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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Help me to get my Mother's Help back on track, or to dismiss her without confrontation

44 replies

clumsymum · 10/03/2008 11:46

Some of you will have seen my thread here, where my MH disappointed me.

There have been a few other incidents that suggest to me that she's not bothering about doing the job properly, (see my last postings on the thread), and I suspect she's a bit fed-up of the job.

We do chat, and I thought we had a good relationship, but I do feel very let down by last weeks performance.

So tonight I have got to get to the nub of this, and decide with her wether she can do better, or if it's time to move on. I don't want her doing school holiday days with a 'can't be bothered' attitude.

I know she likes babies & toddlers, and ds is 8, I think that might be at the root of the problem.

How do I start this conversation?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

soapbox · 11/03/2008 10:45

She sounds hopeless - why on earth is she running her personal errands whilst being paid by you? Surely she had the rest of the day to get her car taxed!

I also would not be at all happy about someone else in her family caring for your DS, instead of her!

lullabyloo · 11/03/2008 10:46

getting someone you have never met to pick ds up ...I would be really upset.

Original poster

clumsymum · 11/03/2008 10:53

She was with her partner when they collected ds, but I've never met him, and they didn't have a car seat in the partners car (altho' I think ds is now above the height limit to need one, it's not quite the point)

One issue abgout her doing her own errands is that she has another job, but which is flexible time-wise, so she fits it around her job here.

OP posts:

RahRahRachel · 11/03/2008 11:22

I would be really unhappy with the whole situation if I were you - you should have a meeting to go through exactly what you expect of her asap.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 11/03/2008 12:10

I thought children had to be in a high backed booster until 12?

I would write down all the points that aren't making you happy and refer to the contract for what she should be doing.

Make it clear she is not to run personal errands without your knowledge and agreement before hand.

She sounds awful tbh and I do think she needs replacing.

Maybe she is hoping you will get rid so she can sue for notice rather than quit herself???

Original poster

clumsymum · 11/03/2008 12:12

I've checked, children need a booster seat until 135cm or age 12, whichever comes first. DS is a big boy.

OP posts:

bossykate · 11/03/2008 12:14

clumsymum, she's shite. get rid.

LynetteScavo · 11/03/2008 12:25

Personally, I would be looking for someone else. Does your DS actually like her?

stealthsquiggle · 11/03/2008 12:53

Definitely get rid. Give her notice if you have to. Pay her for the notice and get rid straight away if you have to. She is acting, IMO, like someone who is doing you a favour by looking after DS - but you are paying her!!!

MrsRecycle · 11/03/2008 13:50

Your MH sounds reminds me of two Nannies that I had that I sacked. The first one used to go everywhere (sign on at dole office/shopping/mums) except for my home which is where I wanted her. She even had a car crash with dd2 in it and didn't tell me. It was only after sacking her that I found out from dd1 (then aged 3) that she used to sit in the car for hours whilst Nanny went somewhere.

Next Nanny left dd2 (12 months) for hours on end in her cot and did no interaction with her whatsoever. Upon sacking her, I found out from a workman that Nanny had screamed down the phone at him saying she couldn't cope with the stress. I was as dd2 was not a good baby (constantly crying) and my heart broke thinking about what could have happened in the month Nanny was with us. I then got a serious of really nasty texts from her calling me a "b*tch" - she even had a go at a Nanny Agency.

Since then I've always trusted my instinct - your ds may be covering for her and once your let her go, a can of worms may be opened.

lisalisa · 11/03/2008 13:53

Message withdrawn

bossykate · 11/03/2008 13:58

lisalisa, i can't believe that was a serious suggestion? of course we can't have a page "naming and shaming" rubbish nannies! were you serious?

MrsRecycle · 11/03/2008 14:03

She certainly named and shamed herself on nannyjob - I had no need to do it!

I agree about the libel laws but we could set up a email group - how about that? I don't mind adminstering it - my email address is Mrs_Recycle at yahoo dot co uk. Feel free to email me (and anyone else).

How is your ds after your Nanny's departure? It is amazing how resiliant they are isn't it (and seem to remember just the good ones)?

Original poster

clumsymum · 11/03/2008 14:13

OOOOOH no no no.

You can't go about 'naming and shaming', simply because while YOU might not use it just to talk down someone they didn't get on with, eventually someone would.

Not a good idea AT ALL.

OP posts:

micrathena · 11/03/2008 20:48

I think Lisalisa was just saying "wouldn't it be grand if we could. Don't you agree?" I don't hink she was seriously suggesting we do this. She's a lawyer after all.

lisalisa · 12/03/2008 08:52

Message withdrawn

BecauseImWorthIt · 12/03/2008 09:10

I think the key thing here, clumsymum, is if you have a contract with her - can you refer back to that and point where she isn't performing as outlined in that contract?

Also, you need to be careful about disciplining her over things that you have now decided that you don't like as opposed to things that aren't set out in the contract.

I'm with you in that I think she shouldn't be running her personal life at the expense of your child's care, but if you haven't stated that she can't do that in the contract then it's a bit more difficult to handle.

It doesn't mean you can't raise the issue, obviously, but you will have to phrase it carefully. I would also suggest that you have a think about any other things that you don't (or do!) want her to do and use the opportunity to work out an agreement that suits you and that she is happy to abide by.

(Always assuming that she doesn't really want to swan off to her wealthier employers, of course!)

bozza · 12/03/2008 09:17

I think that there should be a bit of give and take re running errands. I wouldn't mind my childminder calling in at the post office and buying stamps en route home from school, for example. But what your MH did sounds too much, especially since the car tax should have been purchased weeks ago - presumably by the end of Feb.

Original poster

clumsymum · 12/03/2008 15:28

Bozza, I don't mind at all the occasional errand, I know we all have busy lives, and it's a struggle to fit it all in.

But I would like to be asked if it's ok. any other Monday it wouldn't have been much of a problem, but this week ds was already tired, and needed to be at home. By the time he got home he was mardy and argumentative, not able to do his homework, and because she'd given him a sandwich, he didn't eat his tea properly (altho I'm grateful she thought to give him something).

One reason I have this arrangement with her is so that I don't have to collect ds from school then trail him round the s/market or whatever, which I think is miserable for both parties after a work/school day, but this was as bad.

OP posts:

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