Did you take your elder child out of nursery when going on 2nd mat leave?

[ohmysense]

My eldest is a toddler and at the moment he is at a private nursery full time. We're expecting a second child in a few months. I plan to take about 6 months maternity leave.
I am thinking of possibly moving my son to half days instead of full days at the nursery but my husband thinks it will be a struggle for me to cope with an infant and a toddler being alone at home (we don't have any family support, husband will be working full time outside of the house).
What was your experience of navigating being parents of two?..

No. My eldest child went into nursery every morning (my husband took him in and picked him up at after lunch). This was a good mix.

I thought I might but I didn't in the end, my eldest was 2.5 when her brother was born and to be quite frank she would have been bored at home with me and a newborn. She went part time and the mix was good for everyone, she had her messy play and friends at nursery (which I could not do for her at home) and her brother and I got some quiet time in.

Think you have some skewed responses here as I wasn't in the minority having multiple children home during mat leave. I actually felt those with school age children had it harder as they had to be up early every day regardless of weather or sleep and go out! And then deal with homework/clubs etc!

I think if your toddler is at home then the day must fit as much as possible around their needs. This is manageable with a half day. Not so much with a whole one.

God no. She’s about to have her world turned upside down, I didn’t want to keep her in so that she can spend time looking at mummy fussing over the baby all day and get jealous. I wanted her to keep her routine. After three months I dropped her from doing 5 days to 3 days

Hell no we budgeted hard to keep him in the three days he was already doing

My eldest was 3 and getting the 15 hours funded hours then, we reduced him from 4 days to 2 full days a week when I went on maternity, we must have paid for the wraparound elements of that.

It enabled some normality for him during a big period of change, meant he was entertained and socialised on those 2 days and enabled me to have some time with DS2.

And yes it was cost that prohibited more days than that

No, mine did 3 short days and she was 3 when DC2 was born so was at the age that she really benefited from the social aspect and to prepare for school. I liked having those days with DC2 to do all the nice baby groups and classes, and have a proper bonding time.

Wouldn't consider it.

It's doing him the world of good and I know I'll need time alone with baby or to sleep when baby sleeps.

We kept his pattern the same - 3 days - but I think a big factor is that DS1 loved loved loved nursery. He would have resented it massively if we had taken him out.

DS2 has never liked being away from me - he has varied between hating going to nursery to being a bit ok with it, he has never skipped through the door. I think if he has been our first, I might well have just pulled him out for mat leave, I would have found it hard dropping him off crying if I was home that day

Baby is due in April and we are having this same debate. DD1 will be 2yrs 9months when baby is born and she's currently in nursery 5 days. I think (although conscious i might still change my mind) that im going to keep her doing the same to start with so her routine is the same. Helps that she loves nursery. Also to give me chance to get bf established (hopefully) and through the very early days with the next baby. It would be nice that baby has some 1to1 time with me just as DD1 did.

I might reassess but also very aware that if i end up going back to FT after mat leave, i dont want to lose her FT place. Luckily her funded hours will kick in just as my enhanced mat pay ends so we will at least benefit that way.

I took my eldest out of her daycare nursery when I went on maternity leave with DD2. It was in central London and we had moved out into Essex.

I knew that I was unlikely to go back to the same job due to childcare costs for two which would eat up more money than I could bring in. I got her into a local preschool though for three mornings a week where she would have fun and come to know plenty of the children that she would be starting school with just over a year later. I thought that seemed more beneficial at that stage, especially as neither DH nor I would any longer be conveniently near to the nursery.

I was incredibly fortunate in that I was living overseas and could afford a part-time nanny so with DS in nursery in the mornings I got one-on-one time with DD, and then the nanny would take DD out for a couple of hours three days a week so I'd get one-on-one time with DS. Time with both of them was pure survival until DD was about 1.5, I think, which was when it got (slightly) fun (sometimes). I would say if there is any way that you can give your first child some time alone with you, that's a really great thing to do. But it's a lot easier said than done! And I don't necessarily think having to fit in with a newborn's needs with a tired, frazzled mother is that enriching for a kid, especially if they're happy at nursery and you can afford it! Maybe it teaches them life skills... but it's hard.

No, my older child goes 2.5 days per week so continued with this when I was on mat leave. It gave me 1:1 time with baby which the eldest got when they were a baby and my eldest loves going to nursery/ seeing her friends and it’s some normality. So I wouldn’t pull them out.

If they were going 5 days I would definitely of reduced it probably to 2 or 3 days rather than half days as I think it feels like more of a break when they are there all day (also nursery is near my work not where we live so wouldn’t of been worth it with the journey). It depends if they can keep your DCs full time place though for when you go back to work.

I thought I would have to take DD out of nursery when my mat pay dropped to SMP at approx 4 months after DS was born. Turned out my employer continued to fund childcare vouchers so I didn’t have to. It was the best thing ever. DD was 2.5 and massively resented her little brother, kept biting his head, and loved the stimulation of nursery. She stayed in nursery 3 days a week and those days were so calm in comparison to the other 4!

Thanks everyone, lots of good perspectives here! It’s reassuring to hear we are not completely selfish in considering keeping him in the nursery despite me being at home for a few months. I will think about dropping one full day instead of going for half days.

Actually tooextra makes a good point - your employer may fund some of your childcare even after you drop to SMP.

It really depends on what works for your family. Since you are only off 6 month it makes sense to keep the space.

For balance, you can have him with you some of the days.

I also didn't have family support, but I believe the length of break is more important to consider. As a previous poster said, it would make sense to stop him going only if you took a longer career break. I did that which worked well for us. My eldest never went back to her original nursery, she started at a preschool only type place at 3 so wasn't any need to keep her place.

@drspouse I work for the NHS so I doubt it unfortunately

No. I think I reduced his days a bit though.

he enjoyed it and it gave me and dc2 some one and one time. And I was just mostly quite knackered.

Do they have an on site nursery and you get to pay via salary sacrifice? That's what we did.

I’m about to have my second and we are keeping my son’s nursery place (5 shorter days)

He would be bored at home with me, and he absolutely loves nursery. It’s also doing wonders for his development. We also likely wouldn’t get the space back.

I am also having a c section so I want to do what is best for my recovery. Plus I was in lockdown for most of my mat leave last time so I also still have no experience of taking a tiny baby out, let alone 2 kids by myself.

I did not.