Grandparents doing childcare: tell me the worst!

[biser]

DD has asked me to help with childcare when she goes back to work. It will be regular full day slots but not too many.
What's the worst that could happen. What ground rules do we need in place.

As we have a small house, I usually did childcare at theirs that's where all the kit was. I didn't do it very often, but followed my daughter's rules. After all they are HER children, find it really odd that other GPs think that they can do whatever they want.

Thanks, guys, this is brilliant. It's exactly the sort of things that I need to be thinking about.

It sounds like communication is key.

My PIL did a lot of childcare for my SIL and BIL. They became completely over involved in every aspect of their lives. Came as a package. Pushing their way into every event. Their was no special GP relationship by the time the DC hit their teens, no novelty or excitement in seeing them, just over familiarity and frustration at their continued presence and 'co-parenting'.

PIL seemed to think the massive sacrifice made over the years gave them a right to comment on everything in their lives. Have an opinion. Expect to be listened to. They saw themselves as equal parents. Strained relationships all round.

PIL are now elderly and by God they're expecting payback. SIL would like to move further afield but feels she can't. She is stuck with a future of running round after her parents and so beholden.

My mother could not accept that I did not smack my DCs - we ended not speaking for the final 5 years of her life because of this issue.

respect the way they want their child to be brought up if you can’t agree then I wouldn’t do look after them

May I ask why you are sharing PR ? Do you need to do this for a particular reason.

I think it's lovely your mum has offered this an an option.

Obviously that's a really personal question, feel free to ignore me !

I’m the GP it depends how your relationship is now. I set my ground rules but also adhered to the parents on what my DGC were allowed, routine etc.

I love the relationship I have with DGC but it is tiring. I take them on outings, have them overnight and short breaks. I’ve taken them to appointments and even A&E and stayed in hospital overnight.

I agree it’s down to communication and there’s a fine line between providing childcare and being taken for granted. I think the parents need to understand that it’s not paid for professional care it’s looking after and caring for your child and just as parents sometimes get it wrong, so do grandparents.

It will be regular full day slots but not too many.

What does this mean 1/2/3 times a week ?

or couple times a month

I do think it’s unfair to have gp do long hours and 3/4/5 days a week

toddlers and babies are tiring

if you aren’t paying then hard to in-force boundaries

you as parents need to pay for all activities nappies wipes milk food so gp aren’t out of pocket

there will be times that child sleeps and you wish they don’t at gp esp when 2/3 and then struggle to get to bed

msy have different rules on tv food manners etc

I’m the daughter. Mum had our little one for one day a week in term time between ages 1 and 2. It was brilliant. She is basically magic and he’d go to sleep nicely lying on his little sheepskin in the afternoon when I was at work (he would only ever nap on me if I was there), and we never had any issues. I’m still really grateful and they have a very close bond 3 years on.

inlaws live further away and have him more sporadically because of that. They have a different parenting style whereas mum and I are very similar in our approach, so it took me longer to feel relaxed when he was with them, but that’s been good for me to realise I’m not always right, and he always has a whale of a time and again, is really close to them.

I think if you all get on and respect each other it can be brilliant. I would love to have my parents next door one side and my parents in law the other, but they most inconveniently insist on having lives of their own 🤣

What is the back up plan for when you go on holiday/ have a medical appointment/ have friends come visit etc

I think its important if your doing regular childcare to respect the parents wishes for behaviour and treats. To get lo out doing learning activities and messy play as soon as they can walk and resist helicopter parenting, so many grandparents at my toddler group hover over Los not letting them try for themselves the basic things that a much younger child would experience in childcare.

You need a clear communication of how much you are prepared to do and what hours. Make sure your on the same page. You also need to follow their parenting methods.

I would avoid over committing at first. That tiny adorable baby who eats and sleeps a lot and is happy to have outings to the park quickly becomes a demanding toddler needing a variety of stimulating activities which keep you on the go from morning until night. It is better to offer two days, for example, the add more if you find you can cope than to offer 3 or 4 days then want to drop down. That is an awkward conversation once the parents have begun relying on you and will then have to find more expensive childcare they hadn't expected. I have friends who look after gc part time and love it. I know others who, eager to help, offered full time care. Now they are finding it too much but don't want to say because dd took full time work because they said they could do it. An unfortunate conversation is looming and the gps fear that dd's opportunity for part time work is now gone. Best to pace yourself and see how you go on a couple of days before offering more.