Childcare when partner does shift work

[curlyrebel]

If you and/or your partner does shift work and has an irregular pattern eg 2 on, 2 off, how do you manage this with your children and school?

Currently I work full time 9-5.30 and DH works nights - usually 2 or 3 nights on, 2 or 1 off. It works really well in terms of picking the kids up from school as he's awake and home to do that every day. Drop offs if he's working the night before I do and this is fine if I'm WFH. But if I'm going to the office I get there after 9am and usually have a shorter lunch or something.

I'm starting a new job soon and am thinking about putting the kids in breakfast club as I may have early meetings. But we won't be able to afford them in breakfast club every day. So should we just choose random days and it may or may not coincide with his shifts? Tricky one.

What do other people do in similar situations?

can you not sit down with his rota for the
month and plan when you’ll need childcare?

Breakfast club won't let you pick random days.

Do you have to book in advance? Our DDs school children can be dropped off when ever, no booking required. After school is different as it’s at a different school so you need to book so they know who they are picking up, but no more than a day of 2 in advance.

Sorry to be clear no booking for breakfast club*

We can book breakfast club a few days in advance, as and when needed on whatever random day we need.

Can you do that?.

Some will. Depends on the school. We can book random days with 24 hours notice

I don't think we can pick random days. The registration form asks for which days we need it for. Also one of the days is near capacity. I could speak to them and see though

Maybe they will make some allowances.

What time is dh in after a night shift

Can he take to school then go to bed ?

I book the days we need in half term blocks. It seems to only be Tuesdays that gets close to capacity at our school

@Blondeshavemorefun no he comes in at 7am and is pretty tired then. Having to get the kids dressed and out of the house on time would be too much for him. It is for me as it is lol.

I checked with the school and it's fixed days. I think I will wait till I start my new job and see how it goes. Summer holidays are coming up soon anyway.

Thanks for the suggestions

Have you looked at tax free childcare payments that will save you 20%

I used a childminder just had to book 4 weeks in advance.
In school holidays used a 730am-6pm holiday club set up specifically for working parents but again had to book in advance and pay if things changed.

I work nights and I'm in around 730am

I get dd ready if in bed or dh does if awake early

I take her to school then go to bed 9am and set alarm for 230 incase I'm not awake

Yes it's tiring but means no childcare costs

That's what a lot of night shifts do. Use it like their evening then sleep 9.30 to 4

I'm a nurse and everyone I know who works nights do what pp have said, get kids ready, do the school run and then go to bed. Most I know tend to sleep between about 9.30 and 2.30 and then collect the children. That should be manageable 2-3 times a week?

Yep totally. It's not like people who work days only do their work and come straight home to bed get up and go straight to work so why should a man not be capable

Nurse here. I do three long days, but have two days/week I can't be rota'd onto (nor the night shift before it). DH has compressed hours so he can have a day off in the week. That way we only need two days of childcare (one in pre-school room for a full day and DTs in the baby room). Any more than that and it really wouldn't be financially doable (nursery fees already are more than DH's wages).

no he comes in at 7am and is pretty tired then. Having to get the kids dressed and out of the house on time would be too much for him. It is for me as it is

He needs to man up & participate in fanily life & stop being selfish. Pretty much all my colleagues with children stay up to do or help with the school run. He might be tired, but he'll live. I cant believe he's expecting you to deal with the morning chaos so he can go to bed.

As pp said people who work conventional hours don't go to bed the second they come in the door

My DH works shifts pattern e.g 4 on 4 off, I work weekdays and so all childcare is around my job.

Our before/after school club doesn't allow us to mix days and so we have to work around me...which can be annoying when DH is at home and we are paying for childcare we don't need, however it is something we have had to suck up, and we still us it of DH is off, the kids like going and might as well if paid for!

We use the tax free childcare so our bill is reduced by 20%, and we are lucky that the childcare is based at school and run by school staff....but it still stings that some weeks we are paying for days we don't necessarily need.

Excatly

Us mums manage it so this dad should I be able to

Yes I would love to go to bed 730 and very rare I do , but if dh isn't going in till later then he will take dd to school

But as it is, he usually gets her up /breakie and I do teeth hair and walk her to school and then bed 9am

I don't see why he can't help do the mornings after a night shift?
Most people who get home by 5/6pm manage to do 3 hours worth of childcare then chores on top? He's not even going to be doing this 5 days a week, some days could fall on a weekend and others on a day you don't have an early meeting?
Could he looks to request set shifts or a more family friendly work pattern?

It wouldn’t work for me 🤷‍♀️. As an exception I could do it, but after a night I’m hanging and need to get to bed.

it’s not the same as a day worker. Usually the first night I will have been up for 24 hours. Then between shifts 4-5 hours is simply not enough before going back in.

how we work it is dh has the choice of drop off or pick up. Usually he prefers to drop off and be a little late, then he can stay if he needs. I get to bed at 7.30 and sleep until 3 for pick up at 3.30.

if he needs to be in I will drop off, but then he picks up so I can sleep longer.

it’s only 3 days out of every 10 I can’t do the drop off anyway.

it’s not the same as a day worker. Usually the first night I will have been up for 24 hours. Then between shifts 4-5 hours is simply not enough before going back in

Oh I know I've worked shifts for over 20 years

Night shift tired is a different level of tired & you've got a system that works but if you didn't would you really leave your husband to tie himself in knots the way the OP is. You'd be more likely to do what most night shift workers do & push through & do what's needed

I don't know how some of my colleagues cope with the sleep they get (or don't get)

I'm not sure how you can make that judgement when you don't know my DH or our lives at all. DH does plenty in our family including picking DC up from school every day, taking them to after school classes, medical appointments etc.

It's interesting that so many people are able to function after a night shift but I can see my DH can't and I wouldn't be comfortable if he was driving them to school when he's overtired.

I think there's an assumption that he is sleeping all afternoon but that is not the case.

Anyway, I think I will have to do what you're doing @DancingWithYouInTheSummerRain and commit to particular days. Probably once I start the job and agree which days to go into the office it will be easier to work out. That's true regarding the tax free childcare. I've used it before and it really helps.