Can you help me solve my temp childcare problem?

[ChildinHospital]

We have a child in hospital and need to be there to support 24/7 in shifts. We have two little ones at home.

Partner and I are both on leave from work. Any creative ideas on where I can source overnight care for child in hospital? Just need to be there while they sleep so we can sleep and manage the 18 hours we need to split between hospital and home.

We just did this for a month - but can’t manage and other two months just on our own.

Okay, so you contact him as it looks like you have to be home with the baby. I would then think that your DH should just stay in the hospital and you’ll be at home with the other two and visit during the day when you can, your DH can catch up on sleep throughout the day in the hospital if needed or during quiet periods. Or you can relieve him for a few hours to go home and have a shower or a nap do you have any family nearby? You can take the children for a couple of hours while you do that? Or maybe that’s the time you get the babysitter for a four hour period every few days so that you can spend time with your DC in the hospital and DH can go home and get a solid rest. It’s gonna be hard on him and you being on your own at home.

There are only three available people in our area on childcare - and they’re in home childminders. But thank you 🙏🏼

@TicTac80 - not being overtly medical in the general post - but our daughter has a condition that means she needs close management of nappies. That’s not a nursing task. And she is in a side room - so if there is an occlusion, something off with SATs someone needs to get attention of nursing staff - not actually do the work of a nurse but rather have the nurses do that piece of work and look after her otherwise.

As many have said - perhaps Dad has to do most or we find care for kids at home. Nothing presenting easily on childcare but I’m sure there are other boards / places to look. I feel like I want to be here as much as possible during wake periods as she needs reassurance and encouragement and most of all love. So between a rock and a hard place but it won’t be forever and we will find a way to navigate.

@ChildinHospital ah that makes sense now. Definitely worth asking the Ward Manager/Matron if there is anything that can be done (or if you could pay for someone to sit in and do this).

FWIW, recently we had a patient on ward whose main carer was the Mum. She would sleep in room with patient, but did need to go home at times. Patient had a trachy, a feeding tube (Mum was trained to use both as patient lived with Mum) and needed all care (patient unable to do anything for themselves). I was due to do a late shift but was called in to start earlier so that I could spend morning sitting with patient so that Mum could go home, have a half day break etc. It was a lovely few hours for me....lovely to sit with a patient, chat to them and get to know them properly. Ward couldn't do this everyday, but was able to do it every so often to try and help the Mum have a break.

For childcare at home, that is a tricky one. I have used the Sitters website before when I've been in a fix (when my two DC were younger). I hope that a good solution presents itself quickly to you guys. Sending best wishes x

I’d ask for recommendations on your local Facebook page

I am presuming there is no family or friends?
I think that you’d definitely be better trying to find help with the other children at home rather than the one in hospital. Looking after someone else’s child in that scenario is a huge responsibility that very few childcare providers would be comfortable doing. I’d be looking for a way to free you up more/give you more sleep so you can be at the hospital.

I agree with this but only to a point. I think it’s a fine and reasonable policy to make this distinction for a child who has a transient illness but it sounds like your child has care needs that are ongoing AND a medical issue. The two are surely linked? In which case the line between personal care and nursing care is blurred. An adult parent with toileting needs would receive that as nursing care. I think PALS and chaplain. You sound wrung out, and you deserve some support.

@TicTac80 - we’ve asked the team here - and they have some thoughts on people who could do it. A nurse who traveled and is back waiting on a job starting and a healthcare assistant who does bank. So that’s hopeful. They’d be used to the environment and team and could also do additional cares such as bed bathing etc.

And thanks for the rec on sitters. I’ll take a proper look. I guess knowing a healthcare person with registration was at least a safeguard and others will be present when they are.

@Peekingovertheparapet - regardless parents or guardians need to be with children 24/7. And we manage her care needs - and to keep her stable we’d rather we paid for 1 to 1 care rather than rely on staff. Ward can get busy so nappy not a priority but very impactful for our daughter due to her condition for example.

It has been tough going which is why I want to get other care set up to cope over longer term. We’ve been through worse and will get through.

That seems like a reasonable ask OP? If you could ask team on ward for some respite as a one off at least? It all sounds so hard for you

It's definitely a good idea to have a look at what long term care options are available. I'm not sure how that would work in paeds (like I said, I work with adults on an acute ward). Again though, something that would be worth flagging up with the teams at the hospital as they should be able to sign post you.

The patients I work with are adults but were obvs kids once. And some of the more complex patients I've looked after are quite young (not long since they came up to adult wards/care from paeds) and have established carers with them at home etc. I do love working with these patients and their carers/families. Again, a fab way to get know everyone, form good relationships and make absolutely certain that the patients' needs are met. It also means that the parents are able to work, have some respite, care for siblings etc.

That's tough on parents.
What if you were a single parent with other kids ?
Surely that's not possible for everyone?

Also ask your local university, if there's a children's nursing cohort ? Student nurses may help for extra money ?

@notatinydancer - there was a single mother with her son here for 4 months. They lived here and her other daughter lived with family for that time. She FaceTimed a lot but that was it, so so hard. Other parents with weaned children living further from home often have the mother living here all week with relief at the weekend. It’s really tough.

Some new babies needing surgery / support have family with social issues and are left on the ward alone a lot of the time. It’s very heartbreaking.

I will have to re-try student Childrens nurses too. We used them in the past but they’ve all graduated. Thank you.

I am a paediatric nurse on a hospital ward. Nappy changing, feeding and soothing absolutely are nursing tasks, especially if the nappy changing is critical for your child’s medical condition. If your child’s condition requires 1:1 care overnight, it’s perfectly reasonable that you can’t do that every night because you have other children and jobs and need to sleep. When we have patients on my ward who need 1:1 care for their safety, we have to have an extra member of staff on the shift to provide that, or have less staff for the other patients. A paid carer from outside the hospital may not be accepted due to insurance etc, we have some patients who have overnight carers at home who are able to be with them in the hospital but not always and it usually takes a bit of time to sort out. You need to speak to the ward manager about how your child’s needs can be met while you are not able to be there. Be clear that you cannot stay overnight but your child needs X, Y and Z and ask how they will ensure that is done. If that doesn’t resolve the issue, try PALS and see if someone can liaise with the ward and advocate for you.

Sorry to hear about your daughter @ChildinHospital

I have done kinda similar. I’m a maternity nurse and have stayed at hospital looking after a baby who was ng fed and on tiny amounts so fed every 2hrs

mum had an older child and was worn out

what area are you in ?

im on a group of maternity nurses and may be someone who can help locally

I would say message me but you can’t at the moment 🥲

but you can get me via email. My name on here 73 at gmail.com

or contact nanny agencies local to you and they may have temp nannies / or mn or are free

childcare app widen the mileage search. I often drive 30/40m for work tho love the local jobs that are 5m away as well

so May be someone less local happy to drive

how many nights - hours and for how long do you think ?

💐💐 for you

If the hospital will allow I agree about looking for a maternity nurse (ideally with special needs experience). You can try any big nanny agency, or smaller local agency, and they should have some on their books.