Settling in nightmare with childminder

[kateeea]

My DD is 15 months old and we started settling in with a childminder 3 weeks ago. First time went OK, we were there for 2 hours she was playing by my side and seemed happy. Before we were about to leave I popped to the loo and she had a complete meltdown, hysterically crying until I've gone back. The childminder picked her up but couldn't sooth her.
Since then she doesn't open up to the childminder, for 3 weeks we have been going twice a week and she plays while either myself or my MIL sits next to her, but doesn't go and play with the other kids or with the childminder.
Next week my MIL goes back home and we will not have help with my DD so I need to try to leave her there.. but so far the childminder couldn't even pick her up once as she just cries when she goes near her. (She's like this with strangers a lot of the times...)
What should I do? I'm scared if I leave her she will just be traumatised and not able to bond with the childminder but I have to work..
Even crossed my mind if a nursery setting would maybe be better for her?!
I'm at a loss of what to do.
Ps. The childminder is great, and trying her best she even came to our house one weekend for an hour so my DD can get used to her at her own safe space, but there wasn't any improvement after this..

Going against the grain here but we have done extended settling with my now 18 month old daughter (after 2 childminder placements fell through, long story) and it's worked very well. We did playdates like you've been doing and my daughter grew familiar with the childminder. 3 settling sessions without me there, with no tears other than when the childminder tried to get her down for a nap. But she stopped crying quickly (didn't sleep though 🤣)

We've done short days so far this week so she can at least a short nap afterwards, but next week I have to do full days.

I just want to say that you haven't necessarily done anything wrong. It can work, you've done the best you can and I think you should be kind to yourself here. Yes, you have to leave her now and she will be okay. I know how hard it is to leave them when they're upset though!

Sometimes takes a while to settle. Other options nanny based at your home? Or a nursery? Nurseries have lots of staff and changes but children are adaptable. Nanny in child’s home can be an option, but sometimes they may change jobs leaving you searching again. If childminder seems a long term option it may be worth it to keep trying

Oh this is silly. it’s not a settling session if you’re there with her every time she goes for 3 whole weeks, you’ve wasted 3 weeks of everyone’s time. Yes she will cry, no you don’t have a choice. I’ve had 3 children and had to peel each of them off me when dropping to childcare at some point in their lives. They all got over it and were usually happily playing within 5 mins of me leaving

Congratulations on the drop off. There will be relapses, but you are on the right track.

I’m sorry to say you’ve more than likely conditioned this behaviour by smothering her up to now. You can be happy this has been discovered now, rather than at the school gates.

And there’s plenty of time to improve your parenting technique such that she can play independently (including have falls, cries, etc, etc), and gains confidence with other adults.

'Smothering' 😂😂😂

As PPs have said why have you not looked at nurseries? I have just moved house and there is a childminder next door, she literally just takes them shopping then lobs them into the garden and gets her partner to watch them, not much of a great experience for them really. Maybe yours is better but I have always thought that nursery prepares them better for school.

Let’s tar all childminders with the same brush! Sounds like you have a rarity living next door as that certainly not what the majority of childminders do! Equally, there are good and bad nurseries, some of the horror stories from nurseries can be truly shocking but, again, the majority are very different. Also, childminders follow the EYFS the same as nurseries do and are inspected the same. Childminders can prepare children for school in the same way nurseries can.

How do you know what she does or that her husband isn't a registered assistant?
My Los don't go to nursery they all go straight to reception. All very confident will stand in front of 20 ISH people twice a week and request a song, eat in groups of 10, self dress, play independently, listen to stories in group settings, ask familiar adults for help....my network of childminders, attend our forset school group we run between us, recognise significant letter and their names, recognise numbers. Are able to cut, etc etc. the teachers always say childminder children are very well prepared for school more so than a private nursery.