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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

who should toilet train: parent or nanny?

37 replies

uwila · 05/07/2005 21:13

I have a bit of dilemma that I thought I throw out to the mumsnet knowledge base. Nannies and employers alike are more than welcome to comment. I have a 27 month DD and a 6 week old DS. I am going back to work in mid August, whe new nanny will also arrive. The week and a half preceeding that my mum is visiting (as she lives in the states this doesn't happen often). So obviously DD is due for toilet training but I just bought the Gina Ford toilet training book and it says not to toilet train if:
-new baby has arrived in last couple of months
-there has been a change in chilcare arrangements

When lots of social activities are planned (i.e. visit from my mum)

My dilemma is that I had planned to conquer this chore whilst on maternity leave as i didn't think it would be very nice to save it for the new nanny and say right now your job... But, if I really follow Gina's list, then there is no time I could do this. Also, when my mum is here we are going away for a few days so I really don't want a half toilet trained toddler for the trip.

Shall I proceed to train anyway? Or should I solicit the nanny's help? Do you think this is part of her job? Or would it be really cheecky of me to not do this myself?

Personally, I'm inclined to think it's my job to do this. But, then again, if I'm destined to fail she'll end up doing most of the work anyway.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

foxinsocks · 06/07/2005 10:51

In terms of when they're ready, I think

they have to be able to pull their pants down(although you do a lot of it at first, they have to be physically advanced enough to do this if it's going to be a success)
they have to want to do it (want to be a 'big girl' in 'big girl's pants')

I think other than that and a general interest in the toilet you should be fine. Dd didn't tell us about wees or poos before she started but was keen and so trained in around a week.

If I was in your position, I would wait till after your mum's visit and a few weeks into the new nanny. There's no way I would potty train whilst granny was visiting from abroad (too exciting and lots of trips etc. - complete nightmare). 27 months is quite young anyway.

flashingnose · 06/07/2005 11:04

Excellent advice here - would also say, be prepared to stop trying, maybe after a week if things aren't working, and try again in a month or so - much less stressful for all concerned. And would definitely leave it until the nanny is settled with you - there's too many other things going on for your little girl before then.

sinclair · 06/07/2005 17:08

If in doubt leave it! Unless you are in a particular hurry because of a nursery place or similar. Ask nanny what she thinks once she is installed (not on the first day obviously!) and presumably she will have done it before and be more than happy to share her tips. Unless you told her otherwise, I think a nanny starting a new job with a 28/9 month year old might well expect to be involved in training. Nannies on here might have a view?

ssd · 06/07/2005 19:59

Uwila, i realise this is absolutely none of my business, so ignore me if you want.I was just thinking, your kids will be just over 2 years and 3 months old when the new nanny starts? Is that right? Only I was thinking she's got a lot to take on having that age group for 12 hours a day 5 days a week. Does your toddler go to playgroup for a few hours a day so your nanny can have a bit of a breather? I can just remember when my two were that age, I found it very isolating and completely exhausting. Does she have lots of experience with toddlers and new borns? Sorry to ask a million questions, TBH I was just a bit concerned your nanny has got a lot to take on, obviously I don't know her qualifications or experience or her!! just thinking of her.

Katemum · 06/07/2005 20:20

If this is an experienced nanny then knowing that she will be caring for a child that had not long turned two she would expect to be involved in the toilet training. It comes with the age.

RTKangaMummy · 06/07/2005 20:22

Is she experianced with toddlers?

ssd · 06/07/2005 20:34

Not just toddlers but "toddler and a newborn" together. Puts a whole new twist on things.

RTKangaMummy · 06/07/2005 20:44

Just adds to the funfunfun

hatstand · 06/07/2005 20:54

uwila - if she's ready then do it while you're still at home. GF's advice on potty training is well ott - all that hole yourself up and don't answer the phone rubbish. The presence of your mum is likely to be a help if anything - two hands are better than one.

hatstand · 06/07/2005 20:59

have just read the other threads and see I'm in the minority - I did say if she's ready. It possibly also depends on what kind of visitor your mum is - if it's going to be trips out every day then maybe not, but if she's a roll your sleeves up type it could be easier

Original poster

uwila · 07/07/2005 12:16

Oh gooness, my mum is most certainly not a roll your sleeves up girl. We'll be running around seeking non-touristy entertainment.

I have talked to nanny and we agreed to let it rest until after nanny is here and Hannah is used to her new routines. so probably Septemberish.

OP posts:

Wireart · 15/07/2005 17:33

Sorry, couldn't be bothered to read whole thread so I'm sorry if this has already been said.... If I were you, I'd get the processed started and then ask the new nanny to continue with your efforts. Only you will kno when your child is ready to be potty trained so if you think s/he is showing signs of being ready then go for it!!!

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