Where to find childminder for 14yo boy with autism??

[hopingforbettertimes]

Hello, My boyfriend has a 14yo autistic son who he has every second week and he is desperately trying to find help on 2-3 evenings (e.g. 3.30-7pm) on those weeks so that he can work. Any advice on what options he may have for childcare (if any!) and where he could start looking would be really appreciated. Have looked on Childcare.co.uk and Care.com. He has no family he can rely on and I live an hours drive away and work full-time which limits what I can do. If he can't sort this, he is worried he will lose his job. Thanks.

Ah thank you but he is in Teesside. :)

Ah I'll advertising via a uni to him. His son is pretty good but just needs someone about to keep an eye on him. Thanks.

He is in Teesside. :)

Thank you everyone for your comments and ideas. I was panicking this afternoon but am feeling hopeful now. Lots of places to try - advertising via websites, schools and universities. Although they have a 50/50 arrangement, my boyfriend is not in receipt of any financial help. He says as his ex is still seen as primary care giver/gets child benefit etc, he is not eligible to get carer needs assessment - is this right? Can only one parent get this? His son is waiting to see a social worker who will assign him someone who can take him out and about which will be great but apparently there is a looong waiting list for this. Boyfriend has just accepted he will need to find a babysitter/nanny privately, so fingers crossed he can. Without finding someone it it makes his ability to work impossible and impacts massively on our ability to have a relationship too.

He shoukd still get carer assessment
That waY can access certain schemes
Some you need ss referral
Does his ex live in same county?

Yes she lives in same country. He thinks he isn't able to get an assessment but I'll let him know to try again. He's tried a lot of things but just keeps getting told no as not primary carer/not in receipt of child benefit. Thanks :)

If he just needs someone to be in the house with him, rather than look after him how about advertising in 6th form colleges too?

Is there a particular reason why they have gone for 50/50 custody rather than EOW or whatever? Sounds like the mum has a good support system in place and your boyfriend won't even be spending that much time with his son during the week. How does his autism present? Do you think he'll need a specialist nanny or would one from an agency do?

Yeah inaccurate regarding carer assessment. It's not to do with benefits- he needs to register as an unpaid carer via his local carers centre who will do an assessment of what support your boyfriend has in place. The teens school or the carers centre can then help with a referral to disability social Work.
Assuming the teen is in receipt of a disability benefit?

Thanks @TomDaleysCardigan i will pass this on. Yes son gets DLA (although doesn’t have access to these funds when he is with his dad, but that’s another post!). @Borland its 50/50 as before covid he only saw his son on weekends and wanted to spend more time with him. Yes this new job now takes away time from his son, which wasn’t planned, but he has no other options. Financially things have been absolutely awful the last couple of years and so stressful. Boyfriend has no access to financial support for son.They need money and security. The mum is not willing to be flexible with any arrangements in any way.

@Borland no I don’t think a specialist nanny will be needed. Just someone with experience of young person with autism. If it’s in his own home, son is quite happy to entertain himself. Just needs someone to keep an eye out for him. He can get frustrated sometimes but that’s it really. Just can’t be home alone, so even as people mention above, even a student could be suitable.

www.korukids.co.uk

Could something like this work? you mention autism and I don’t know if he needs SEN trained childcare or just someone to keep an eye.

Childcare for secondary age is so difficult.

@PeterPomegranate that’s a site i haven't seen before - will take a look. Thank you.

Your b f needs to talk to parent carer groups locally aNd look at local offer and find recommendations
Word of mouth can be good for carers for teenagers
If he has ds 50 %of time he can ask for carer assessment
And argue is for ds benefit

Don't do everything yourself
Your bf needs to be proactive

I've told my bf that according to what I have read on this thread, he would be eligible to get a carers assessment. However, he says he has asked for this before but as he is not directly in receipt of any benefits for child (and nothing is shared by ex) he has been told he cannot apply/is not eligible. He is a fighter and v proactive and has been successful in fighting his corner on a number of things - e.g. getting a council house when council repeatedly said no despite child staying with him 50% (although he has been told he will now have to pay bedroom tax on the 2 bedroom house) and also getting help from Student Finance when they also repeatedly said no to giving him anything as he wasn't in receipt of any benefits for his son. The only 'proof' he has that son is with him 50% is the travel arrangements for the school and of course his bank accounts showing the outgoings. However, should I tell him to try again and that what he has previously been told (several times) is wrong and to seek out/argue for a carers assessment? He will be the one organising this all but I am just trying to help as I have seen how stressful this has all been for him. He has been at breaking point all because he is trying to be able to care for and provide for his son but is constantly told no. Thanks.

Online says Anyone who considers themselves to be a carer and provides regular care, paid or unpaid is entitled to have a carer's assessment.
...
It does not matter:
Whether or not you live with the person you support.
Whether they are a relative or friend.
How many hours each week you support them.

This is his 'battle' not yours. You should leave him to do this and be a dad. You could end up doing a lot of harm to their son without realising it. His ex having cared for their son on her own during the pandemic has undoubtedly had her career damaged in the process and I'm sure needs the child maintenance, carers allowance etc just to survive. Your boyfriend has managed to survive just fine without and even get a council house, which is a huge help financially to renting on the open market. Trying to 'screw' the mum out of financial stability that will also affect their son's lifestyle and breed contempt between the 2 of them (again affecting their son's life) is not a good move. Often even with a 50:50 split, one parent ends up doing the lions share of the organising, speaking to school, EHCP annual review, filling in forms and taking to appointments etc, so it would be right for that parent to get child benefit and child maintenance (reduced by the number of nights the child stayed over). It is wrong to assume that 50:50 really is that, it very often isn't. What does she use the DLA for? You may well find she is paying for trips/groups to develop social skills, therapy, additional equipment to help with SPD etc. It is for their son's benefit, not their parents. She has been appointed to manage that funding. Unless your boyfriend believes she is not using it for their son's benefit then he should leave well alone. If he doesn't feel it is, he should bring it up with the mum in the first instance.

Why did he push for 50:50 when he didn't have the childcare in place? It doesn't sound like he's actually able to look after him 50:50. What is he going to do in the summer holidays? Was it just it avoid paying so much child maintenance?

It does depend on the LA, but I wouldn't hold out hope for direct payments, unless he is in Special School or in Mainstream and there are safeguarding issues.

Be very careful. You are only hearing one side of the story.

My son has autism and at that age he just needed an older teen in the house.

Thanks @cestlavielife I'll tell him to follow it up again. Thanks @Northernsoullover. BF thinks a young person would be better for his son as they'd have more in common and could have shared interests. But he also would prefer someone who is Ofsted registered so he knows they are regularly checked and someone with SEN experience. He just obviously wants to make sure the person is safe, reliable and someone his son will like. He'll have to see what the options are. He is going to start following up on the advice given above about where to look. The BF's mother may be doing a u-turn and offering some support, but we will see. Thanks.

I read your post @toddlingabout last night and I considered just ignoring it to be honest. I simply posted asking for advice on where people who have teenage kids with SENs can find suitable childcare. I am posting on here as my BF doesn't do Mumsnet, largely due to people like yourself jumping to massively incorrect, and completely biased, conclusions.

It is obvious from the posts above that many people with teenage kids with autism turn to others for help whether it is a nanny, childminder or someone-else - from what they have said they may be single parents or couples. Why is my BF trying to find help such an issue here? Just because he has an SEN kid is he not allowed to work? Should he be relegated to a life of debt and foodbanks and not being able to provide for his son? Also on this matter, why should I leave my BF - he and the mum have been separated for years and she is with someone else - as a dad is he not allowed to have a relationship and a life? As a partner (and a woman in her 40s) am I not able to look out for my BF and offer support for him and his son where I can? Suggesting I could end up doing harm to their son is ridiculous and actually pretty offensive.

You say I am hearing one side of the story - I am absolutely aware of this. However, in the 2 years we have been together I am beginning to see and hear enough to form my own opinions. However, this was not the focus of this thread and nowhere have I made statements about the mum - I have just stated that she is in receipt of all benefits/monies and that means it is difficult for BF to 'prove' to the council (and others) that it is shared care and he actually has his son 50/50.

And yes, it is shared care and 50/50 - they have the son for exactly the same amount of days/nights. And that includes being involved with the school, with EHCP reviews and him paying/taking his son to a group to develop skills, even in the weeks son is with the mother (as she won't take him). You are right the DLA money is for the son's benefit, not the parents - but son does not get access to this money for 2 weeks of the month (but again, that is not the point of this thread).

And no, he hasn't wanted 50/50 just to get out of paying maintenance. Is it not possible that a Dad loves and wants to care for their child, just as much as the mother? Is it not also possible that the son actually wants to spend this much time with his Dad? Is it not possible that a mother finds she actually prefers 50/50 and doesn’t want to change the situation?

And nowhere have I indicated he is trying to get money from the mother, or 'screw' the mother financially as you so nicely put it. They have done 50/50 since the start of Covid, and so the mother is not the only one who has suffered financially from it. But yet again, you make assumptions that she has struggled to survive where as my BF has been just fine....hmm OK. So the 50/50 arrangement arose from Covid and wasn't particularly planned, but it's how it has worked out and my BF (and the mum) wants to keep this arrangement (as yes it was something he had wanted for a long time) and he will do everything he can to give his son, and himself, the best life possible.

Thanks to everyone else who has offered helpful advice. I don’t see a need for this thread to continue now.

This wouldn’t really be a job for a child minder, more of a support worker or SEN nanny type role. Try SEN Nannie’s, SNAP care or Bubble if it’s just ad hoc.

I am a childminder and looked after a boy with autism from the age of 10 to 12 in the school holiday. i liked him and his parents and saw how tricky things were for them so really tried to make sure his days were as easy as possible, checked all his triggers with mum, planned days out to places he liked, made sure he had a calm space to go in the house, got my 13 year old to play video games with him, but he got more and more impatient with the little ones that I have to have because I look after them all year round. He started shouting at them when they sang or chatted. My own youngest child is 5 now and he has special needs and potential autism himself which means he makes lots of random noises and the 12 year old started threatening him under his breath and that was it really. So if you are looking for an actual childminder rather than a nanny, how will he be with early years children? Because they will be there and they will be noisy!

@Dramaticpenguin this thread is from over 2 years ago so I assume the OP has sorted it out now.