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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

nanny/mothers help getting some really basic things wrong - how to deal with this

27 replies

Tutter · 06/09/2007 12:28

to start with, the positives: she's easy-going, flexible and seems to enjoy spending time with ds1

but she's pretty slack on some things, and quite dippy

e.g. not thorough on nappy changes - leaves bits of poo - ds1 then gets sore. doesn't tighten lid on beaker - spills everywhere. forgets to wipe down table after meals. forgets to tidy up before going home. ironed dirty clothes!

i pick her up on things when i feel it's appropriate but don't want her to feel as though she's under constant scrutiny

should i just relax and think of the bigger picture, or would you expect her not get these types of thing wrong?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ConnorTraceptive · 06/09/2007 12:30

You're paying her so I would say it as reasonable to pull her up on these things especially the nappy change that's not good at all.

If your paying her to tidy before she leaves she should do it.

fluffyanimal · 06/09/2007 12:30

I would be very cross about the nappy business but could probably let the other stuff go.

fridayschild · 06/09/2007 12:47

is she new?

how about a review meeting? ask her how she thinks it's going, stress the positives and suggest areas for improvement

That way she feels valued, you don't get at her every 10 minutes and you remember to give the positive feedback too.

goldenoldie · 06/09/2007 18:42

Invite her out for supper - away from your home, to have a chat about how she is finding it. review meeting sounds formal and ominous.

start with positives and ask her for suggestions on areas for improvement. If she has any insight she will mention some of the areas you have mentioned and then you can both discuss solutions rather than focus on criticsm. Much better if she mentions areas for improvement too - means she has some understanding and will take some responsabilitu in making changes.

Tricey · 11/09/2007 13:10

Sounds completely reasonable to address all of these. It involves health and safety....and quite frankly, these are basic things and anyone filing a domestic helper position should be able to do all of these thoroughly.

Our nanny used to be thorough but has since gotten sloppy and lazy. It gets tiring having to constantly remind someone of things, etc., since you have them to help. So some things are not brought up all the time, but anything involving baby's well-being or health and safety always is.

Is English her first language?

MintyDixCharrington · 11/09/2007 13:13

tutter she sounds a bit crappy and if it is bugging you now it will bug you 50x more a month down the line, when it will be more difficult tto say anything because you've let it slide for too long IYSWIM

you need to have a chat. tell her that you think she is great because of x, y, and z, but you are a tidiness freak, and that several things are bothering you. Then give her the list you've put here - tidiness encompasses all of these things - so it seems like you are really only complaining about one thing - untidiness - rather than 5.

mind you I'm so fed up of not having a nanny at all I'll take her off your hands if you want to sack her

NAB3 · 11/09/2007 13:14

I would expect all the things she is getting wrong to be pretty basic and they need to be resolved. All except the table thing. I often forget to wipe it!

Furzella · 11/09/2007 13:15

Agree with friday's child - a review meeting where you can shape the conversation to make it positive but is also "formal" enough for her to take you seriously is much better than picking up individual issues all the time, which will only drive both of you nuts.

ProjectIcarusinhercar · 11/09/2007 13:26

So she is good at the fun bits and not so good at the basics?

Pull her up. Is it worth going over a written list of expectations again along the lines of so we both know what is expected?

eleusis · 11/09/2007 16:08

Hey Minty, how are you? I briefly caught a glimpse of a thread where a nasty migraine landed you in the hospital. Are you okay now? Have you been introduced to the wonderful world of triptans?

And how's the au pair? When does new nanny step in?

Tutter, Minty's advice to wrap it up as five examples of one complaint is good. This is her job, but then when you take on an inexperienced mother's help I think a bit of micromanagement is par for the course. (but not excessive repeated micromanagement on the same topic). "No shit on bum after nappy change" seems pretty understandable, even for the feeble minded.

MintyDixCharrington · 11/09/2007 19:09

hi eleusis!
not brilliant still - now have a permanent headache in my neck (if that makes sense), and also really tired all the time. doctor muttering about how it may not have been a migraine but maybe a viral encephalitis. I don't know, I just want to feel better! they've given me a packet of sumatriptan (?soemething liek that) but what I have now isn't a migraine so I haven't taken them.

american au pair was a superstar in every way - think of a superlative adjective and she was it. but she went back to california on saturday (boooo!) and the nanny I'd lined up to start last monday decided not to come after making me wait for her all summer (double booooooo yah sucks to her). So I'm back to square 1 and interviewing again. SO SO SO bored of it and now suddenly lacking confidence in my ability to choose a nanny who won't either be crap or let me down at the last minute!

well I think that is enough moaning for one post. everything OK with you?!

eleusis · 11/09/2007 22:14

Oh no. You are still in pain? That sounds horrible. I get migraine, but they are quite mild as migraines go and naratriptan is my friend (naratriptan is milderbut lasts longer than sumatriptan). I hope your probelm gets sorted very soon.

As for nanny, that's terrible. If I remember correctly you are looking for live out, which makes the hunt a bit more difficult. But, you are definately a good employer. I hope it wasn't my "hideous" questions that scared the nanny away.

MintyDixCharrington · 12/09/2007 12:36

no! she wasn't scared away exactly - she had just started a temporary job when i interviewed her, which is why I agreed to wait 8 weeks for her (the length of her temp position). But the temp family then offered her a full time job with same pay but lower hours than mine, and I guess she thought "better the devil you know".

Still bloody annoying though.

Pain comes and goes, I wish it would just GO though!

eleusis · 12/09/2007 13:50

So what have the doctors said? Have you been referred somewhere? I'm guessing you didn't get the NHS fob off since your mum is a GP and would presumably know how to ensure you don't get fobbed off.

But, surely someone should be doing something?

Good luck with the new nanny search. Do you have any interviews lined up? You know we are nosey round here and want to hear all about it.

Squiffy · 12/09/2007 14:54

Minty - someone was talking about having to let a fab nanny go a couple of days back.... no idea if they are live in/out but worth a shot. ... here

MintyDixCharrington · 12/09/2007 21:37

thanks squiff. there seem to be lots of nannies and not many full time jobs around here at the mo, so it is just a case of plowing through with the interviews and seeign what happens
saw a v nice girl this evening actually.
another is turning up at 10.00 tomorrow, another on Fri pm, another on Sunday morning. I never know whether to see them all or just say "right, you are fine, come and work for us". But the girl this evening has to give 4 weeks notice and some of the others are available quicker.

I just want somebody NOW!!!

Docs have basically said "well it isn't viral or bacterial meningitis, it isn't a brain haemorrage or tumour, could possibly be a viral encephalitus but with no fever probably not, so is probably a migraine". I can't fault the attention I was given at hospital, the ran all the right tests and I was seen by a consultant neurologist (and my lovely mother shot down the motorway so was there with me as they were doing everything. I was particularly relieved when she stuck her head around the curtain while my spinal fluid was dripping into a vial and said "ooooh! LOVELY looking CSF!" ). I guess it might just have been a wierd virus. I don't know! Feeling a little better this afternoon (but felt awful mid-morning). And people keep telling me I look like crap. Hey ho.

jura · 13/09/2007 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MintyDixCharrington · 13/09/2007 17:25

this morning's one was hopeless. I can honestly tell you more about her boyfriend than her. and when I said "do you have a clean driving licence" she just wittered on about how she used to drive a clio, but that had to go to the tip, and it was lucky that her boyfriend, who had a fiesta, was given a new company car (an astra), so she got the fiesta because it was a 1.6 and when he tried to sell it the people who came around to look at it were all young lads and they couldn't get the insurance on a 1.6 so he gave it to her. But what she REALLY wants is a NEW clio.....

AURGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH

nearly chopped my own head off at the thought of her being in the house with me for more than half an hour

eleusis · 13/09/2007 17:40

Oh nooooooooooo...

Even if you love the next one I think you should you should interview them all just so you hae a list to choose from if you hire one and she doesn't work out.

How's the head/neck?

PS My old nanny is available for hire if you can figure out a way to get her back in the country. She's Canadaian and left when her working holiday visa expired. She went to Turkey in July, and they are bad bad miserable employers. So she resigned last week. Poor thing wants soo bad to come back here.

She is stopping off at my place for a week on her way back to Canada in a couple of weeks.

I know you can't really help her. Just seems a pity I know one person who needs a nanny and one nanny who needs a job but can't put them together.

MintyDixCharrington · 13/09/2007 20:34

hi eleusis! well you know I'm always a sucker for a canadian.... but really don't want live in I'm afraid! Want a nice local girl.

Head/neck was behaving very well until pick up time at school - could hardly concentrate on conversations at the school gates (and typically there were loads of people wanting a long chat and I just wanted to lie down on the grass with my eyes shut). Managed to drive home and then took some paracetamol and lay down on the sofa for half an hour watching the children make a godalmighty mess, and I've been a bit better since then. Really want to go to bed but haven't seen my husband since tuesday am and would like to stay up until he gets here - not until 9.30 though so not sure if I'll manage it!

eleusis · 14/09/2007 07:54

Oh Minty, I do sympathise. Headaches are horrible. I find that the more of them I get the lowerer my pain threshhold goes.

Have you tried taking a sumatriptan just to see if it does anything for the pain? How long has it been? A couple of weeks? I think I'd get my hands on something stronger than paracetemol.

Original poster

Tutter · 14/09/2007 08:07

thanks for th tips eveyone

and sorry to hear about bad head/neck pph

now get the bleedin hell off me thread you two

have a review meeting planned with nanny today

have long list of positives, then just 3 areas for improvement - nappies, safety with knives (a new one!) and tidiness (as a general heading, as suggested by some of you)

OP posts:

laura032004 · 14/09/2007 08:22

Just on the headache front - are you taking ibuprofen as well as the paracetamol? That will help if it's a migraine. Paracetamol with codeine in is good too, but constipating if you take it for too long. Migraines are horrible, so you have my sympathies. I also find the cool strips or 4head (a menthol stick you rub on your head) give a bit of relief. Those cherry stone or wheat bags that you can cool or heat also help.

eleusis · 14/09/2007 09:20

Cherry stone or wheat bags?

I'm afraid tutter that your thread is now well and truly hijacked.

laura032004 · 14/09/2007 09:46

They're bags either full of cherry stones or I think my other one is full of wheat and lavender. You can either microwave them or freeze them. I think mine were from Dunelm. Swear by them, and lots safer for kids than hot water bottles

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