Have you taken dc to GP for weight?

[royaloats]

Curious if anyone has an overweight child and has taken them to the GP?

May I ask what happened?

DSD is on the 99th centile. Husband and his ex spoke last April regarding weight and she agreed it was an issue so they came up with a plan to get their dd more active/eating well etc.

This isn't an issue at ours, we are all healthy and healthy weight. Unfortunately, it is from dsd mum and eating habits. They are both very overweight.

Husband has tried again to speak to his ex but she's very hostile and won't communicate regarding their daughter and is now ignoring him.

Due to the distance, we only see dsd in school half terms and holidays.

We are now planning on taking dsd to the GP re her health when she is with us in Easter and wondering what they will do? If anything?

The kick in the teeth part is, that the last few weeks she's been back home, her mum has been transferring money into her go Henry which we set up for her, and she's bought numerous McDonald's and other junk food with it. It's almost like she's doing it on purpose but surely not..

This isn't an isolated issue unfortunately. There are other things going on such as 82% attendance at school, frequently poorly, sleeping on the floor etc etc.

But we really want to address the weight issue as we know that it will cause mental and physical problems if not sorted! She starts senior school in September.

no professional experience, but was an obese child so have some insight... I wonder if dealing with the 'other' stuff will improve the weight issue. Poor school attendance, illnesses, sleeping on the floor (!), perhaps picking up on conflict between parents are probably making the poor kid miserable - battering her about being overweight on top of all that might just make things worse. Childhood obesity is a huge problem but it might be that it's just a symptom of other issues that need solving first. Hope things turn out ok.

I agree with the above. I’m sure you mean well, but if you have her as little as you mention I’m not sure how much you’ll be able to do unless her mum is on board. It sounds like an acrimonious co-parenting relationship with very different rules/expectations from the 2 households (no one at fault Just differing values and beliefs).
Personally I would hesitate over a Gp trip as the girl presumably knows she is overweight and to hear it said formally won’t do much to help other than to make her feel embarrassed.. I’d guess she is comfort eating and it’s not like you don’t know the source of weight gain (different if she ate healthily all the time and was piling on weight and you were worried about eg a thyroid issue).
I’m just gently questioning what you hope to get out of taking her to the Gp when it sounds like the real issue is the differing attitudes towards food in your and her mum’s house, and how (if at all) you can improve /
address that?

Edited to add: maybe block her go Henry if you set it up, if she’s using it to buy junk food and make it a simple rule you don’t allow junk food when she’s with you? What she does with her mum is not anything you can control / have a say in I guess.

How old is she? What do you expect the GP to do? Being taken to the drs and hearing your parents discuss your weight with a doctor would be incredibly damaging. As pp said, the other issues need tackling and will most likely then have an impact on her weight.

I took my daughter to the gp for the exact opposite. In the fact that they were failure to thrive.

we got sent to an endocrine dr.

Sorry I guess I just thought if we had a health professional put in writing that she is overweight and needs to lose some/get healthy, that her mum might take it seriously. She is overweight and they both just eat junk food all the time.

We have tried to address the other issues, the school don't care re attendance as mum calls up and says she's sick everytime.

She finally got a bed a couple days ago now from a family member (the bed has been available since last July but the mum said she wouldn't get it until her daughter learnt to respect things, she jumped on her bed hence why it broke).

She is 11.

What would your desired outcome from a visit to the GP be?
imo the GP is either going to agree with you she's overweight, and tell you do to the things you are already implementing, or say you are fussing over nothing. Neither is going to get you any further forward.

Husband has been to court re communication, parental obstruction etc and everything was ruled in his favour. His ex isn't taking it seriously at all and is ignoring all his communication on their parenting app they speak through regarding their daughter's well being and needs.

I just don't understand if your child is overweight, and you know they are and admit it, why you'd not help them become healthy?

I honestly thought that it might make the mum take things seriously and help their daughter to get fit if a health professional has told them to do so.

I see there are scheme via NHS for children who are overweight also, that parents go to with their children so maybe they could signpost her to them?

I know if a health professional tells you that your child is overweight and you need to do something about it, but you don't, it can become a safe guarding concern.

I'm not sure a woman who let her child sleep on the floor for 7 months and isn't bothered by court rulings is going to give two hoots about a GP's opinion!

Might it be better to use the health angle? Especially as your DSD misses a lot of school. The GP will probably mention her weight and poor diet. By the way I doubt very much that the school isn't bothered by her attendance. You could try to get them onside too.

As a social worker, none of what you have described is ideal. However, being overweight isn’t a safeguarding concern. Neither is sleeping without a bed frame If the child jumps on them and breaks them, as long as she has a mattress and a new bed frame when she’s learned to not jump and break them. If school are authorising her absences they don’t do that lightly. While none of it is “perfect” parenting, she’s being cared for and fed. If I were you I’d ask for mediation to try and improve co-parenting between her
dad and mum (respectfully without out you as often mediation is most successful with just the bio parents partaking) and failing that I’d do my best in the times she’s with you to model healthy
Eating / good self care and show her love and respect. She may even choose to increase her time with you if she feels it’s more stable once she’s at an age where she can voice and legally be heard on where she wants to live as the primary residence.
taking her to the Gp to be told she eats too much junk food when you all know that? At best you’ll be told what you already know and at worst it will compound her
issues with comfort eating and could exacerbate eating issues in the future ☹️all you can do is take care of her when she’s with you, and if you want to look at increasing that time you always have
the
right to request the court revisit the residency agreement, especially once she is 12 and If SHE wants to come to stay with her dad more.

They aren't- husband had a meeting last week and follow on emails this week. They aren't bothered re hygiene, attendance, illness, not sleeping in a bed etc. headteacher stated that mum calls so they are authorised absences. Husband asked at what percentage would they intervene and they said it's just done case by case. Even though their policy states anything below 94% is flagged.

One thought. My dm took me to a gp re a teen problem,. She hadn't discussed it with me and I found it humiliating and spectacularly patronising. It didn't help at all. I saw it as just another form of her interfering, and made me dislike her even more.

I think you need to step back and let the girl's parents sort it out as best they can. Maybe be a bit less judgemental.

You could provide healthy food and activities when she is with you, model healthy eating, teach her to cook some basic meals for herself if she is interested and wait for her to make those decisions for herself.

GP can't do a lot to change a child's diet and life at home. Child's mum and dad have to do it.

He needs to go back to court and file a motion for contempt (motion to show cause) if she is ignoring a court order wrt communication.

It's a pita to have to keep on going back to court but don't let him let this slide.

You may well end up with DSD moving in with you.

Unfortunately, I do agree with you, but there is a bigger picture going on also here too. I didn't want to drip feed but also only wanted to speak re dsd weight/health.

They have had so many mediations before my husband took her to court, his ex just didn't want to know. The mediations were pointless; no compromise her end. Hence why it went to court. Judge ruled everything that husband went in for. That obviously then annoyed his ex even more.

She is very manipulative unfortunately.

DSD still comes to us with poo in her knickers, very smelly, bad teeth (hadn't been to dentist so we took her), reoccurring nits, house is horrid and filthy, cat mess everywhere. We have been in contact with social services but again, they are so stretched and where DSD is fed etc I don't think it's much of a concern to them.

It is to us, and we would want to go for full residency. The only thing is, she is 11 and her friends etc are all where she lives. So i don't think a judge would rule it as she wouldn't want to move to us.

Mum obstructed all contact until court hearing and now it's ruled that calls happen on x days at x times and even so, a few have been missed. She ignores all communications from husband. It's just such a mess to be honest!

We do all this already and always have done. Unfortunately it isn't enough.

She eats microwave meals for her lunches and gets take outs numerous times a week. Starbucks for breakfast etc.

We are unsure if dsd mum had mental health problems or not which might be a reason why this is happening. But we have tried and tried to help, discuss things with dsd mum. She isn't interested and still feeds dsd poor food.

No, I know this but we thought perhaps if a GP was to tell dsd mum, then she might listen to them, if she isn't listening to my husband.

@mathanxiety we did think this but court order doesn't say she has to get back to us within a certain time frame etc. just states all communication save emergency to go through the parenting app.

That all sounds very hard ☹️unfortunately at her age social work and a judge will listen to what she wants and if she’s settled in an area and school with friends it’s very unlikely she’d want to move as that is her daily stability.

Sadly if we acted with concern for every child with poor dental hygiene and nits and some cat mess that didn’t make the litter tray, we’d have over 60-70% of children in UK on our books which would only further harm those who are truly in need. In an ideal world she would have these needs met, but if she comes To you at some point each school holiday and you take her for dental check ups and treat her hair then she’ll be getting these self-care areas checked and treated roughly a
minimim of 4 -5 times a year? Which is much more than many I’m afraid. Poo in pants could be hygiene/ poor wiping related and something you could gently mention to her quietly. again some smearing in pants really isn’t unusual at age 12 (more so by 14/15).

Lastly, research clearly shows it really isn’t in a child’s best interests to solely live with one parent only, unless there is a history of violent or sexual abuse. Children thrive best when they are able to spend time with both birth parents, and it’s in very very rare cases we would recommend full residency with only one parent.

One last thought - If you live some distance from her mum, I imagine you and she will have different Gp surgeries? It’s very unlikely your Gp would talk to a parent not at their practice. I think you may get a letter you could add to the parenting app stating she is overweight but it doesn’t sound like that would do anything. School nurse will flag up obesity to mum and address is, if relations are hostile with your partner and her mum it’s probably better that it comes from her not you.

Please don’t take her to the gp in order to get her mother to change. It won’t work and the poor girl will be more of a pawn than ever if you go that route.
Being overweight does not sound like her biggest problem to me.
A trip to a gp in this position may well scar her even more than what she is currently going through.
If food is her comfort then who wouldn’t use it if their life was like hers?
I would concentrate on her self esteem instead, nice smellies, clothes, building a good relationship where she feels able to talk about how she feels.
Maybe a hobby which is active but enjoyable to her?
She needs a huge cuddle not anything that may well make her feel even worse.

Thank you but we already do all of this; of course we do. This isn't something that has happened over night. It's a concept we have had for years and nothing is changing with her mother. This is where the frustration lies.

Exactly this, why would you OP think that she would care less?

She's clearly not bothered by the school attendance stuff and will have had communications about that from authority, she will no doubt have been informed via the school about her weight (she may have been weighed as part of health monitoring) and isnt bothered that way