would you use a MALE BABYSITTER?

[noonar]

we have a family friend who is a guy of 23. he's intelligent, kind and fantastic with my girls (aged 3 and 5). he is a lodger at my mum's house, and we know him pretty well.

...would you have a male babysitter? for some reason, part of me feels a bit uneasy about having any man babysit, even though i couldnt think more highly of the person in question.

Yes, in fact even dh looks after the kids.

yes.

yes

Maybe it's because of the bloody media seeing 'weirdos and paedo's' round every corner.

How sad, particularly since my own husband is a fabulous teacher and foster carer

Really wish the world didn't demonise men.

if you feel uncomfortable in any way about this guy of course don't have him mind your children - but try to work out where this 'uncomfortableness' comes from if its not about him.

what is it you feel uneasy about?

I find men often make much better LSAs than women too.

NannyNick is a bloke. He's a nanny and babysits - doesn't ever seem short of work, so I'd assume there are many folk happy to employ him. He posts on here a bit.

Why do you feel uneasy?

I know lots of parents who will use a male babysitter (they use me ). However, I am a qualified nursery nurse, maternity practitioner and I am Ofsted Registered. So a bit different from a lodger who you may know little about.

Your children like him, so you've spent time with him already. So you must trust him to a certain extent already. Do you have any reason not to trust him?

I would if I knew them and have.

My neighbours son was and probably still is an excellent babysitter so is her Son in Law.

We use a male babysitter all the time. Admittedly he's the vicar's son (aged 16), but the main thing is he's reliable and trustworthy and does a good job.

A very good friend of mine is the only girl in a family of 6, three of her younger borthres babysat for me, each time one got too old to want to stay in on a saturday nihgt the other ones had just hit the 'we want money' age. They were great babysitters.

ok, maybe it has something to do with the fact that 2 of my brothers were sexually abused by family friends. my mum clearly was not a good judge of their character, and i guess i just dont want to 'get it wrong' like my mum did.

hercules, i can see why you might have been tempted to make a sarcastic response, but i am genuinely interested in how others feel, as i want to get some perspective on my own feelings.

there really is nothing about this guy that i dont like.

i can see how something like that would have such a huge impact

looking at your OP, there is much to recommend him but there won't be any point using him if you are just going to worry

noonar, I was abused by my own stepfather, thankfully I havent let it cloud my judgement, try not to.
FWIW, Women can abuse children too. I've seen programmes about nannnycams that havecaught women being really neglectful and cruel.
Maybe if you're worried put the girls to bed before you go? There's less reason for him to do anymroe than open their door nd peek on them then.

Your fears can apply to both men and women though. It's about whether you trust that person or not rather than their gender.

Noonar - I think it's understandable that you feel cautious / anxious about babysitters.
tbh none of us knows wheter we can trust our own judgement, or other people, and it's up to you to gain confidence or seek re-assurance in any way you feel you need to . It isn't an obligation to do things you feel unsure about.

Yes.

If I knew him and trusted him.

Same as for a female babysitter.

I can understand your caution, noonar.

I babysit, and if a family felt uncertain about me for any reason, I'd prefer they didn't ask me to babysit. So, if you're happier with a female babysitter, don't ask your mum's lodger.

I think you can see that not everyone shares your pov, but then they might not have reason to, iyswim.

thanks all.

actually, i asked him if he would babysit for us- and it didnt occur to me that he might be unsuitable in any way, but when i told mum, she said 'oh X asked me ages ago if you'd like help with babysitting, but i told him i thought you'd only have female sitters'. so...it was HER who made me feel uneasy. i guess she has some 'baggage'...

Yes if I knew him and it felt ok.

No, if ,even though I couldn,t put my finger on it it felt wrong.

Is this really a male thing or are you uneasy for intuitive reasons?

Either way ,go with someone you feel ok with rather than be embarassed into using them.

Its your time away from your child ,you should not spend it fretting about doing the right thing.

I do agree about not doing it if it doesnt feel right. There is no law that says you have to.

Yes, I have done when skiing - most of the babysitters were ski instructors during the day. DD had a ball with him as he talked her through all the stuff she needed to do in the next level up (which he taught).

DS thought it was really cool having a male babysitting - nice for him to see that looking after babies isn't necessarily womens' work!

the only slight concern i have , ironiaclly stems from stems from what i really like about him. he is very unconventional. very grungy, dreadlocks, very stinky, very open with the girls -if they say 'youre smelly, x' he'll say 'youre right, i am'. he's refeshingly honest and very playful and totally uninhibited in playing childish games.

i guess maybe this means that i there are some things about him that i dont totally 'get'. i really like him, but maybe i'm subconsciously a bit concerned about how he might handle a given situation in our absence.

'ironically'

YES