Is it wrong to look after two children whilst on maternity leave?

[ByPeachPombear]

Is it wrong to look after two children whilst on maternity leave?

I have a two and a half year old toddler and am soon to give birth to a further child. The two year old is currently in nursery two days a week. I currently work full time in a professional job and when the toddler is not in nursery I get help from my mother whilst I work from home.

When I give birth I will take a pretty long period of maternity leave. In this period I am expecting to both care for the new born baby and take more care of the toddler myself at home, without the current extensive help from my mother - to give my mother more time to herself.

I am now having certain members of my family tell me it wrong to care for two children at once, that maternity leave is for the care of the newborn and for post birth recovery - not for the care of the other child. They are saying that I should actually be increasing the days of nursery for the toddler - at some considerable extra expense to me.

I find this hard to reconcile with my view that there will be many mothers of multiple children who need to look after a newborn as well as their other younger children in the post-birth period, with no nursery and no problem - so why can't I? On my maternity leave I will essentially be in the same boat - with the added benefit of my toddler attending nursery two days a week.

I am being made to feel guilty for not increasing the days of nursery.

So - is it true that it is wrong to look after two children whilst on maternity leave?

If your relatives think that you need more help to look after two children in this scenario, they are the ones who should be volunteering to come and help out!

They’re talking absolute nonsense! If anything I’d expect judgement for having the older kid in nursery.

Having said that, two days a week of preschool for my older one was the only way I cope with a newborn. He loved it too, much more exciting than home with a baby!

Let the barking mad relatives pay for it!!!

I've never in my life heard such rubbish. Of course that's not what maternity leave is for.

On a more serious note, just watching yourself with these family members who are saying this.

I can't believe that they think this is true if they have any life experience whatsoever so I would have to wonder why they are saying such things to you.

It is a worry you can't work this out for yourself, just because people say something does not make it true

Totally normal and fine. Although if you want to keep her in nursery that’s fine too - particularly at the start if you are recovering, tired or overwhelmed.

This is one of the most bizarre things I've ever heard. OP they sound very very odd

They're daft.

However, if you're not home full time with a toddler right now, you might not find it easy even if there wasn't a baby added to the mix.

For a toddler, having a baby around means they're not the centre of attention and all of a sudden can't charge around/play maracas at all times of day. It's a hard adjustment for them and your toddler would really miss the community, structure and toddler-centred world of nursery. I'd keep him/her in nursery for the days he/she currently goes. You can always reduce it.

Your op reads weirdly about what's good for your mother, what's good financially but not what you want or what's best for your toddler and baby. It doesn't have to be the most logical arrangement, it just has to work for your family.

Hahahaha.
Look after both your children you lazy cow.

And I would definitely not make ending nursery and baby arriving happen too close together if you do decide to do that - toddler will feel a sense of loss and may blame the baby for it.

My 3yo had to suddenly stop nursery due to pandemic, it was very hard and sad for her and she sang nursery songs and talked about the people she knew there for ages. It can really knock their confidence to remove them.

I was wondering about this too. Perhaps the OP knows nobody who has had children recently, or is perhaps quite shielded in life. Who knows.

Obviously not wrong. I think your relatives have got it wrong & I question their motives. It's none of their business. You are also allowed to change your mind about any of it at any point.

One of the joys of my maternity leave is spending more time with my three year old
He’s in nursery 2 days, to maintain that out of the home socialising and give me a breather but we have a good time together

Who are these idiots saying that.

Excuse me what? They are both your children. You are their mum. You are entitled to maternity leave. The posts on this site just get even more mental. I'm actually quite scared for the future of women and children tbh.

I look after my grandchildren. When DD went on mat leave for DGC2, DGC1 continued his 2 days in nursery and I continued looking after him at their home on 1 day. In reality, I did more with the baby to give their mum more time to spend with DGC1 and take him to his toddler group.
Keeping his routine was important - he loved nursery, loved spending time with granny and loved time with his mum.
OP, if you can afford it, keep him in nursery for his usual days, ask your DM to come over to help you out on a day when he isn’t in nursery. That way, you’ll have the best of both worlds.

Very normal to care for your own dc. I thought this thread would be about being paid to look after others' dc in addition to your own,

I was a sahm with no maternity leave; just life. Maybe I should have put the older one up for adoption 😂