Autism or am I just overthinking?

[Buttercup1999]

Hi everyone,
This is my first post and after reading so many I thought I would just bite the bullet and do my own.
I have a 2yr 4mth old toddler who has been put forward for autism assessment due to an awful 2 year check up with HV. Now whilst I can see why she put him forward that day, I haven't been able to concentrate, sleep (hence the late night post) or eat properly since worrying about him. Please please be honest and tell me what you think from your own knowledge and experiences.

As of his age right now he can
*Make amazing eye contact always with family, people he meets etc
*Recognises and knows names of family, grandparents, aunts, uncle's etc
*Points to things asked of him no problem but I can't remember when he started pointing, was before 2
*Knows most objects and can speak in 2-3 word sentences, "more juice please" "want some cheerios" "love you mummy"
*is fine with different noises
*recognises name and can say name when asked
*understands and follows 1-2 step instructions
*knows colours, alphabet and numbers 1-10 in and out of context
*is starting to count objects
*is very affectionate
*can go up and downstairs holding on himself
*is about to start potty train, can say 'change bum' when he needs it but will avoid if he has sore bum from back teeth coming
*his pretend play is very good, plays cars and makes vroom noises, talks on pretend phone, feeds dolls etc

Things that are concerning me
*jumps excessively and sometimes flaps when he's excited or waiting in anticipation for something like a biscuit or a toy to be opened
*repeating phrases that we say or the last few words just after we say them
*copies everything his big sister (4) does
*rocks from side to side when watching TV or just randomly for short periods of time
*walks on tiptoes at different times throughout the day, mainly in socks but can use flat of his foot too
*used to be obsessed with spinning wheels and helicopter tops but hasn't done that as months
*lines wee cars up every now and then
*spins around himself maybe a few times one day and not another. Can look out the corner of his eye whilst doing so but can say 'turn around' before he does it.

There's prob more things for each list but that's a rough idea.
Am I right to have a concern or am I over reacting? He's a lockdown baby and we are only starting to attend baby clubs in the next month or 2 so unsure of how he will react to other children, he has an amazing relationship with his sister though. Full of fun and giggles together.

Thanks in advance for any responses, much appreciated

Autienotnaughty she has referred him to paediatric assessment team and I've sent the initial forms in so just waiting to hear back. Goodness knows how long it will take, especially with waiting lists due to the past few years.
And you're right, he's perfect. He's such a bundle of fun. Loves to laugh. Thank you for you're reply

This was me when DS was a similar age. He was severely speech delayed and it was after his first session with a SALT (over video due to Covid) that I really started to worry to the point where I couldn’t eat or sleep, and was prescribed anti-anxiety meds. I’d spend hours analysing his every move/Googling everything about ASD and was 100% convinced he was on the spectrum. I was devastated as I could only see the negatives of ASD and was convinced his future would be one huge struggle.

The traits that your son has sound so similar to my DS, with the exception that DS didn’t say a word until he was 3, and barely had any pretend play (which the SALT was very concerned about).

Fast forward a couple of years and DS is like a different child. His speech has caught up and he’s thriving at nursery with lots of good friends. His ASD traits have gone & neither nursery nor his SALT (who he’s still seeing privately but doesn’t really need anymore) have any concerns. This was certainly not the outcome I was expecting.

DS didn’t start nursery until he was 3 and, before that, had limited contact with other children due to Covid, which I now think explains quite a lot.

You may have a similar outcome or your son may have ASD, but I came to realise that having ASD does not mean that he won’t have a bright future ahead of him, just as being NT will not mean he won’t have any struggles.

He is pointing, talking in phrases, doing imaginative play, following instructions, met motor milestones and is interested in and copying his sister. My son who has high level needs related to autism did not have those skills or had them and lost them by 2.5. My son would look right through me at that age and was more interested in memorising numbers and letters. He would push other children away. if you did rhymes or songs with him on your knee would there be a back and forth of social interaction between you. Does he let you join in with his play. The quality of the social interaction and interest in others is key for autism. Does he like things more than people. Does he seek you out. Teachmetotalk.com and lots of SLT resources on Pinterest etc have ideas for toys and games that are more interactive where you can work on that back and forth ‘conversation’ between him and other people. Cerebra charity has a free postal library with loads of books on ND conditions and ideas for play. Nothing you do to help speech, social skills or play skills is harmful - at worst you will be doing therapy that turns out not to be needed. Do you have portage workers in your area - there may be drop in sessions or drop in SLT sessions at children’s centres. I wouldn’t put massive weight on a HV ours missed all signs at age 2 check and my son is profoundly affected / a textbook case

That's amazing LoveTheYellowBallOfJoy that your little boy is thriving! It must have been very hard having to access that support by video too.
You've described me perfectly and I've genuinely considered going to the doctor for help because I'm sure my husband and my poor mum who I offload on are fed up with me!
It's just a waiting game isn't it too, they all develop so differently, different times and their own way! Honestly this mum journey is a serious emotional rollercoaster!

Thank you so much for your reply too and I hope your little man continues to make such good progress 😊

An assessment takes ages to come through so if he's showing less signs when it does that's great if he hasn't changed or having more difficulties. He is on the road to getting any support needed.
There is a school of thought that we are all on the spectrum in some ways it's just if our traits mean life is hard we need help.
Most children do things at around 2 that are recognised signs in older children...spinning, lining up toys, getting dizzy, excited movements like flapping, obsession with a toy, so it's hard to tell

Oh wow JJ8765 that is a fantastic help with the resources, thank you so much, I will absolutely be looking at those. He adores music and singing, a definite social interaction there when we do it. Loves to play together, will make me 'tea' and bring me 'cake' to eat. I've started to use little figures now with him and if one was to 'fall' he would ask it if it's OK. Will absolutely seek myself or his dad out in room.
I'm sure it's been an emotional roller coaster for yourself going through the process with your little one also. I hope you are both doing well 💙

Very true Jannier, thank you for taking the time to respond.
I'm taking the appropriate steps for him already which can only be a good thing. Noone prepares you for this kind of stuff at antenatal classes etc the reality of raising children! The worries you will have about them, big and small 😕

OP he sounds like a completely normal toddler to me. Please relax. It drives me mad how you get people on threads like this who say stuff like “he sounds exactly like my child, except my child also had no speech and lots of sensory issues”…!

The things that you are concerned about might be a concern if he was still doing them at 4 or 5, but not for a toddler. He sounds like a completely typically developing child.

I was one who said op child sounds like mine but with no speech and I find it quite harsh what you've said.

The worry is horrendous, all you want is the best for them. If a professional didn't raise concerns then no, we probably wouldn't be as worried. It's a hard situation to be in.

ParentsTrapped thanks for your reply and I truly understand where you're coming from but the type of person I am I can't relax. Im a born stresser! Especially when it comes to my children. Believe me I wish I could chill, so does my husband lol! You're right in so many ways he's a typically developing toddler but there's just wee niggles there that I'm watching him for, and again they can be put down to him being 2 so it's just gonna take a while to see if he grows out of them. Either way he has me supporting him every step of the way.

SunshineClouds1 absolutely the worry is like nothing I've ever felt and it def sounds the same for you. There's no amount of researching, googling, talking to people take it away as much as you try. You know it's serious when you've been or are considering going to the doctor! 😔

@SunshineClouds1 apologies, I wasn’t actually thinking of anyone in particular.

But let’s say the OP was worried that their child had chickenpox and they were describing that their symptoms were that they were feeling mildly under the weather. And then someone chimes in with “my child has chickenpox and they were exactly like that except that they were also covered in itchy spots”…it’s similar to that. Lack of speech is a huge indicator of potential ASD. The other stuff the OP has mentioned is totally normal in toddlers.

I know what you mean but I think we've said 'my child is the same but we have xyz' to show, for example how well her child is talking is a positive sign.

Whilst being speech delayed is a big flag for asd, you can be speech delay regardless of having no other traits.

Yes it may be 'normal children behaviour' but they are also flags on the list. And like I said previously to be told by a professional they need an assessment for X, it's scary. So what may seem normal to some people isn't normal for others.

My son had quite precocious language skills, made eye contact, very affectionate.

He has massive issues with inflexible thinking, some sensory issues, difficult transitions.

Unfortunately you're not going to get a definitive answer very quickly OP. I would advise you to pace yourself with worrying. The very first advice we were given after diagnosis was to socialise our son as much as possible, so perhaps focus on that in case he does end up with a diagnosis.

*this post was written with kind/helpful intentions, I will not be responding to anyone who takes umbrage with it. Especially those who don't actually have SEN children.

One of the worst things is waiting for diagnosis IMO. I felt like I couldn't enjoy my child during this period because I can constantly scanning for signs and analysing every behaviour, no matter how innocent.

There are some red flags here - toe walking, flapping etc. I think it's worth further investigation.

However, even if he does turn out to be autistic. He sounds a delightful child. And that won't change just because he's got a diagnosis.

Well if it was me I wouldn’t see autism in what you’ve described. Is your mum worried? If you haven’t asked her or mil ask them directly. The HV sounds unhelpful and his behaviour typical given hers. Flapping and toe walking are normal behaviour but often used as a stim by autistics so if he’s only doing it as you describe they’re fine.

Honestly? Whether he fits the criteria (which he doesn’t sound particularly likely to) or doesn’t it makes very little difference to what you do now. He’s your son. Love him how he is and whatever comes be there. Relax into it. He only gets one childhood regardless of any challenges, make it happy.

Caramac555 you've hit the nail on the head there as in I'm not gonna get an answer quick, which is making me even more anxious. Its just something I have to deal with. I agree with the socialising part though and it's my goal over the next few months.

Knitfastdieyoung the waiting is torture, I feel totally like that. I just have to reassure myself I'm doing my best for him at this moment and whatever will be will be. I so don't want it to steal my joy of watching him grow up. Thanks for your reply.

It's better you said it, he only gets one child hood! As I write this he's sitting at his sisters make up table letting her pretend to dry his hair and brush it lol. My mum isn't worried, I've asked her numerous times and she keeps saying he's 2, that she sees good improvements in his speech over the past month or 2. Thanks for replying, its much appreciated.

Have a lovely Saturday everyone 🙂

Hi
Im just wondering how this turned out? Did you get a diagnosis?
My lo is almost 3 and sounds exactly like you ds.

Overthinking

Stop searching for a label

A diagnosis is simply a diagnosis. Not a label.