Child care setting with a newborn

[Ada117]

Hello,
I am a bit confused on what to do for childcare options when our second newborn arrives in September.

As both me and husband work full time our our daughter (4years in September) she goes to the childminder 2x a week (mon-tues) and 3 days at the nursery (wed-fri).

I will soon go on maternity leave from August for low risk pregnancy and we were thinking to keep the current childcare settings. However we’re not sure about September: I am considering to cancel contract with childminder and am only send my daughter to nursery 3days a week. My husband, on the other side, thinks that it’s better to keep the current childcare setting (childminder and nursery to cover the full week of 5days) as he thinks it will not be easy to manage a toddler of 4y old at home and a new born alone.

If anyone of you was in a similar situation with 2 children, can you please advise if I should consider my husband option to keep our eldest on a 5 days childcare setting and if so, for how long would you recommend? I am conscious t that it’s difficult to keep the eldest entertained while I am recovering at home, exhausted, lack of sleep etc, but maybe I am too optimistic to think that when 2nd baby will be ~2 months old I should be able to manage both of them at home alone?

Childcare costs are exorbitant and It means using our savings. But as our families live abroad we can’t rely much on their help and I struggled a bit with 1st baby during Covid, anxiety etc.

Thank you 🙂

My DS attends nursery for three days a week and we will continue this throughout my maternity leave. I do think I deserve a ‘break’ (ha!) and like you I don’t have any family to help. I will be honest, I don’t think I would keep him in for five days if I had worked FT beforehand though. But that’s not to say you are wrong to do so either - I think in your shoes I’d keep things as they are for the first six to eight weeks as they do tend to be a killer and then review?

Do you not like spending time with your eldest? I can’t see why you would keep them in childcare for 5 days a week when you’re on maternity otherwise. Unless you have a reason why you can’t cope with looking after 2 children. 3 days in childcare to allow you quality time with the baby and 2 at home to do fun stuff together is a good balance.

My biggest consideration would be whether you'd need the childminder again for the two days when you go back to work. Childminder places are like hens teeth here and I'd be weighing up the risk of taking the 4 year old vs will there be a place somewhere when you (if you?) go back to work. I had a great childminder and there's no way I'd risk losing that place.

It's nice for the elder child to keep a bit of consistency. It's also worth considering that ending your contracts with providers means you have to find new ones when you go back after Mat Leave.

I think a mixture would be nice. I had a simialr age gap but eldest was at school which was great as i got to do baby classes/walks with pushchair/coffee shops with friends etc in peace and quiet with just the baby, then had afternokns with both of them

What about doing five morning sessions at her existing nursery, or moving her to a preschool/school nursery? The 15 hrs free childcare should cover most of that, she will get all the benefits of being in nursery plus time with you, and you will have a few hours each day with just the baby.

@Fairydustandsparklylights that is very cruelly worded.

I am having a planned section and my worry is that DS will want to be picked up and I won’t be able to physically manage this. I am also a bit worried about being stuck in the house with a restless toddler and newborn, especially after two hours sleep or whatever!

Sometimes these things can seem more daunting than they are and I know this; I’m sure the OP does too. I know however I want continuity and reassurance for DS and part of that does come from the familiarity of nursery and routines there.

Oh and food - I did not mention the main selling point of nursery days is not having to prepare or clear up meals!

Personally, moving a child from a setting they are happy just when a new baby arrives would not be for me.

Why not keep things as they are with childcare to start off with and see how things go? It might be nice to know that your older child is being well cared for during those early weeks with a newborn, but if things settle down and you feel like you'd like to have them both with you then you can reduce the amount of childcare? It doesn't have to be a one-time decision.

I reduced my eldest daughters nursery days when her sister was born so she was there for 3 days and home with the baby and I on the other 2 days. It was a nice balance. The days that I had them both at home were very hard at first but my eldest daughter was already feeling a bit pushed out with the new baby so I think she really needed that extra time with us to feel included. Hope it goes well!

Will you need the childminder after mat leave? If yes then I’d carry on as you are. Don’t lose a good childminder if you’ll need them again.

If you have different plans for when you go back to work e.g. daughter will be at school who do wraparound and new baby can get the days you need at nursery then I’d definitely ditch the childminder. 3 days a week at nursery and 2 at home with you and baby will be perfectly manageable and actually a really nice balance. 4YOs are also far more manageable and reasonable than toddlers- you can just about reason with them, they can play by themselves for decent stretches, they don’t need help with the toilet or carrying around etc etc. I also don’t think that a childminder offers the same benefits as nursery in terms of peer interaction and school readiness so wouldn’t personally see any value in it beyond childcare.

Thank you for your reply. I think you have misunderstood my query (I am an expat and English is my 4th language) or maybe you just fall into assumptions not knowing my history, my current life, challenges :) and yes: I love to spend time with my daughter and the query was about when baby is 1 day old until baby is 2 months old: what would you advise, considering being without support (no family or trusted people around) and husband with only 2 weeks of paternity leave?

Thank you for your reply. I think you have misunderstood my query (I am an expat and English is my 4th language) or maybe you just fall into assumptions not knowing my history, my current life, challenges :) and yes: I love to spend time with my daughter and the query was about when baby is 1 day old until baby is 2 months old: what would you advise, considering being without support (no family or trusted people around) and husband with only 2 weeks of paternity leave?
Please no judgement and kindly reply if you were in same situation, thanks

Thank you, I totally agree with you! We know the childminder since our 1st daughter was 11 months old for partine. She is great and she does school runs in case I will go back to work full time. Plus where we live she gets a lot of requests but at the same time it will be very expensive to keep her there and I would love to have my eledest with me so she can bond with baby. My concern is only about those initial 2-3 months after baby arrives :)

@TropicalTrama doesn't that depend on the individual childminder?

My childminder is working at getting my DD school ready like her nursery.

We left our 2yo in nursery 5 days a week while I was on maternity leave with our second. It worked well for us. Eldest always loved nursery and it gave me time to spend with the baby (plus it was during covid so I would have gone out of my mind trying to keep the two of them occupied with limited options).

Presumably you'll need to keep the place and so you'll be paying for it anyway. In which case I'd plan to use it and then if you decide you want her home you can do so. If you tell her now that she'll be at home but then when the time comes you're struggling it'll be hard on her to send her in and feel like she's being sent away.

Basically, keep the spot, decide to whether to use it day by day.

We kept my then 3 year old in full time nursery. I only took 5 months maternity leave and we would have lost his nursery place (which are v hard to get) so didnt really have a choice, but it was lovely being able to go to baby groups etc plus second was a tricky baby so think I'd have lost the plot if I'd had a toddler to look after too!

I have a nearly 3 year old and a baby. DS is in nursery 3 days per week. It's a nice balance.

That’s not a comment on individual childminders, just on the type of setting it is. Obviously they follow the same early years curriculum and should be doing all the same practical stuff e.g. independent toileting but 4-5 children including younger ones plus going to a few groups is never going to offer the same level of peer interaction as a full pre-school or nursery class of 3-4 year olds. So if like OP I didn’t need the childcare this year and was thinking about dropping a setting I would hands down keep the nursery and ditch the childminder.

Wanting to keep the childminder because you’ll need her next year is something else entirely though. Childminders are great especially for younger kids and wrap around care so I wouldn’t let a good one go!

I found that having the older one go to nursery was a godsend in the first couple of months. Couldn't drive due to c section and baby wanted to cluster feed. The days when it was just me and the kids all day were rather dull for the older one. Things got much better after 2 months. Can you keep the situation for now and see how things are when the baby arrives?

Thank you so much for giving me your point of view. Very useful! Yes, I don’t need to make a decision right now :)

You can easily manage two children.
Where do you want baby to be when you return to work and your eldest is at school?
What will you do the 14 weeks school is closed?
If you dump your cm now you might lose the care for holidays and wrap around care.
Don't you get 30 hours funding for your eldest?

I kept my then 3yo in nursery when the baby arrived. 3yo was happy, I was exhausted.

If it were me I would keep the childminder going but cancel nursery, you won't be able to use the nursery for her when she starts school so you don't need to keep a link with them, but you may well want the childminder. I think that would give a nice mix for everyone too.

We took our first daughter out of nursery when we had number two (partly cost and partly because she was catching more nursery germs than ever!) and looking back it probably was pretty boring for her to begin with, being at home full time.

Isn’t your 4 year old in school yet or atleast the free 15 hours nursery?
mine went to the free nursery hours which were 3 days a week or every morning. I think at 4 it’s good for them to go, but perhaps full time if you’re home is a bit much. You need to get the balance right so that your 4 year old gets to bond with its sibling but doesn’t feel resentful or jealous.