How gormless should I let my au pair be?

[curiouscat]

Sorry if I sound a complete bitch, but I'm at my wits end. I'm fed up with our au pair and don't know whether to leave work because of it or replace her.

Her job is taking 3 kids to school, and after school care so 8-9am and 3-7pm. She gets full board and lodging and £80 per week, rising to £200 per week in school holidays. We live West London.

I've bent over backwards to give her paid days off and keep her happy.

She's cheerful and friendly but

1. lazy with children. Just watches telly with them unless booted out of the house. Took son,9, swimming and made him time her laps instead of playing with him at all. Bribes kids with sweets when thinks I won't notice.

2. messy. Doesn't put away their coats/shoes/toys so I do this in the evenings.

3. can't cook. I've shown her simple meals but kids are sick of fish fingers every day and I'm sick of throwing fresh food away as she hasn't given it to them.

4. can't help with homework. simple spelling lists are beyond her.

5. forgets their book bags/pe kit etc.

She's 19 from Slovakia, has boyf in Ealing, really independent evenings and weekends. Kids are age 5,7 and 9.

Am I just lucky to have her for that price or can I reasonably ask her to improve?

3 months is long enough to settle in. Sad to say, but it looks like this is just the way she is. Agree with hurlyburley, it will only get worse. She is not cut out to be an au-pair or is just a lazy moo, either way it does not help you.
Nexty time go for an experienmced au-pair, one that has been with another UK family who you can ask directly about their experience. I would also not choose anyone less than 24/25 in the hope of a little more maturity.
doubt you will get one who can help with homework unless english is a first lang.

curiouscat, the ymca run some excellent afterschool clubs in West London. When we lived in London, my ds attended one at West Acton Primary and it certainly was more stimulating than the scenario that you are describing. Not to mention that my kids love after school club.
Also, it seems to me that you are expecting an awful lot from a 19 year old in a strange country. (I was a bright motivated university student at 19 and I don't think I could have handled sole charge of 3 kids, plus cooking, tidying and inspired play). Perhaps you really need a nanny rather than an au pair.

Get rid and replace.

We've had au-pairs that have poisoned us and au-pairs that have driven our car into through a hedge into the farmers field, and even au-pairs that have chased our male friends. All of that forgivable, but an au-pair that isn't running round with the kids and giving them cuddles and caring for them is not forgivable. Experience and culture nothing to do with the fundamental problem here - this is an au-pair that doesn't seem to like children.

The salary you are paying is OK, so just call it beginners lack of luck and try again.

FWIW the swimming think was the biggest shocker for me.

Yes SofiaA, I agree maybe I need a nanny but they usually want longer hours than I'm offering.

She's affectionate with the children, has siblings the age of dc1. Yesterday she dealt brilliantly with a fight between dc1 and 2. I'm beginning to gain confidence in her again - things are easier now term has started.

hope it gets better. It should be easier in term time as you expect less of her, but I suspect she will just try to do the absolute minimum.
good luck

My au pair never turns on the TV, and does loads of fun things with the kids. She's 20. She's fun actually. You could definitely find a better one. The pay is fine.

But, as with anyone who works for you, you have to tell them exactly what you're expecting, especially when they're young. Otherwise there's no reason at all to think they'll do what you ask. I was a lousy au pair once, but looking back, if the mother had given me precise instructions I would have been great. So it's at least 1/2 your fault if you haven't told her.

Whats bugging me about these responces is the assumption that the girl is gormless due only to her age. at 19 I was travelling two hours a day to college and working most nights and every weekend in a shop in newquay town centre (ever been there after dark?). I'd have been embarrased to behave this way! I've met and had work for me responcible, competant (some foreign) teenagers and had some arseholes, from a girl who fell asleep on the loo to one who disapeared in work hours into a room with a KP in the staff block (hotel). I just mean please dont excuse someone due to age.

Cheerful and friendly is good. Perhaps she needs task lists to guide her through the day.

No au pair is perfect...

I always choose younger aupairs, MightyMoosh

I like girls who are on a gap year between school and university - ie clever and ambitious, and also adaptable to our ways.

I don't expect them to be automatically better at certain things than me, but I expect them to try to do as I ask. I view them as a younger version of me, and hope that they are less slatternly

At 19 she should definitely be able to play with the children - even if you have to suggest activities she can play board games with them, take them to the park, do arts&crafts stuff...

The messiness/cooking thing has to be taught. I'll admit when I started (aged 18) as a sole charge nanny I couldn't iron. My employer taught me how. I learnt. It's perfectly possible. Get her to encourage your kids to help with the tidying, it gets them into good habits too, and cut out recipes from the Asda/Sainsbury/Tesco magazine for her. They usually have something kids will like. As for the forgetting a list/schedule is the only way forwards on that. Try enlisting the children's help too - it will teach them responsibility!

Sit down with her, give her a month to improve, and if she doesn't then get rid. That way you're being perfectly reasonable. At the end of the day it depends what you want an au pair to be doing and if the current one isn't up to scratch then you either live with her not doing what you want or getting a new one and that's something only you can decide.