Experiences with younger babies in nursery please (under 9 months)

[ThisSillyFawn]

Our six-month-old has generally slept well overnight, not needing extra feeds. The main issue has been very early mornings, often around 5 AM. Settling for naps at home can also take up to 40 minutes as he often needs extra support like feeding, rocking, pick-up-put-down, etc. This has gotten worse since he’s been unswaddled and now rolling in the crib. We always try drowsy but awake where possible.

I’ve just returned to work and he’s finished 3 weeks at nursery. So far it feels like a complete disaster. His wake windows there average 4+ hours. He’s the youngest in a room of nine babies. I understand the staff need to balance everyone’s needs, but I worry they’re giving up on naps too easily. He’s only getting two very short naps, sometimes as little as 15 minutes. This leads to an overtired baby at night with multiple wakings and feeds, and early mornings are being reinforced because he’s being put down very early in the evening when he gets home. Any form of sleep training seems out of the question as I think besides being over tired and needing comfort, he also needs the calories as he’s not drinking as much formula in the setting as he would do at home.

I know it’s only been a short time, but I’m unsure what to do. I can’t see any other local nurseries having availability or being much different from the current one (which has been super well regarded by everyone I know locally, although most of the parents send their kids at one year). A few people have mentioned child minders to me, but I feel like this would be even more difficult for them (it’s not like they can disappear into a dark room with baby for nap time wind down and leave all the other children). A nanny would cost more than I’m bringing home in salary.

I’m genuinely worried that only getting around 11.5 hours of sleep a day at nursery might affect his development or temperament. He’s usually a sweet, easy-going boy, but he’s already becoming more fractious. I’ve read lots of threads reassuring parents that babies will settle into their own rhythm at nursery and that the carers have special magic, but that doesn’t seem to be happening here.

Returning to work was meant to be exciting and good for my mental health/well being but I’m surviving on 5 hours sleep a night (even with DH doing his fair share) and feel like I’m failing both at home and at work. Any advice, experiences, or reassurance from parents who’ve sent their little ones to nursery this young would be incredibly appreciated.

One of our MAIN reasons for choosing childminders was the much more flexible and easier nap situation. We used 3 different child minders and this was our experience:
Nurseries

• children are in age grouped rooms so the children within the group will be expected to need to nap about the same amount, even if the age group is developmentally quite large (12 months to 2 or 2-3 for example)
• Normally all the rooms in a nursery will be used as a regular "all the time" room by one age group of child.
• Therefore the only quiet space for a child to nap would be in his or her normal room, at the time when all his peers are napping or doing quiet time activities. This leaves little time for children to nap outside the schedule for their room.

Childminders

• Generally have to have children of a range of ages to stick to legal ratios while looking after enough children to make ends meet.
• Therefore HAVE to have the ability for babies and young toddlers to nap a lot, while older pre-schoolers or holiday school children don't nap at all.
• Working in a house, often they will have a main playroom where everyone is, but then an adjoining or other room can be used for naps with a baby monitor if needed.
• Will often be willing to organise activities around who needs to nap when, planning outings when no-one is napping. Will like to encourage naps for a younger child as it gives them time to focus on activities for the older ones.

If you want your child to be able to nap on their own schedule, a childminder looking after a few children with more space is more likely to be able to accommodate.

I'm a childminder no I don't disappear into a dark room....but even the babies who need dark room, white noise and cosleeping have settled to sleep with me in the same room as the other llittle ones. I sit with them and work on settling to sleep it generally takes a couple of weeks fully. The other children are playing quietly on a pre set activity. Each child sleeps when it's right for them.

I found the exact opposite. Childminders wouldn't accommodate different schedules at all, whereas all nurseries are happy to keep to whatever schedule the baby/child is on at home.

I'm also really surprised that a nursery wouldn't have a separate sleep room for babies.

OP, I would also work on fixing your sleep so you can have more than five hours.

What time are you home from work and when do you have to leave? Is there more opportunity for more than five hours if you do complete split shifts with DH?

Thanks everyone for the kind advice. I should mention my baby just really doesn’t want to miss out! We’ve taken him along on days out expecting him to eventually nap in the pram but he really resists. They also do take him out for pram walks at nursery, but he does a similar thing where he resists till the very end and it ends up being a short nap around 20 mins. So I imagine he’s too interested in everything going on to eat or sleep much.

Am I worrying too much about recommended wake windows and guidelines for total sleep each day? Most of what I read suggest 14 to 16 hours until nine months, 14 hours until a year, etc. even before nursery, he was on the lower end of this usually getting 13.5 hours a day with good naps and overnight sleep.

And regarding the early wakings, I don’t want to reinforce this, but if he’s only had 40 minutes of naps all day most of what I read suggest an early bedtime would be more restorative? It’s all just so confusing. I appreciate everyone who has replied.

I'm not sure that early bedtime is the cause of the early waking. I agree with you that he will need early bedtime because he's so tired from the day and lack of naps. But during my children's early waking periods, their bedtimes hadn't changed, and when we tried later bedtime to see if it would help, it didn't, and they just became crabbier from even less sleep!

National sleep foundation recommends 12-15hrs total sleep for this age. Each childs needs are different and most online resources suggest generic routines that are are for higher sleep needs. There is no evidence for wake windows either, only total sleep. Most are moving towards 2 naps, or staying on 3 for a bit longer if the naps are shorter. Generally, if they are tired enough and not dysregulated/distressed and are being given opportunity, they will fall asleep. If they aren't after 15mins I'd try again half an hour later. They wont necessarily stay asleep though, especially in a new setting. My little boy started nursery later, around 12m, but was on 2 naps whilst most of his room were having a long lunchtime nap. They did put him down mid morning and supported him to sleep, but it only got 30 mins out of him as there was too much going on. Eventually his schedule just naturally shifted to theirs. Night sleep is more restorative I think, but as long as they are getting 10-11hrs overnight and are waking happy for the day, they are likely getting enough. In your situation I'd honestly try for longer awake, to get longer naps and a later bed, if they're ready. Nursery can just go off their cues and put them down when they're really sleepy, and you can hopefully adjust around this

Yes you’re worrying too much, to put it simply! Our second has only slept for more than 12-13 hours in a day on a handful of occasions since he was born. He’s doing perfectly fine, he just doesn’t want to sleep any more. He will find his own routine at nursery and you do just have to relinquish control. Try to stick to a regular bed time and a regular get up time, but yes, if he seems really tired, you could put him to bed a bit earlier (although in my experience that has always just resulted in an earlier wake up time but others have different experience). Sleep is so up and down the first few years, and I think a lot of it we don’t fully understand. Best to not get too hung up on it. So long as you are happy with the nursery and he seems to be enjoying it, I wouldn’t worry.

Honestly there's no point worrying about it, he's either going to sleep or not and it's out of your control.
What will probably happen is over the next few months he will get into the nursery routine and sleep longer when everyone else does.

Either just maximise your own sleep where you can. Alternate nights with your DH or take a shift each (eg one of you sleeps undisturbed 8pm-2am and the other 2am-8am for example), catch up at the weekends.
Or, if you wanted to be more proactive you could try to teach your baby to self-settle so it's more practical for staff to get him to nap, and get him on the same schedule as the nursery/other babies, probably half an hour morning nap and a long after lunch nap. You can do an extra cat nap on the way home if you want him to go to bed later.

Mine went at 6mo to quite a large nursery with many “rooms” so he was in a room of 6 babies all non walking. They moved up a room once they could walk so I felt that even though he was youngest he wasn’t in with babies all that different. He also only did 9-4 three days a week. (Because he was a bottle refusing bf baby). I let him catch up on sleep on his days with me.
You don’t say in the op how many hours you’re working but I would see if you can use holiday to reduce your hours for a few more weeks.

This jist shows the importance of visiting as many different varieties and options of childcare in your area. Each one offers a different service and each family is looking for something different so keep searching to find the right fit for you and your baby. Don't be too rigid in your thinking aboit what each setting will offer and look to see how it might work for you.

That's a big generalisation in my experience not "All nurseries" do the same of anything and now a member of staff must be in the sleeping area whenever a child is sleeping I would think it's much harder as it takes a member of staff away from working with other children especially if it's one child sleeping. You then could have 3 staff one in sleep room, one changing nappy and one with all the others. Still within allowable ratio but not great for the children. In reality whatever is said they are going to want most to sleep at the same times.

Staff don't have to be constantly in the sleep room when children are sleeping.

The latest EYFS guidance 2025 says sleeping children should not be left unattended and always in the sight or hearing .....pretty hard if in a seperate room unless you have someone staring at a monitor....if working with other children that's pretty hard your going to be distracted.

It says sleeping children should be frequently checked, which isn't the same as having a member of staff in the sleeping area.