Am I asking too much from nursery??

[SarahScone]

Fourteen month old has just started nursery. He has done two weeks of three days a week. Crucially, he seems to be settling in, sleeping and eating fine and slowly getting more comfortable with his surroundings.
The nursery use an app to communicate with parents. It seems to be sporadically updated. He should have breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea, sleep and nappies logged. I’d say about a third of this gets logged everyday. And then there is the odd photo and update of what my child has been doing.
This is more about managing my expectations than his care because I trust that when is there, he is looked after properly.
However, (and bearing in mind he is my PFB after an arduous IVF journey), this info would help me with things like what he has for dinner at home (and how much), that i know he’s drinking enough (wet nappies) and when to put him to bed etc etc.
I pick him up at 4pm when most other parents are picking up so not much chance of a chat.

What do you think? Should it be updated more reliably or am I being fussy?

@PollyBell aren’t you a delight.

Whilst the app is handy realistically they don’t have time to fill it in and play with/entertain/educate the children. I’d say at pickup what did x have for lunch/tea? Did he nap ? As I agree it’s helpful. I think you have to trust re fluids and if he’s not pooed at home for few days you could check he is at nursery.

Ours doesnt use the app routinely, only naps and nappies but even then not always. Im pleased they don’t, i don’t want the staff on the app all day. Just offer dinner anyway, and do bedtime when he’s tired? My friends whose nursery use the app a lot just obsess over it all day, you need to learn to trust the nursery and thst they’ll tell you if there are problems. Ours do a short handover saying what they’ve eaten and naps, just ask when you pick up.

Did you have IVF?

I think you have all validated my initial thoughts. I’m the kind of mum that would love to know everything, but of course recognise that it is far more important that they engage with and care for children. Mildly frustrating that they have an app in first place if they’re not going to use it as they say they will, but I’m not dying on that hill!

Makes no difference. Having IVF doesn't mean you want a baby more, or need a better level of care for your baby.

No it doesn’t, but what it does do is give people anxiety hence why it was 1. Relevant and 2. The Op came to sanity check herself. Unlike most MN posts, she’s taken on board the plethora of advice. Unnecessary to pick holes really.

I remember being the same when mine started nursery. And other mums seemed to get more information from their nurseries.
But someone said that if they are posting on apps etc that means they aren't caring for my child... And they already have a serious amount of paperwork.
I did get a handover each day which varied but it did tell me what I needed to know.

But your wanting more information doesn't change as they grow up.

I think the app is execessive tbh. I don’t actually need to know how many wet nappies they have. And i will cook whatever i’ve got in for dinner regardless of what they have for lunch.

The app updates were especially driving me nuts when.i had 2 kids in nursery.

Sounds like he is doing great though op!

Prepare yourself for school. My eldest started reception this year and we have absolutely no idea how he’s getting on apart from the one parents evening. We order his lunches but have no idea how much he eats.

How do you think people managed before these apps were available? They are very recent and weren't even used when my grandchildren were in nursery. if the child becomes ill then you would ask.

Interestingly I felt the opposite to the OP regarding the app. I felt that a brief chat at pick up was sufficient and it irritated me that they must spend all day updating an app and I would rather the focus be 100% on the children not a tablet. It was always very obvious to me the quality of care was good and the staff could always recall what he had eaten etc.

However, (and bearing in mind he is my PFB after an arduous IVF journey)

Hmm, yeah, as opposed to other kids who can’t possibly be precious to their parents as they are not IVF. Maybe because if they got lost in a bush tomorrow their parents wouldn’t be upset at all as they could just pop out another 🤷‍♀️. Weird.

Drop your child; pick them up and ask if they have had a happy day. End of.

I find the whole communicating by apps so bizarre. I do not understand why any parent would want their nursery to use one! Parents will then expect a certain amount of updates which isn't fair on anyone. Our nursery makes a point not to do this: staff should not be on devices and should not feel pressure to upload multiple pictures and log each time their kid did something like share a toy

Agree up to a point. Apps are useful for recording children's progress. The preschool I worked at would take a couple of photos per week of each child, write a brief caption, tick off the Early Learning goals (I actually can't remember what they're called!) and share with the parent. Much less onerous than the old forms/written observations.

Pick up time isn't always a good time for chats - most places the nursery staff have to do all the cleaning and don't get paid after closing time so they're cleaning and handing the children over at the same time but they will let you know if there is any cause for concern.

I

I would much rather the staff be focusing on caring for my child and playing with them rather than worrying about having to write down every time they had a wee and uploading it onto an app.

No news is good news and if there’s an issue you’ll be told.

@Boredoflunch1 no one has suggested that their IVF baby requires a better level of care or that it was more wanted than a naturally born baby.
I am not going to bother justifying the initial statement I made because I am sure you are being deliberately contentious and know full well what was meant.

It wouldn’t really be a nightmare though - A&E would treat the allergic reaction, and OP would contact nursery the next working day to find out the menu so she is armed with that information when they meet with an allergist.

They don’t change the treatment to an emergency anaphylaxis situation dependant upon what caused the allergic reaction.

OP could also ask for the menu schedule and she’d have a running log.

I look after my grandchild one day a week. Should I have an app???

@HoppingPavlova oh for gods sake. YOU have plucked that implication from absolutely nowhere. I can only assume you have woken up on the wrong side of the bed. I’m not going to justify the statement I made because the sentiment was obvious.
Hopefully the rest of your day will be less vituperative.

OP - ignore the snipers. You've been a good egg and accepted you were BU. Now go and enjoy your baby!

I do think they should be telling you how much he ate for meals. At that age it's important to know.

DD is 7 and the nursery only introduced an app when she was in the preschool room. When she was that age we had a book/daily diary that was filled in with what she ate and how much, nappies and nap length.

They would sit and fill them in while the kids napped.

At that age that is a fairly basic level of information that I think parents should get.

I don't have an issue with you saying you had IVF, it explains possible extra anxiety.

I have a issue with posters questioning others about whether they had IVF. Why does it matter to them?

Coming from someone who is a nursery nurse working in a baby room.. we try our hardest to update as often as possible with as much detail as possible. We understand you pay ALOT of money and want to ensure our time goes mainly into the care of your child

My youngest only left nursery 10 years ago, and we just got a note at the end of the day with sleep/nappies/food. I managed to feed them in the evening just fine! We got a few photos printed out occasionally and copies of any observations. We coped fine without constant drip feeding of digital comms.

I asked the pp if they’d had IVF to ascertain their slant with saying it was irrelevant for the op to even mention it. You actually responded to me saying ‘it makes no difference. Having IVF doesn't mean you want a baby more, or need a better level of care for your baby.‘ 🤥