Is it time to say goodbye to Childminder?

[PartyintheKitchen]

Our childminder has worked for us for 6 years, 3 days per week. Great with the kids (9, 6, 3) and when they are with her I never worry.

She is not the easiest with communications with parents however. She has been on sick leave for three weeks now and it’s at the stage where she is day-to-day texting whether she will return or not. 1st week she had a cold, took full week off. 2nd week covid, full week off. 3rd week, feels absolutely fine (her words) but has today told us she doesn’t want to work until her antigen test is negative (yesterday she said she would “definitely be back by end of week”).

She has form for making up her own rules on illness and days off, she is ill regularly enough (3-4 times per year, normally 1 week off per illness) and will also take time off ad-hoc and last min to mind her son if he is unwell. Her son is 22, no additional needs, generally he is quite coddled by her. When covid hit in March 2020, she - for obvious reasons - didn’t work, but extended it by months of leave (6 months in total) and her reasoning was that our children were vectors and she couldn’t risk her son becoming unwell (20 yrs old at time). That was hard.

I need a subjective view on her from you all. I’m at the stage where my husband and I have run down our annual leave to zero balance (but still have summer holidays ringfenced), we’re utilising local babysitters for chunks of time in the day when we can. Our 3 yr old goes to pre-school in September. Afterschool is covered here as standard so we could manage without her from Sept although that wasn't what we were considering. We could get someone who will cover the remainder of the summer minding for us to allow our CM to recuperate. Is it time to say goodbye to our CM? The day to day “I can work, I can’t work” is so unbelievably stressful to manage. Other factors at play. I’m only 3 months in new job and don’t have a bank of holidays I can call on. My mum is going through chemo so I need to be available to help her when possible – it’s a big drive too to her as she lives across the country. It’s not the easiest phase at the moment.

Any thoughts? Woudl appreciate some input from those not in the weeds with this situ. Thanks.

She’s hugely unreliable, I would definitely leave.

She's taking the piss. Please tell me you've given her notice.

What a complete joke! Good that you’re drawing a line, it’s going to transform your stress levels I’m sure to have some reliable childcare.

Echoing what everyone else has said.

It’s certainly extremely irritating for you, but I’d especially think about the impact on the dc with so much chopping and changing, especially the youngest.

JFC drop her like she's hot.

With our eldest we left a childminder for taking 5-6 weeks off a year in addition to holidays. Always for mild 'illness' which never stopped her sitting in the garden with a cider. Never any consistency, but if you asked the gentlest question you'd think she'd swallowed a wasp.

My regret is not doing it a year earlier. We were mugs with a case of the previous first borns and no idea what was ordinary. Completely disrespectful and taking the piss.

you say she ‘works for us’, does she come to your house? Or is she a Childminder who has other kids there too?

Goodness, not working with a cold! If a parent can do it, a CM should. I'm sure you'd rather a less than stellar job and she's actually there when you need her than being off for a week!

Gosh, my childminder took DS from age 2 to 11 (from full time to school runs) and in that time she took 2 DAYS off sick, both times with a migraine.

Yours has been a CF.

If reliability isn't part of the service she's offering then you need to find someone else.

She doesn't sound too bright if she doesn't understand that working parents might find lack of childcare due to her time off a problem.

Just jumping back on to say my absolute bugbear is this 'I feel I need' language, which frames something completely unreasonable (no doctor in the world would tell me but...) language as moral. It takes away your room to give a reasoned response ('But medical advice is that you don't need to isolate any more')

For that alone, I would call it. And when your mum needs you to be available too. You need to put yourselves first.

I'm a Registered Childminder but have paused my registration so to speak because both I and my children kept getting ill. I couldn't be as reliable as I wanted or needed to be. My children are MUCH younger though and need me. Frankly taking time off for a 20 something is strange, I mean unless he is incapable of getting out of bed and is seriously unwell, needing help.

The EYFS states that childcare providers have a duty to minimise the spread of infection so she could be taking it incredibly seriously. It's mostly a case of shutting the ill person away upstairs so long as they don't come out and interact with mindees. However it depends on the illness and different insurance companies will say different things.

Something just feels very off to me about it though, as if her heart isn't in it at all.

The bottom line is, it's not working for you. I think it's time to move on. I would speak to her now though, particularly if she's on the same page you put an advert on. Perhaps she doesn't realise quite the impact that it's having on your family.

Also, just to ask, are you actually happy for your children to be in a house with someone with Covid? I'm currently on day 9, my daughter on day 11, both still testing positive so both potentially transmissible. If your children got Covid then they'd be at home for who knows how long and that would impact you too.

It's possible she isn't "taking the piss" but has some form of health anxiety- and that extends to her adult son too.

That said, the working agreement you have has become untenable due to her unreliability.

I agree that the best action would be to let her go.
I don't think it's necessary to go into the actual reasons why. When she has been present she has been capable and formed a good caring relationship with your children so thank her for her services and part on good terms.

You don't need to feel guilty or obligated. Good luck

She sounds completely unreliable. It is one of most parents top requirements so I am surprised she thinks this is the right job for her. You have been amazingly understanding to stay with her and I think she will have issues getting a replacement. Taking time off for a 20 year old unless it was a very serious illness is odd. Maybe there is something else going on with her as it just seems so strange.

With covid I think she is right to stay off believe that is what most people do ?
If she works in your house minding your children and you want to fire her you need reason, notice ect. If making her redundant again process and redundancy payment.
Redundancy ok if they going to after school September but wouldn't be valid if you getting another minded in your home.