So... AIBU to think that my cm is being a bit cheeky? And how do I tackle it?

[funnypeCOOLYULEiar]

Lovely cm, she's fab, has looked after ds & dd for about 18mth, dd especially adores her.

But I've now had two instances in one month where she's cancelled at short notice - I've received an email today to say that she can't have the kids on Thurs (becuase she is organising a party for her mum's 60th and is going to be really busy)

I'm self employed and work from home, and, as it happens I don't have anything I desparately need to do, so can accomodate it.

But the email is just telling me she can't have the kids, not asking if it's a problem. I asked her when she wanted to start back to work, and Thurs was the date she gave me.

Coming on top of a similar issue in Dec (when she suddenly realised the day before that her daughter had a consultant appt, so I had to have the kids from 3pm. That one was actually quite inconvenient, & meant I had to work the weekend before Christmas.

So:

1. AIBU to be annoyed?
2. How do I politely say that I need more notice of changes of plan?

I really don't want to p* her off, but if this becomes a habit, it is going to cause real problems, so I feel like I should be clear with her now that just because I'm SE, I can't always change plans at the last minute....

do you have a contract? if so, what does it say about notice for her not being able to work?

also, if you have a good relationship with her then i would be inclined to have a quiet but firm word with her about it

good question - yes we do (no idea where it is!)
It's a standard one, so I'll check it.
Don't really want to get all heavy and 'contractual obligations'-y though [cowardly emoticon]

YANBU to be annoyed

what does the small print say?

do you thikn that becasue you are self employed and work from home, she does not think it is as much of an issue for you to not have childcare?

Sorry, just read the second post
I think firm word is probably more in order. Think it may be better face to face rather than trying to email...

face to face is the only way to do it

also, I agree with Lulu re her thinking that it is less of an issue for you to manage her not being able to mind your DD as you work from home etc

you need to put her right on that i think

you should not be worreid about p*ssing her off, you are paying her to take care of your children so you can work, if you cannot talk to her , maybe you need to rethink your options?

if you don;t say something, she might not realise that it is a big deal,and might be mortified.

lulu - yes, I suspect it does. Which is understandable in some ways, and I do try and be flexible whenever I can (& to be fiar, she is also accomodating whenever she can be if I need her to do extra time)
But I think I need to be clear that she can't assume I can be flexible, iykwim.

I did wonder about inventing a client meeting for Thursday that would have to be rearranged...

Very unprofessional of her to cancel at short notice because she's busy organising a party!

I'd check what notice you have to give her for occasional days off and then maybe mention that she needs to give you the same notice.

i think that the problem with talking to her is that I think of her as a friend now as well as someone who works for/with me. Which is good, I think, that's why I wanted a cm - my kids are part of her family

But it does make the professional/personal boundry tricky.

Its a very tricky situation, I know. As a CM I want to be the closest friend and 'spare parent' as I can be, but still keeping it professional!

I think you should invent a meeting! Its not at all right that she's saying she's busy organising a party! She could do it tomorrow or after work!

Hummm, thanks Maureen, will ponder meeting invention!

At the very least you could lay it on thick about having to re-schedule a meeting and maybe you could take it from this that you need more than 2 days notice in future.

the 'work' boundry has been crossed here and she now thinks she can swap and change, shes not being proffesiona;, no she wont be getting paid for it but she does havea contract with you for x days a week and she cant cahnge her mind on starting back date like that, or rather she can, but that makes her a bda/inconsiderate cm..you need to get that boundry back...did she ring/text/email you?..i would have been inclined to say there and then that this change would put me in a pickle, even if it ahdnt..you still have to reorganise things now, even if they arn't mega important!

Rose - thanks, you're right I think (what is a bda?!)

She emailed. May have texted too, but phone out of charge & charger at my sisters, so i don't know. I haven't replied yet...

it's very un-professional behaviour - she should give you at least a couple of weeks notice - i have four weeks on my contract - but as you say she's very good and now a friend i can see it would be awkward to say anything HOWEVER you need her to be reliable and to do the job your paying her for - i would just be straight-forward and honest with her - the professional/friendship line does get a bit hazy the longer you work together

Definitely agree about inventing a meeting that you had to cancel at short notice. Also while you are telling yoyur cm this, can you mention that the coming months look busy ones with more meetings than usual lined up.

I think you need to be show (in a nice way)that your working from home arrangements are not as flexible as your cm assumes. But likewise, I guess you will have rely less on your cm being flexible for you at short notice, so she doesn't feel she is owed time off.

As you are on such friendly terms with her, you sound like you'll work it out fine.

but after 18 months with you and only being let down on 2 occasions, give her anotehr chance, it is a busy time of year for lots of us. perhaps it all gets too much sometimes (know the feeling)

YANBU to be annoyed IMO

but can i just ask... did she know about her childs consultant appt in advance?...

I only ask because not long ago my grandmother recieved her appt with her consultant for tomorrow and if that happened to her as well it would be understandable...

the hospital were being extra slow at posting letters and some people apparently didnt even recieve the letters until they had missed the appt

She did know it was her mum's 60th, hatrick - but the party is a suprise so she hadn't written it in her diary.

And, I kind of know what you mean, Slarty - &Ii certainly won't get heavy with her. But the tone of the email put my back up. it wasn't 'would it be a problem if I don't have the kids', it was 'I can't have them'. I'm SE, & if I'm busy, I don't ring my clients and tell them i can't do stuff i've previously agreed to... or if I did, I would be sooooooo apologetic it wouldn't be true!

And actually, she had a last minute day off in Nov as well, thinking about it - her lo had been ill & she needed to catch up on some sleep. Again, it was presented as a fait-acompanli rather than a do you mind.

sorry it should have said Bad my spelling is terrible!

her excuses are terrible, they are not jutified!, shes over stepping the mark..have you emailed her back?, if not i would say..I guess i can arrange something this time, and i know things do crop up in emergencies, but i really do need more notice, same as i would try and give you as even though i am SE, i still have to make plans and thee cant always be easilly re arranged....the 'emergencies' bit, is a dig as her mums aprty is NOT an emergency...neither is catching up on sleep!, if my dd's been ill, same is i have, i plan more quiet activities through day to enure im not putting children at risk and that i can still keep them safe and happy(im a CM to, forgot to say)

NannyL - she said she'd forgotten about the apt, so I assume so. Crapola for your grandmother, though.

I am emailing now Rose - will say something along those lines, I think, although probably slightly gentler [wimp]. If it happens again, I'll have to go big guns.

Thanks for your help - esp you cms/nannies - good to know I'm not being totally petty!

not at all!

just say...i have managed to re arrange but would be so much help if you could give me plenty of notice if something comes up agin, i know emergencies happen but lots of juggling to do today..keep it light!

Sorry what does SE mean ??