How did you choose to be childfree? Initially not by choice?

[Mydogisamazing]

Hi everyone. After three failed rounds of IVF I'm considering whether I want to have another go. I'm 40 and DP is a bit older. I don't know if this makes sense but life right now (forgetting the failed IVF!) is quite good. Interesting job, hobbies, interests, lots of friends, live in a big city, world at my feet, do whatever I want all of the time. But I've always wanted a family/child one day, and wondered just because things are ok as they are now maybe I'll want MORE one day. But time is not on our side. It's now or never with kids (has been for a few years!) But I don't know how much longer to plough into IVF, also financially it's obviously not great.

I often look at friends with children and it looks relentless and boring and hard work and I worry I'm too tired/lazy/impatient. But I also see the joy and get upset at the thought of it not happening. I've spent the weekend very upset as our latest embryo transfer has failed. But it's also got me thinking.

Not sure what I'm asking really. I suppose, how do you make the decision? Did you have failed IVF then stop and make a decision to be childfree? I want whatever I/we do to be a positive conscious decision.
Or maybe you can convince me that being childfree is the best thing ever!

Didn't have to choose. I never liked children much even when I was one, and already knew then I didn't want any. Never had to make a decision because I never met a man I fancied, much less wanted to live with (I would never have been able to afford to be a single parent even if I'd wanted a child).

I saw a copy of this book in a charity shop today - seemed to be mainly mindfulness exercises:

https://www.abebooks.co.uk/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=31510410935&ref_=ps_ggl_2039220669&cm_mmc=ggl--UK_Shopp_Tradestandard--product_id=UK9781509809035USED-_-keyword=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6IfGiqTm_wIVZIyDBx15lwTcEAQYAiABEgJhJ_D_BwE

Same.

When I was younger I did assume I would want them one day but I realised that day would never come because I simply don’t enjoy being around children and the thought of having my own fills me with horror.

I'm sorry if this sounds cliche but if you're not sure or have time to spend but don't want 'full time' kids have you thought about fostering? My friend is single, child free (by choice) and is a very busy GP. She respite fosters. Has a little boy once a month for the weekend and can say who and for how long. She loves it and is still happy childfree but gets to be involved and go places she wouldn't necessarily without children.

Wrong thread?

Thank you, have ordered. Decent reviews on Amazon!

No, not the wrong thread - I thought it was interesting in the context of people making the shift from wanting children to being childfree.

It's not cliche :-) yes I have actually! Prefer the thought of fostering to adoption... Maybe I should look into it

I never wanted children, no maternal instinct at all. Can honestly say I’ve never felt a moment’s broodiness. I appreciate that’s coming at childlessness from a very different starting point from yours, OP, but I’ve never regretted my choice either. I’m in my 50s and menopausal so the door has definitely closed now and it’s still fine, no regrets.

I don’t have an exciting life but neither do I have any real “is this all there is?” thoughts. Both my DH and I have some health challenges, his more significant than mine, and while it limits what we can do to an extent - so we’re certainly not jetsetting round the world in the stereotypical image of childfree bohemians 😄 - but it does confirm that I made the right call as I know that I personally would have struggled with motherhood alongside caring for my DH and coping with my own symptoms. I admire other women who can do it, with or without chronic medical conditions, but I know myself well enough to recognise I would have made a terrible mother.

Kept thinking “maybe in a couple of years”. Eventually realised that option was starting to run out and it was now or never. There was no way I wanted “now”, so defaulted to “never”. The thing is, the longer you delay, the nicer the life you build in the meantime, and the more of a sacrifice it becomes to give all that up. Especially if you’ve got a home, a reasonable income, a decent social life… why would you sacrifice all those things you know make you happy in return for an irreversible unknown that makes lots of women very unhappy indeed?