I thought I'd update from my comments in 2018 to say ds was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD in 2021.
He had grown out of many of the symptoms, but he was going to a school thing at 5am, and the teacher talked to 19 children who stood still and listened... and ds who hopped round the group the entire time.
I took him to the GP in March 2020 and asked for referral for ADHD.
Long story short: The initial assessment said not ADHD but look at ASD. He had the ASD assessment and they told me he was right on the border line and they had to decide whether he was "NT with ASD traits" or "diagnosed with ASD". They decided he was just over the threshold and diagnosed him - and immediately wanted to recheck if he had ADHD. They made the same comments (different assessors) about him being right on the boundary, but again they diagnosed him.
Now firstly I want to reassure people. He's still my quirky little chap. At 16yo he wouldn't appreciate that comment. 🤣 He even gave me a hug yesterday and his eye contact is good.
He has a lovely group of friends, he got reasonable GCSEs and is doing A-levels. He does various things outside school and is doing well.
The diagnosis helped him in several ways: it helped his self-esteem. He said he now knew he wasn't the "naughty boy" but his brain worked differently. It also meant that this opened access to other things. For example, he now uses a laptop including for exams. If things are not right at school, I can involve the SENCO, and she's great at fighting corners.
It's also given him "permission" to say when things are hard for him. he still doesn't touch sand, but will tell people comfortable that he has sensory issues with it. If he's going out and feeling vulnerable (like meeting new people) he'll wear a hoodie and pull the hood right up. He can look like a bit of a thug, but that's his barrier against the world; once he's comfortable, then it comes down. These things he would have just masked through (well the sand was always an issue!) with others.
What I would say looking back, is that in some ways I wished I'd pushed right back in year R. But I'm not sure he would have got a diagnosis then. And I don't think I'd have gone back and asked again. I think it's a hard one, because I think certainly top end of juniors might have been a bit better for him, but actually he's not done too badly. He probably would have been achieving a little better because it was a little late, but he's happy, so that's the main thing.
My advice for @ThePithyStork would be get the grommets. Don't expect an amazing change-you may get one, but a lot it's small things. Note down now any behaviours, frequency etc that worry you. After he's had the grommets in a month, then do another diary and see if things have changed. Don't let him know you've done that though.
For ds he also had the issue that he was a summer boy. "He's a summer boy, he'll grow out of it" I think I heard until he was 8 or 9. To my mind that's one of the reasons summer boys do worse - they're excused so they don't have the expectation nor intervention needed.
And remember, whether he has ASD or not, he's still your little boy. ASD is a label to help you (and others) understand him, not something that once is attached causes the behaviour. I hope that makes sense.
But keep monitoring. I'd stopped thinking ds had ASD/ADHD from about age 8, and it was only when I saw him with his peers I realised it wasn't right. And don't be afraid to go back to school or your GP (I was quite lucky in timing, lockdown actually made it easier rather than harder) and push for assessment if you feel at any point, including into the distance.