Childminders

[FlimsySteve]

I've contacted probably nearly 100 childminders so far and I'm just exasperated! He has a space in nursery but we'd prefer a smaller setting really.

We've met at least 10 childminders now who have a space for my son but once we meet up suddenly the space is gone. It feels really personal now and the only explanation is that they feel my child is too difficult to look after - he was born extremely prematurely so is delayed with some things (he's 1) and I honestly think they are discriminating against him because of this.

Is this something childcare providers do?

Are you being honest with the childminders before you meet them? Does he need extra care?

He's 13 months old but developmentally similar to a 10 month old, and he requires no extra care than a 10 month old would. He crawls, rolls and stands (with support). He eats solids with some milk and naps 1-2 times a day so not super dissimilar to some 1 year olds anyway! I tell them he was born prematurely before we meet but I suppose I wouldn't necessarily given l give them his exact corrected age.

Don't forget it's a two way interview are you being too demanding? Some people are very specific and inflexible over details which is fine if your talking to a nanny but dosent fit when the child is in a group setting.

I don't think we are being at all demanding. We're not super flexible on hours - we want him minded 3 days a week, 8-5 or 9-6 ish depending on the CMs hours.

My husband WFH and can end his work day a little early (ad hoc, not regularly) if the CM needs him to, and we explain this to the CMs. We're happy to provide food, and send DS with milk.

I don't think we are asking for anything specific other than that. I talk about the fact he has extra medical/nurse/AHP checkups because of his prematurity but am clear that he doesn't have any health problems.

To be honest you may as well ask them why, sure most will probably say oh because of something irrelevant but you never know. My neighbour is a childminder and she has a preference for full time mindees so perhaps that plays a part? Although sadly it would be naive to assume there's no prejudice going on.

Based on comments that one CM made, it's inconvenient that DS can't walk yet. She actually accepted him, i paid to reserve the space and then 3 weeks later said she can't take him anymore. Even at 12 months its within the range of normal for a child not to be walking.

Are they allowed to pick and choose in this way? How to they avoid disability discrimination if so?

Are you expecting them to make up formula for a 13 months old?

No he has premade prescription formula milk

My DS is 18 months and has toddler formula as he isn’t keen on cows milk.

would a smaller nursery work, do you think?

When you take on new children you have to be confident that you can meet both their needs and the needs of other children in your care. So personally I wouldnt want to take on two non walkers. The rules say we should only have 1 under 1 and space requirements are different so if developmentally your lo is at his adjusted age rather than his true age (as many prem babies are) it would be like caring for two under one's thats not always the best choice for any of the children but without meeting its hard to make that decision..

Where I live CM are in high demand. They will probably have more than one parent interested in the space for your DC. If they have intetest in a child that was less work for the same amount of money, they will take it. Rightly or wrongly.

I had a CM tell me she couldn't cope with my eldest who is autistic, albeit he was undiagnosed at the time. She offered to take my more compliant youngest. didn't want someone like looking after any of my children TBH.

A childminder should consider carefully his or her ability to care for any child. Many work alone, so you wouldn't want them to do anything else.

It's more likely to be that places are at a premium at the moment. I've never known anything like the enquiries in the last month or two and, in our area, it's exacerbated by nurseries having to farm children out to childminders because of their staffing issues.

I wonder if it's the fact that you already have a nursery place that is putting them off?
Some of the parents trying to find temporary childcare due to nursery staffing issues are not being honest about it. They're telling us they want to move to us permanently when all they want is a stop gap while the nursery can't take them.
It wastes our time and denies other children a place, who genuinely want a childminder setting. We've been caught out already and it's made us wary of taking on further nursery children.

My sister is a childminder.
She feels like it's a 2 way interview when she meets parents.
She has in the past not given spaces to parents who have lots of demands she wouldn't be able to work with.
Things such as parents wanting a hot cooked meal at lunch time instead of tea time (she goes on lots of outings)
Parents that insist on certain nap times that wouldn't work with her schedule.
Parents who wanted child's bottom cleaned with cool boiled water and olive oil every nappy change.

I think that's unfair. I'm a cm and I had to hand notice in to an autistic child recently. I'd had them for years and years and still very fond of them. I'd dealt with their behaviour for such a long time and it was really hard work but she was really taking too much attention from the other kids and was physically abusive towards me and the other children and was sometimes (dangerously) impulsive. It wouldn't be right for me to carry onlooking after her and I'm still a bloody good childminder. Thankfully the parent in this case realises I'm still worthy of looking after any siblings.

I wonder if it's the fact that you already have a nursery place that is putting them off?

I don't usually mention it in conversation with CMs as nursery is the last resort before me not returning to work at all for us.

I wholly and absolutely understand needing to balance needs of the children but why do they not tell us this then?

And where does this leave us, ultimately without childcare unless I have the backup of a nursery space?

I mean we don't have any demands, we are interested in a collaborative relationship with a CM for DS and we are really flexible (e.g. one childminder asked if it would be possible for us to give breakfast to DS before he came, we agreed even though it would be incident inconvenient for us).

Does she tell the parents why she won't offer a space?

When I was childminding under 1 spaces went very fast, in one week I had 3 families all wanting a baby space , saw first 2 families, of which 1 I was going to say no to if they got back to me. (Due to them wanting a nanny but a childminder prices and asked me not to take on anymore children while I had there’s in) 3 rd family signed up there and then . 1st family contacted me again 3 weeks later and were surprised space had gone. I looked after a 12 month and 14 month old at same time and it was very hard work having two non walkers . I started at 8 am and I too would need the children to be fed before arriving as I too would not have the time to feed then or subversive feeding with other children arriving, school run and then going straight out to groups

So last week, we saw 1 lady on Wednesday. She asked me if I had any others to see and I said yes, I'm seeing one on Friday. She said fine, just let us know after you've seen her, no rush. She told me they had multiple spaces available due to children going to school.

CM on Friday asked to move the visit to Thursday. She said she had at least 2 spaces available as a few mindees are due to go to school (she told us she had checked with the parents), and had actually chased us up a few times (we were on holiday the week before so DH had taken some time to reply to her text). We met, and within 1 hour of getting home had messaged to say we wanted the space. The next morning she replied saying that both children that she thought were going to school now aren't so she doesn't haven't any spaces.

I messaged the first CM who said that she had now filled all her spaces. I replied saying if I had realised it was that time sensitive I would have of course confirmed sooner but she reassured me she would wait for my response on Friday, but she just said there was nothing she could do.

If we hadn't wasted our time seeing a CM who apparently didn't have any space on the Thursday, we would have reserved the other space the same day. Her not checking with parents meant we lost out on the other space(s).

I don't know what else we could have done differently..

It all sounds odd. I was a childminder for 10 years a few i didn't take on.. most were parents who were not prepared to put boundries in, say the word no.... they had such a different parenting style we didn't compliment each other..

I am guessing its the prem part and they think there are going to be additional needs. I have had bum shufflers so can take up to 18 months to walk.. I could take 2 but not 3 none walkers.

When are you returning to work ? I am wondering if you are too far in advance?

Returning to work 1st August so looking for a start just before then, but could also start later as August is quiet for DH. We've been looking for a while actually but the first CM we reserved said she was looking for a July start , but reneged in May and said she could no longer take our son. The second we reserved at the end of May was deregistered a few days later following an inspection from her agency - she, nor the agency, had told us she had failed 2 beforehand (her ofsted was good).

Maybe we’d cm dud get the space filled

if you liked her that much yiu should have cancelled other cm and paid deposit and signed contract on that Wednesday

rather than wait and see the other one

espically that you have seen many so know if like cm

I always understood parents would want to look around at other childminders before making a decision who they wanted to care for their son/daughter but at same point advised them I do not hold spaces while they are doing this as I could just not afford to lose out on potential income. I found families who came to visit and then decided to use someone else you never heard back from to advise you either way.

How long are you leaving it to reply? In my area childminders are in high demand, and any vacancies I have are taken within a couple of days.

Are you being honest re the not walking? If I already have an under one, I wouldn't take another non walker.

Hi 👋 I’m in need for a childminder starting in sept I live in b31 and need drop offs and pick ups every weekday to Forestdale primary school. I need someone from 7.30am each morning

I suspect it is your child's needs. My daughter was premature but wasn't behind developmentally.

When she started the childminder had just opened and had numerous kids 1+ who were at various stages with walking, needing a bottle etc. She coped as it was all new and she was running on adrenaline. Over a year in and she is finding the long days and the feeling that her house is no longer a home to be wearing. She's recently taken on a baby and its clear she's regretting it and finding it too much even though she has help. If the same situation arose again I'm sure she wouldn't take on a child again who has high needs.

I understand how hard it must be for you as feeling rejected is awful but if the childminder doesn't think they'd be able to cope it is better that the search goes on.