see two options: ignore numpty hv and refuse to see paed or go see paed to hear them say 'bl**dy numpty hv why did they refer you there's nowt wrong with that child'. whichever causes you least grief really.

Littlelamb, something similar happened to my ds2. Ds1 ate for england, bm, weaning and even now. Ds2 was good with bm but is just more picky about food so when I weaned him, still bfing, he lost weight and for some time seemed to stop growing.

my (lovely) hv asked me to go and see paediatrician.

Paed saw a baby who was happy, healthy and full of energy and interest in the world and told me I had nothing to worry about. She also said that if he didn't put on weight/height for a longer, sustained period, that she would want to see him again, but thought this entirely unlikely. We never did go back. He is still a bit skinny but pretty average height wise, not as much energy as (or more lazy than?)ds1 but I don't worry about him.

You absolutely mustn't worry about breastfeeding - I am still bf ds3 and he's 2yr 4mth ( I was never such an earth mother with ds1 or 2!). And if you've only been weaning him for a couple of months, I'm not at all surprised he wouldn't eat as much as HV suggests.

If night feeds work for you and your ds, then I should ignore hv. I did controlled crying with ds1 to get him to sleep through, and it worked so quickly he obviously wasn't hungry at night. Couldn't get cc to work with ds3, and he fed quite a bit at night until he was nearly a year.

Is your HV using growth charts for formual fed babies, that can be very misleading. I think something about the way that bf babies feed more regularly and use the fat in breastmilk makes them less inclined to lay down fat - and therefore slimmer than ff babies. That may be a bit confused, sorry, but I'm sure that bf babies carry on being slimmer long after they've stopped getting most of their nutrition from bm.

Wish you all the best, you've done a great job bf til 8mths, keep going as long as it works for you and your ds.

utter utter crap.

YOU know he is fine, and YOU know how much he can do and what he is like, so IGNORE them.

tis HV like these that give them all bad names, and yet there are some fab ones out there........I had one fab one.

I am sure that the consultant will see that he is a fine, active healthy boy.

If you are happy that he is fine, just stop taking him to the clinic. I have no idea what centile ds is on, but I am happy that he is growing and healthy. Trust your own judgement.

Ah, thanks for all the lovely messages. I am typing v slowly as feeding ds Sidge, I think the same. If I hadn't had him weighed (and I admit with dd I didn't bother taking her as I was too busy at uni!) then I would not be at all worried. The charts they are using are the formula feeding charts. I know there is nothing wrong with him. WHat I don't like is the implication that it's my fault (and I admit maybe I am being oversensitive- have been feeling rather postnatalish lately, compounded I think by the lovely return of AF this week ) but it is the constant asking of what EXACTLY I am feeding him, they seem to get suspicious if I can't remember what he ate X days ago - I have 2 dc at home, my mind is mush, it doesn't mean I'm not feeding him. My gut reaction is to stop going to the clinic but I know that woud probably make them interfere more. It's so sad really. At 5 months they were telling me to get ready for weaning, and you should have seen the look on the HVs face when she saw me bf when waiting to see her I don't think it's odd in our area to still be bf at his age. Certainly at our clinic the majority of the younger babies are bf, and the other mums I know all bf beyond a year. I just wish they were a bit more supportive.

I am still bf'ing DS at night and during the day before naps. He is a bit of a picky eater as well, so I still take him to be weighed every couple of months, just to check. The last time but one, he was just under 12mo, and he had fallen from his usual position of just over the 9th centile, to quite a bit under it. The HV said - is he more mobile now? is he walking/cruising around? So I said yes, he has just started walking unaided - and she said the weight loss was perfectly normal given his increased activity level and not to worry about it at all. This despite the fact that he had only put on 0.1kg in about 6 weeks.

So - my HV sounds a lot more sensible than yours! When I took DS last week at 14mo, he was back up to his normal position, just above the 9th centile. No prob. (and he's still a picky eater!)

Please have faith in yourself, you know you are doing absolutely the right thing!!

And stop going to the clinic if it's making you unhappy or doubting yourself. They won't interfere more, they don't usually have the time or resources. If you are confident that he is well, and developing normally then there is no reason to go and get him weighed.

My DD3 is 2.5 and has been weighed twice since she was born, and one of those times was because she needed medication based on her weight. (The hospital laughed when they asked me what she weighed and I said I had no idea!) And I bfed her until she was 13 months and she had a night feed until she was 2.

"They said I should be cutting down breastfeeds, and offering 3 meals a day with a full fat pudding. I know he will not eat that much. He eats his main meal and then generally only wants a mouthful or so of fruit or yoghurt afterwards."

If that's all your DS wants, then that's probably all he needs. Why would you want to stuff him with more food than he wants? It makes you wonder, doesn't it, especially in this climate of increasing numbers of obese children! Dozy bints. Ignore them.

It did make me wonder thumbwitch. Would they prefer it if I was stuffing him with food?! There was a mother at dd's preschool with a 4 mo who was on 3 meals a day who told me she avoided the HV clinic because she knew they would tell her off so I really do think that in comparison I have nothing to worry about. I couldn't tell her how many times in the day he bfs though so I just had to make it up. I said 3 or 4 times. In reality it's whenever he wants, which can be 2 times or 6 times, depending on how he is feeling. I don't have magical expanding breasts anymore though so I assume my supply has settled down to a good level- I don't need to wear pads so I'm certainly not overproducing. I think I will let them refer me. It's a waste of everyone's time, but she mentioned that it might be a thyroid problem which seems awfully unlikely, and a huge fuss to make over soemthing so small but it will play on my mind otherwise. I think I am also going to see if I can print of some bf growth charts and plot his weight on there instead.

This does sound to be an extraordinarily dim set of HVs, though as ever I am always a bit cautious because they can see your baby, we can't, and who knows if you are sharing every detail with us....

The standard charts (they are not formula fed charts, but undifferentiated) are really not appropriate for older babies, as beyond about five months or so the information they give is very misleading for breastfed babies (the HVs should know this, but may not. Before this age, the charts are ok for both ff and bf, though all charts are shortly to change, which is a good thing). By the age of a year, breastfed babies look markedly 'small' on the standard chart, when they are not!

The paed will be reassuring, I would guess, and while it is a poor use of NHS resources for healthy babies to be seen in this way, it might be useful if the paed could write to the HVs and ask them not to worry the mothers of healthy, thriving babies!

The advice to cut down on breastfeeds as a way of gaining weight is bizarre - at 8 mths his diet sounds perfectly inside the normal spectrum.

I do think it depends on your HV, I was worried about my DS as he kept losing weight (normally coinciding with a bad cold) He was never big to start with, but HV was fantastic and supportive. One of the things they kept pointing out was how active he is and what a good sign this was.

Sounds like yours is being far too cautious, I would reassure them that you are happy with his weight and diet and you will continue to keep an eye on his weight.

At 8 months he seems very advanced if not a bit of a handful!!

Stitchwort a handful is an understatement but in a very good way! It has surprised me tbh that dd and ds are so different in their tempraments- so far they have hit their milestones at similar ages, but ds is just so determined. He certainly knows his own mind. Dd could crawl at a similar age but tbh was happy just to sit and be, whereas ds literally cannot sit still. And thanks tiktok. I did wonder why food rather than milk would make a difference as I was under the impression it was more calorific. I think I am going to keep a food diary for him this week too so I can show them that he is doing well. I think he does find it difficult to stick to 3 meals a day as he has always been more of a grazer with his milk- he much prefers little and often. And I hadn't the courage to tell them we are BLW on the whole. They might have passed out

Littlelamb, I have the same issue as well. My 9-month old DD is on the 2nd centile for weight (She was born 2nd centile, rose up to above 25th centile and has since dropped back to 2nd centile). The HV keeps on saying that we can't have her falling off the charts, so to fatten her up with high fat stuff like cream and cheese. I was also told to cut down on breastfeeding, but to add more milk to her weetabix for breakfast . She is a really active baby and is hitting all her milestones. She is not a fussy eater and has 3 meals a day, plus snacks. However, the HV says that she needs to eat more. I am only a small size 8 myself. But each time I see the HV, I feel inadequate as a parent.
I have another appointment with the HV in 3 weeks time to monitor her weight and I am not looking forward to it.

Try not to worry I was a bit wound up last night with worrying about it but now I have put it into a bit of perspective (thanks everyone for helping me do that). I have written down every single thing that ds has eaten today as well as the times of his breastfeeds so I can take it along next week and they can see for themselves that what he is eating is fine. Not everyone is going to be in the middle of the charts, especially if like you, they come from families that are smaller. I have asked dp to come with me next week. Hopefully the sight of his skinny lanky self will help the HV see what kind of stock ds comes from

I was told at the clinic today that there are a new set of charts coming out that will cover all cultures as well as breast and bottle fed.

Was a bit shocked as I was unaware breast and bottle fed used different charts (apparently in my area they use the bottle ones unless baby is dropping off end and then use the breastfed one) Would have been nice to know this as I was worrying about DS always being in bottom percentile, when he wouldn't have been on correct chart!

Am I just being very slow in finding this out?

Thanks, littlelamb. Yeah, as long as DD is healthy and active, I try not to worry. I dare not tell her how often I breastfeed though, she might get a shock!

mummy2rachel, I have written down 8 bfs today between him waking and going to bed. They are not massive feeds, as he does prefer to 'snack'. I told the HV it was probably about half that. I am expecting to be told off by them too

God, the whole weight thing is just quite infuriating. I had the opposite (but similar)thing with DS a few months ago when the HV suggested I see a GP because DS was on the large side. They had me jumping through hoops for a couple of months and worrying constantly about every morsel I put in his mouth. I felt like I was being judged and falling short as a mother (even though I feed him just as I did with DD and she's a beanpole at 3). Thankfully, the GP was v sensible and just said DS was a big lad who needed to get moving.

Anyway, my point is that you know your son best and you would be the first in line for the doc if you thought there was anything to worry about so trust your instincts and know that you can't win ... if your DS' weight was headed at the same rate in the opposite direction, they'd probably be talking to you about childhood obesity.