Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

Original poster

Is anyone childfree but not interested in being a 'career woman'

38 replies

redeyedcat · 21/10/2023 17:30

I am early 30s and I have an ok job, it is not too stressful (and I've had very stressful jobs in the past). I would like to progress, but not to the point of senior manager/director level with heaps of responsibility. My nerves couldn't handle it!

And yet, I feel many view us women without children as married to our career, and that's the reason for our childfree status. And a lot of the CF women I know do have very successful careers. As the years go on and I get older, I feel I will be judged more so.

I'm not saying people with children can't be successful in careers, I just think maybe society thinks there is no excuse for CF women to not be?

OP posts:
androidnotapple · 21/10/2023 17:32

I guess the thing is that with no kids you have much more time to devote to a career - but that doesn't mean you have to. If you enjoy your work and don't want to progress, just stick at it. Personally I value the increased autonomy that comes with climbing the career ladder, but it's not for everyone.

EvenBetta · 21/10/2023 17:33

Me. When anyone rudely questions it I enjoy telling them how much free time and peace and quiet I have. I don’t owe anyone my labour or explanations and couldn’t care less what anyone’s thoughts are about me.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 21/10/2023 17:37

And yet, I feel many view us women without children as married to our career, and that's the reason for our childfree status

Society in general has this idea that if you aren't a parent then you have to justify your existence somehow, and career woman is just the stereotype of choice. It's lazy and uninformed but it's nice and easy as an explanation for women being childfree - you're a 'career highflyer' who spends her time on 'exotic farflung holidays' when you're not driving your 'expensive sportscar' to your 'million pound city flat' that compensate for your CF existence.

I don't have children because I decided while still at school that I didn't want them, and I've never had a career I'm wedded to. I suspect that descibes quite a few childfree women like me.

Lottapianos · 21/10/2023 17:38

'I guess the thing is that with no kids you have much more time to devote to a career - but that doesn't mean you have to'

Exactly right. I mostly enjoy my job and feel very grateful for that, but I'm as far up the career ladder as I want to be in terms of responsibility. And how great! It means I get to stay out of a lot of the politics and nonsense at work and just get on with my own job

There are all sorts of misconceptions about what childfree women are like - the truth, of course, is that we're all our own people and have our own interests and motivations. Ditching all the 'shoulds' was one of the best things I ever did for myself!

NunsKnickers · 21/10/2023 17:40

Me!

I used to have a 'career' type, professional job, but was exhausted and stressed so now work as a TA part time.

Obviously I can only afford to do this as my DH earns enough, we're mortgage free, have inherited money and are childfree.

I love it! I like the job but love being at home. I'm studying with the OU, enjoy cooking, reading, going for walks and generally have a lovely life. 🙂

musixa · 21/10/2023 17:51

Me. I'm nearly 50 and at middle-manager level, having slowly worked up from the bottom - I can't see myself climbing any higher. I have never had a career path in mind - just taken opportunities when they arose. I try to be in a role I enjoy and I take pride in my work, but I will be retiring as soon as it's financially possible.

I couldn't cope with the politics at senior/director level and I don't have the ginormous ego that I think is needed to survive at that level.

Incidentally, most of my seniors at work, of both sexes, seem to be parents and every time we get a new Really Important Person, the company-wide announcement includes that they have two children and a Labrador! I wait in vain for a child-free role-model to arrive at Executive level!

Intbstms · 21/10/2023 18:14

I definitely don't want a career, it has the similar demands of a child that I wouldn't want for myself or my lifestyle. A high flying career to me would be like a baby with paperwork.

jurassictart · 21/10/2023 18:16

Me, increasingly. Planning to learn the drums instead.

Noicant · 21/10/2023 18:25

I was never particularly career oriented I ended up having one child but I can completely understand why someone wouldn’t want children and also wouldn’t want to devote their lives to a career.

Using your time for other things like hobbies and interests or even just playing sudoku. I think theres an element of believing everyone has to be striving for something all the time as if you aren’t experiencing pressure you aren’t living an adult life. Think it’s a failure of imagination, a peaceful life with no constant demands sounds like a good and happy life to me.

PinkBuffalo · 21/10/2023 18:32

Me! I am in a job that pays the bills that is the only good thing I can say about it

ButterMyParsnip · 21/10/2023 19:18

I'm the same. I have a job that pays the bills. I don't love it and don't want to progress higher up. It would be a different story if I had children and had childcare bills to pay and then the inevitable cost of older children keeping up with their peers.

UtterlyButterly2048 · 21/10/2023 19:24

My choice to be child free comes down to the fact that I’ve always known I would be a shit parent. I haven’t the patience for it. My career has literally nothing to do with that. I could be unemployed or the CEO of a multi national. I still don’t have the patience for children, so my career is irrelevant.

LaurieStrode · 21/10/2023 19:28

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 21/10/2023 17:37

And yet, I feel many view us women without children as married to our career, and that's the reason for our childfree status

Society in general has this idea that if you aren't a parent then you have to justify your existence somehow, and career woman is just the stereotype of choice. It's lazy and uninformed but it's nice and easy as an explanation for women being childfree - you're a 'career highflyer' who spends her time on 'exotic farflung holidays' when you're not driving your 'expensive sportscar' to your 'million pound city flat' that compensate for your CF existence.

I don't have children because I decided while still at school that I didn't want them, and I've never had a career I'm wedded to. I suspect that descibes quite a few childfree women like me.

Edited

Exactly.

I am senior in my career by virtue of age/years in the workforce, but my only motivation is money, because it enables me to travel, do philanthropy, take good care of my (late) pets and enjoy a nice home. Could give a shit about prestige, power, status, accolades, etc., in the workplace. It's a means to an end.

I didn't have kids because I don't enjoy being around them whatsoever, and because I saw no need to add to the planet's already outsized burden, and because I wanted to spend my energy and earnings on other things. I don't need a job or anything else as some sort of twisted consolation prize.

EspressoMacchiato · 21/10/2023 19:31

I follow a woman on instagram who is child free and a stay at home wife.

She looks after the house, reads books, drinks tea, cooks meals and looks like she’s 21 not 41.

WarmLightsAtNight · 21/10/2023 19:32

Me!!

Single and child free, don't want kids don't want a husband and certainly don't want a glittery ladder to climb and all the stress that comes with it. I have a good job but it's not a career.

I work four days per week and spend the rest of the time trying to just life live as peacefully and low stress as possible. I absolutely hate noise / chaos and I'm a very quiet, anxious person. If I'm boring I really don't care.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 21/10/2023 19:35

Single and child free, don't want kids don't want a husband and certainly don't want a glittery ladder to climb and all the stress that comes with it. I have a good job but it's not a career

I looked at the people who climbed that glittery ladder and they really were not the sort of people I wanted to become.

DarkWingDuck · 21/10/2023 19:40

I have one child and a DH who shares all the childcare 50/50. Obviously not child free but I have a lot less childcare commitment than many mums I know with multiple children and or partners working away etc. I also don’t care much for a high flying career. I work more hours than I would like to but have no aspirations for going up. If anything I would like to work much less and spend my days reading, waking and pottering.

SleepPrettyDarling · 21/10/2023 19:44

I was chatting to two friends lately who are both single and child-free. I was talking about applying for a new role, and they are both thinking of doing less, if possible. By virtue of long years of service and incremental promotions, to middle management roles, and not having taken time out with children, they have mortgages paid off (small houses that meet their needs, and bought early 2000s), good holiday entitlements, and good pensions. One has company shares in her blue chip multinational employer. At 50-51, they’ve no desire to work any harder, and can have a really nice life. They’re dead right.

PAfsapfujasfp · 21/10/2023 19:48

Children are expensive so childfree couples are in the best place financially to take it easy, career wise.

I do want kids but not so desperate that I'd be willing to go through IVF. If TTC naturally fails I'm leaving it at that.

Without kids our combined salaries are more than ample, no reason to aim higher. While I love my job I don't like all the BS of workplace politics, bureaucracy, paperwork always having to worry about what people think of you. So tiring.

So no, I would not 'climb' the ladder.

I find this whole career rhetoric odd though. Different people have different definitions of success. I have a 'career', currently in middle management in a well paid field but I have no desire to break into senior management. Few people ever achieve that, and in my field there are lots of people who have been at the same 'level' for decades. Decent pay, decent working conditions, no reason to move so they've stayed with the company.

Of course one can't get complacent, we could get made redundant etc at any time... but we're human beings not human doings. As long as I have enough to eat out once in a while and buy nice food I'm satisfied.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 21/10/2023 20:54

Incidentally, most of my seniors at work, of both sexes, seem to be parents and every time we get a new Really Important Person, the company-wide announcement includes that they have two children and a Labrador! I wait in vain for a child-free role-model to arrive at Executive level!

Same! And yet I’m still constantly told that being childless means I must be more senior and/or paid more than my parent colleagues.

theduchessofspork · 21/10/2023 20:58

I haven’t heard the term career woman since the 80s, so I would knock that on the head OP.

Anyway, no I don’t think anyone expects that. A lot of child free people I know chose that partly they can earn less and have more free time.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/10/2023 21:24

I have a child (late 30s) and when I think about what it would be like to be child free I'm not thinking 'they could work so hard into the evenings and earn more and be more successful than me!' I'm thinking 'wow they can have a lie in and then potter around and go to a nice pub and go out dancing and spontaneously drive to the beach and book last minute flights and go scuba diving' - if much rather hear my child free friend is enjoying her free time rather than giving it all up to climb a corporate ladder!

LoobyDop · 21/10/2023 21:52

It goes with thinking that if you don’t have childcare taking up all your time you must have nothing to do and nothing you care about. So why wouldn’t you be happy to spend every waking hour working- what else have you got?

I think I’m actually far more protective of my time and less prepared to put in long hours than my colleagues with children, because the women are permanently hung up on feeling they need to justify their place in the workplace, and prove their commitment.

AllSewnUp · 21/10/2023 21:55

Im in my 40's, i rent, don't drive, don't have kids and i have no interest in having a partner. My job is a zero hour contract and relatively stress free, and I'm not a high earner. I earn enough to pay rent, bills, feed myself and have some spending money each week, and save a little each month.

I paint, sew, read books, go for lovely walks, swim, and generally have a chilled life. I LOVE IT!

Honestly, I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. Nothing I do is illegal, and I pay my taxes.

As with those who made the decision to get a partner, have crotch goblins, and a high paying career, I've made the decision to opt out of all of that as it's not in line with my needs and preferences.

Do you, OP. The main thing is that you live in line with who you really are, not what anyone else in society thinks you should be. Who cares what anyone else thinks. It's not them getting out of your bed each morning to face a brand new day, is it. It's you. They're most likely all so knackered they probably long for your life anyway!

Blanketenvy · 21/10/2023 22:00

This also frustrates me the idea that you must have some endless drive and passion for your career as a childfree (or in my case childless) woman.
I do have a 'career' I guess but work part time due to shitty health issues and spend the rest of my life just trying to muddle through like most people probably . Certainly no massive ambitions around my career (other than to stay being able to earn enough money to just pay the bills)