nanny issue. Starting to feel uncomfortable - is this normal?

[goldenoldie]

had day nanny for 7 months for 4 days a week. my 2 year olds cry everytime she arrives and don't go to her. maybe they don't like her? Maybe they are not having such a great time with her?
making me feel uncomfortable as they go to nursery 1 day a week and, apart from first few weeks when they were reluctant, they rush in all smiles and clearly love it.

should they still be crying when they see her, even after 7 months?

What area are you in goldenoldie- I know of a couple of very good nannies about to change jobs after long, happy stints with current families

What is the tv tuned too?

I always think that if you are unhappy with your child care you need to get rid. These are your children FGS.

The more you say the more I dislike what I hear of this nanny. That sounds horrible which I don't mean it to be.

Maybe you could suggest/organise playdates or classes and that might help, but to be honest it sounds like its time for a change.

Definitely!

I turned up unexpectedly one day and found the DDs slumped in front of daytime TV (they were 2 & 4 at the time) and nanny was upstairs in her room with the door shut. I waited with them for half an hour but still no sign of her, so finally went upstairs and called her. She told me, having thought I'd just arrived, that she was cleaning the bathroom, which was a blatant lie. Also forgot something one morning and drove back, to see her husband, who had been hiding in our hedge, go and bang on the front door! Children were indifferent to her, at best, and when she left (sacked, unsurprisingly), DD1 said "We really hated her, she was horrible to us. She told us that bad things would happen if we told on her."

Get rid. They should be used to her by now; something's clearly not right.

I don't think this is good. I have only had 2 nannies in 5 years though, so I don't have heaps of experience. The first one told me it was normal for children to be upset when a nanny arrived, for the reasons Nick outlined, and DS1 was upset when he saw the nanny frequently in the mornings for the year we employed her.

This hardly ever happens with our current nanny. Not never, but hardly ever. The boys were talking excitedly at Christmas about their new toys and how much they wanted to show them to nanny when she got back to work.

My first nanny was also loathe to go to drop in classes amd seemed unable to arrange playdates. We booked a term of Crechendo and told her she had to go, and there had to be a good reason otherwise it would be a waste of money. This worked both in terms of getting her out, and providing somewhere for her to meet other nannies and get playdates. We were a nannyshare so she was taking 2 boys the same age - as if they were twins. I wouldn't let having two be an argument against classes.

If you're with nannytax they have a good employment law telephone line service which should help you think through the legal options, if you feel it's time for a change.

shinysnowflakes - do the nannies you know live in?

One would- the other two would want to live out

Eleusis is looking and I will be at some point in the near future...where are these nannies living currently?

Currently: Hampshire, Worcestershire and Kent

Should have added- there are 2 in Worcs

TV should be for times when the children are tired - for example, I use DVD Time for when the 4 year old gets home from school (enables the children to chill out for a while, and for me to cook tea). During the day, if it's wet and miserable and craft session hasn't lasted long, then we will watch a DVD, listen to the radio, have CD's (music and stories). This past week has been bad weather wise, but the children still got out and about - went to the woods and built a 'den', dressed in waterproofs and wellyboots.

Your nanny needs to get out and about more to meet other people with children - could you force her to take them to a toddler group perhaps?

Wow, how do you know all these nannies? There are a few people on the hunt - see this thread here We are in Canterbury and will be looking before long (explains why on the other thread). Cat me if you think you know someone who might be interested, live in or out...

Sorry for the thread hijack - hijack over.

Oh, and goldenoldie - your updates re TV and text etc sound just like the nightmare nanny I had, those alram bells are really deafening....

Sounds like your nanny hasn't bonded (or made the effort to bond) with your twins. I look after 2 year old twins and they shriek and scream with delight before I have even got myself in the front door (drives their momma nuts as usually I arrive mid-breakfast and they want me not their food now LOL)

She shouldn't really have the tv on every single night, and she shouldn't have her mobile phone beeping and buzzing all the time. Sounds like she is not paying 100% attention and isn't actively engaging the children. 2 year olds are hard work and especially twins, they need re-directing and engaging and attention especially in the witching hour (or hours LOL) and at the end of the day my twins enjoy snuggles and stories and are totally delish in their fleecy all in one pjs. I couldn't imagine NOT bonding with them and loving them.

Warning bells here too....

It's the nanny mafia - I know a couple too, but only 1 who might consider live-in.

Many thanks for all the advice. I will ask her to take them to toddler groups, there are stacks round here, easy to find one for an hour everyday.

DH thinks nanny and kids are fine, but I'm not sure how closely he has looked.

cssf - We are in London.

Will take nanny out for supper and chat about 'the future'. Think she might have career intrests outside of chilcare which I can encourage her with!