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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Childminder's Club: How ill is 'Too ill'...Broncitus??

39 replies

KatieMac · 28/11/2004 21:03

One of my mums has just rung to say Twin 1 has had Broncitus (diagnosed Fri pm) and she is expecting Twin 2 to be diagnosed with it at the Dr's tomorrow. She will bring them round at about 9.30 after the Dr has seen them.

I asked her to make sure that they were well enough, and that they should not be a threat to the other children...am I unreasonable?
Is Broncitus infectious/contagious and does it matter?

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KatieMac · 29/11/2004 19:16

6.5 miles from Mums to home the about 7 miles round trip.....

Do childminders have a right as apposed to a moral opinion or selfish need to tell parents to keep their children at home....

I would appreciate some views from C/Mers, parents and possible employers?

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MrsBigD · 29/11/2004 19:25

KatieMac, you're nice and this mum seems to take advantage of it. I'd put my foot down if I were you.

I'm also one of those mums who loves to 'palm' of dd to the childminder for some peace and quiet, but if dd is really ill, with a temperature etc I most definitely keep her home no matter how 'inconvenient' it is. Luckily I don't care whether my boss was happy about me taking the odd parental day before I had ds but hey... kids come first.

I'm lucky though that my childminder wouldn't really mind taking dd when ill assuming she's not too much of a handfull needing heaps of medication etc.
Saying that all the mums there have agreed that we're happy for the cm to take a kid with chickenpox etc. so we get it 'out of the way'

Caligula · 29/11/2004 19:25

I think they've got every right. At the end of the day, you're self-employed, not anyone's employee.

You could just turn around and say bugger off (not that I'm for one moment suggesting that you would or should) and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

And depending on the terms of your contract, (and I'm sure you've put stuff in there about illness) I'm sure you probably do have a legal, as well as moral right to tell her her kids have to stay at home.

KatieMac · 29/11/2004 20:30

But, to take it further, does a C/Mer have the right to tell a parent what to do?

Not necessarily for sickness, but what about advise on behaviour, health issues, appropriate clothing etc...

I got to the point with one Mum that if she hadn't taken my advise I was going to ask her to leave....but she finally listened.

Is there a point where it stops being advise and becomes insistance...iyswim

Just some thoughts on where our responsibilities end?

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ssd · 29/11/2004 21:15

That's a hard one KM.....

I haven't came across any really difficult situations yet, but I think I would always follow my instincts.I would be as reasonable and sympathetic as possible,but if the parents totally disagreed with me then I'd suggest they would be happier with a different childcare arrangement.

I just know there are certain things I wouldn't do with my children and whilst I know not everyone parents their children the same,if the differences were fundamental then the arrangemant with me as thier c/m wouldn't suit anyone.

Hope this makes sense,to be honest I think the fact that you were originally shocked/surprised this mum left her poorly babies with you lets you know exactly how you feel about it.......

I think, even in my capacity as a p/t childminder it's all a learning process,maybe if another mum came to you with sickly babies you would use your (excellent) judgement diffferently.

And I think the fact you've been so concerned about the babies shows what a caring c/m you are.

Caligula · 29/11/2004 21:27

I don't think you've ever got the right to tell someone how to make organise their family life or child-rearing, but you do have the right to tell them what you want when it comes to them being with you.

So if they want to take their kids out in a vest and pants on a winter's day, you might not be able to say they shouldn't, but you do have the right to tell them that you won't take them out without coats, warm clothes and hats, for example, and that they must be provided.

That's quite an easy one, but a more difficult one is if they swear in front of the kids, so the kids swear in front of your kids, which may not be what you want in your home. Again, you don't have the right to tell them not to swear in front of their kids, but you do have the right to expect your children not to be exposed to that. So I'd suggest you have the right to discuss it with them! And if you can't come to a compromise you're both happy with, you have to part company, as ssd suggests.

That's just examples, but I think its true of anything - if you can't agree on issues which to both of you are really quite fundamental, then neither of you are going to be happy. I went to see a childminder recently who had the TV on all the time. Lots of people would feel they could compromise about that. I didn't. That's my bottom line. On the other hand, the childminder I've chosen doesn't cook proper lunches, just has sandwiches or beans on toast. I find that perfectly acceptable, lots of people wouldn't. It's really what both parties are happy with.

Maudy · 29/11/2004 21:28

I am also a mum who totally relies on my childminder and I think she is the most wonderful person in the world. When my DS1 is feeling a bit poorly she offers to have him home from school for the days so he can have a quiet day at home (I have never accepted this offer as I am a bitch from hell and my kids have to be on deaths door before they stay home from school!).

I just wonder how difficult it must be to bring up prem twins on your own whilst holding down a teaching job. I agree that she is probably taking advantage of you and that if you are unhappy about the situation you should definitely make her aware of it, but she must be under some considerable pressure to 'cope' to behave in this fashion. Maybe she seeks solace in her work, or feels she can't cope on her own with sick babies? I have no idea but it's just a thought. Does she seem down to you?

KatieMac · 29/11/2004 21:52

That's an interesting though Maundy.....She probably is struggling and I am probably more able to cope (esp as they aren't mine - so I'm able to be more rational/objective)

That's a much better take on it than 'I'm being taken advantage of'. However I propbably won't be as 'easy' again as SSD says. And Caligula I do agree with your attitude, expectations and coping techniques for difficult situations

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ssd · 30/11/2004 07:49

Hi KM, it's Tuesday morning and I'm wondering how it'll go for you and the babies today.

It is hard being a c/m, a lot of my friends think the kids just play all day,they don't realise the planning and worry involved!As all parents know,when under 5's get on it's great, but when they don't it's the hardest job on earth (apart from being a parent).

And there is a fine line between not accepting certain things in your home and wanting the minded children to be happy and comfortable and "feel at home".I suppose everyone has their boundaries and every day bring new challenges .

Marina · 30/11/2004 09:08

While I would never send dd to nursery (or to a childminder) if she had a temp or diagnosed bronchitis, I can see where Maudy is coming from in wondering if this woman is under hideous pressure somewhere. Not excusing her then placing pressure on you KatieMac, but it must be hard dealing with prem twins on your own, and working in a sector where you know that if you are off, colleagues have to cover for you, or your pupils get a supply teacher.
She is extremely lucky to have a childminder like you KatieMac, it must help her enormously.
I take a lot of advice from dd's nursery nurses about dd specifically and child psychology in general and would expect to do the same from my childminder! You're the professionals

motherinferior · 30/11/2004 09:59

Nonono, Kangamummy, I wasn't taking offence, honestly! Sorry, I worded that VERY badly. It was the mum I was cross with.

KatieMac · 30/11/2004 10:58

Their Mum decided after a very difficult night that she needed a day at home and has kept them with her

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KatieMac · 30/11/2004 19:38

And after she phoned tonite - to let me know how they were I suggested that she kept them home tomorrow. And that if they had been at nursery they wouldn't have been in after Wednesday last week

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KangaMummy · 30/11/2004 19:54

well done KMc

very difficult situation for you though KMc

MI ok sorted

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