Child’s scar

[Sunnyday14558]

Our son had an accident when he was just under one which left an indented scar on his face. It’s potentially indented because it wasn’t closed with glue and after two years, it hasn’t improved so we know this is how it is. It won’t get better with time.

We’ve seen a surgeon specialising in revising children’s scars and he has said he can revise it under general when our son is eight. Has anyone had an experience with a facial scar which hasn’t healed well and/or undertaken a revision? It’s a costly procedure and obviously requires a general anaesthetic but if it improves the scar, I figure it’s probably worth it. Would love to hear your experiences. Thanks

My dd had a scar after an injury that had been badly dealt with. It should have been glued but wasn’t, as they wanted to give her a GA and stitch it, which then didn’t happen as she was a baby and it was felt the GA was too risky.
I spoke to a dermatologist who told me to use Dermatix scar gel every day and sunblock. This was to keep the scar flat. Now a teenager the scar is fairly wide but flat. It may be too late for scar gel but worth a try .
I was also told it could be revised when she was four or five, but under a local. Would a GA really be necessary? Dd doesn’t mind it and it is smooth so she hasn’t had a revision.

Sorry you went through this too. Our accident happened when our child was in the care of someone else so we had no idea how deep it was. It looked minor by the time we saw it and it was only after months that we realised it wasn’t just red but indented. The location of the scar is apparently quite prone to indentation if not treated properly. It’s definitely too late for scar gel although we did try it for a while when we realised it would scar. The surgeon we saw in London said the face has reached full size at eight so that’s a good time for a revision. He says it would need to be surgically opened and stitched again so a GA would be required.

I had several facial scars due to treatment/surgeries when I was a child. Some were indented. I was offered revision on the NHS which we accepted (the scars were about 3/4 years old at that point) and it didn't help the indentation really but did clean up the scars a bit (they were oddly shaped and turned into lines). I was about 10 when I had the revision and it was done under local anaesthetic as a day surgery x

My ds had a big scar across his forehead at 2, now at 14 it is barely noticeable as his head has grown but the scar didn't, if that makes sense.

I expect there would always be a slightly indented line, even after revision as it’s in the eye area, the fleshy part under your eyebrow. The hope would be that it would be narrower as it shows up mostly because it’s slightly wide and indented. It’s certainly worse in bright light as it gets a shadow. I had hoped it would look smaller as he got bigger but that doesn’t seem to be the case. It seems to be growing with him and possibly more indented now as it matures. It’s good to know that a local anaesthetic may be a possibility as he gets older. The worry I guess is that if the revision doesn’t work as well as hoped, he may just be more aware/self conscious about the scar.

Does it bother him? If I were you I'd wait and see if he cares. I think you're right to be worried about drawing attention to it, suggesting surgery etc because it plants the idea in his head that there's something wrong with it. He'll never know life without it, so might not be bothered by it.

I never would have asked for scar revision if the doctor hadn't suggested it. I don't necessarily regret it because it is certainly tidier but my scars are still noticeable and I don't care at all, if anything I quite like them.

What age is ds now? Sorry if I missed that. Does it bother him? I'd wait and see how he feels, keeping the option of revision in the background.

I have an indented scar in the middle of my forehead. I fell into the corner of a radiator when I was 1. It doesn't bother me at all, and never has.

My ds has a scar on his chin, it was glued but didn't stay closed. We should have gone back but didn't. He's 12 now and never been troubled by it either. It is more noticeable in extremes of temperature. If he's hot and sweaty it looks redder, and if he's cold and pale it also looks more obvious.

One of his friends has a very similar scar in a very similar place and he did get his fixed. He's now got a neater, narrow scar compared to ds's wider indented one. But he still has a scar.

My advice- let ds mention it to you. If it is upsetting him consider surgery. Ds's friend was just in for the day so it's not a huge surgery.

By the time kids get to school and get to age 8, 9, 10 so many of them have scars from one thing and another.

The surgeon we saw in London said the face has reached full size at eight so that’s a good time for a revision

I'm slightly freaked out by the idea of 8 yr olds running around with adult size faces. Does that mean that 8 yr olds have adult size heads? You'd think they would look all out of proportion since they still have so much growing to do

He’s 2.5 at the moment but it’s bothered us for years now. I think the fact it wasn’t treated properly is the hardest bit. Also at this age very few children have scars, or at least it seems that way. I’m hoping as he gets older it will get easier. Apparently the eye area is mature at age 8! Sorry. Should have specified. Different parts of your face mature at different times apparently. I believe the jaw/chin area isn’t mature until teenage years. @Cat5689 did your son’s friend get their scar fixed privately?

I was told that it could be done under local once a child would reliably stay still.
My dd’s scar is on the brow bone , your son’s sounds similar ?
I should say that I was incredibly upset about her scar, it was an accident, DH was holding her in the park and tripped, she fell out of the sling and by a total fluke landed on something sharp, probably glass. It bled a lot and was a huge shock, then it was mismanaged at hospital, it was a Sunday, no plastic surgeon available etc. For ages I found it really hard to see pictures of her with the bandages on, or before the scar. I wonder if part of how you feel about it is this ? I felt that I had somehow failed my baby even though it was an accident, that it was my job to keep her safe . I still feel upset when I notice it, although I don’t often notice it now.

@Christwosheds sorry you had this experience. Sounds really hard. Is her scar hidden in the eyebrow? Our son’s is just at the edge of the socket, the area you’d put highlighter on if you’re wearing makeup so just between eye and eyebrow. I feel that way too, it’s really hard to look at photos before and I think it’s also the shock and anger of finding out it would scar weeks after it happened. I’m sure if I had seen the accident I would have taken him to hospital. Do you not notice now because it’s got better or just you’ve accepted it? Even two years on my eyes go straight to it. My feeling is it will bother him but I can’t objectively say how bad it is anymore. Certainly it’s indented and fairly wide.

did your son’s friend get their scar fixed privately?

Yes.

He got it done when he was 10 or 11 before starting high school. I think in the Easter holidays of his final year at primary so it would be well healed by the time he started secondary school.

We spoke to ds about his scar at that time and asked if he wanted to investigate getting his tidied up but he said no, he wasn't bothered by it. And now he's seen his friend's he definitely doesn't want to. His friend still has a visible scar, it's just (quite a bit) neater than ds's. So ds doesn't see the point. He'll still have a scar anyway. He thinks his wider scar is more interesting and suggests a much more serious injury, which is a good thing to his mind. He's quite proud of it.

Keep your options open. And try not to dwell on it too much in the meantime. It's just a tiny part of your lovely boy.

This is meant kindly, from a mum whose dc has scars - one of which was probably my fault.

The scar's appearance is your problem. Not his.

Your ds is, I'm certain, a beautiful boy. His scar is probably invisible to almost everybody except you and people to whom you point it out.

My ds has a scar that splits an eyebrow. It probably happened because I thought the injury was not severe enough to warrant a hospital trip, so I treated it at home. With hindsight, it should have been glued or stitched. The result was a bald strip 1cm long - which is quite large in a 2yo's eyebrow. But the scar has not grown, despite the eyebrow growing. It may even have shrunk - though that could be my perception of it relative to ds's manly brows. When I realised my boy was scarred, I hoped that his adult eyebrows would be bushy enough to hide the scar. That has not happened.

However, ds never even noticed that he has a scar in his eyebrow until he was about 12, when I happened to mention the incident that had caused it.

Ds has, as I said, several scars. Some under his clothes, some more obvious. He knows the story of each one. They are part of his history, part of the experiences that make him uniquely him. Uniquely, beautifully, him.

I really respect that you can be so accepting of the scars. I have scars on my body which I was proud of as a kid. For some reason though, this one is just so hard to accept. I’m not sure whether it’s because it’s indented or just the fact I feel I had no control over how it healed and regret I wasn’t with him when it happened. Certainly I notice it more on some days than others. I’ve noted that there are some celebrities with a similar scar (dicaprio, Lawrence) and nobody describes them as ‘scarred’ so I’m going it really is just me who notices it so much.

Wow I have never noticed that DiCaprio or Lawrence had any scars on their faces. You are probably the only one who notices your son's scar.

I have a scar in that area from stitches when I was 5. It's part of me and I wouldn't want to get rid of it.

What's the saying? Scars are like tattoos but with more interesting stories.

Wait to see if it bothers him.

Harrison ford has a scar on his chin and I'm sure other actors have scars.

My dd was bitten in the face by a dog when she was young. She had this indent from the scar, but I would not say it is from a bad repair as it was done by a plastic surgeon.

As she has grown older, it has evened out a lot. Remember that skin is going to stretch and, although he may have a scar for life, it will not always look the same.

We don't even notice it now to be really honest, and I would say if I was to really take note of it, it isn't an indent I would notice first, but that the skin where the scar is, is slightly lighter.

She is a young adult now, and once or twice years ago we discussed more surgery to try to disguise it a bit. She was not as bothered about it as me. I thought with her being a girl, she may want to, but she did not want further surgery on her face.

I think now, if I had insisted she have more surgery I would have regretted it. It does not bother her at all. She says it is part of her, it makes her unique. I really love her attitude.

I can confirm that you will be noticing it more than anyone else. My son has a visible scar from a cleft lip repair and people (including health care professionals) are frequently surprised (in a way that makes it clear they didn't notice any scar) when I mentioned he had a cleft when younger.

If your son is 2.5 and can't have any surgery until 8 at the earliest then you don't need to make any decisions now. Maybe find out if there is an upper limit on when the surgery could take place so that you know if there is a hard deadline you need to make the decision by.

Finally, this charity might be useful to you - https://www.changingfaces.org.uk/ they have resources which can help you articulate and come to terms with your feelings.

Take care xx

I do get the guilt part of this. Although accidents happen and we seem to be more accepting if it happened to us. But for our child, it is a hard thing to accept that they were hurt in our care.

Have a think about what more surgery will involve for him. And then how having a small scar will affect his life. I am pretty sure it will have no effect whatsoever, but I do understand the want to 'make it right'.

I say it gently, could you stop yourself from focusing on this, and see how things are when he is older. If it bothers him, absolutely go ahead with further surgery. But I suspect, by then, everyone will just have accepted it as part of who he is.

Hi

my son fell into a metal table and gashed his eyebrow.

the gash was really deep and is really noticeable. I’m struggling with living with it day to day. It was under my watch and I missed it happening at a friends house.

just came here as I’m so cut up. I saw a plastic surgeon last week who was so sweet and reassuring. My son is 2 he said it was a case of watch and wait.

I just want it the revision done. I know he’ll have a scar still but lots of kids have eyebrow stitches so I feel it’ll be a more normal looking scar.

Yeah I know. Won’t be rushing into anything with risks. It’s just quite prominent. So bloody hard.

really struggling to cope with my bad judgement which has seriously harmed my child. And the depression I am in as a result isn’t helping anyone either

Did the surgeon tell you that it's current appearance is because it wasn't glued? It's rare that you would put glue so close to the eye, especially in a small wriggly child, and it's only really suitable for superficial wounds.
A cut will cause a scar no matter what happens but the risk of these wide scars can be reduced with deeper sutures.
Without seeing the wound my instinct would be to leave it alone and see what it looks like in a few years

These days they glue everything under 5 as they don’t want to use GA on young kids and it’s hard to stictch young kids without GA, so the decision is made on what going to cause the least trauma rather than with the final aesthetic in mind.

I agree re leaving the decision for the minute, it’s done now, so if I’m to have a revision it’ll be one we do much later down the line.

very hard the whole thing