Childcare shock

[LittleFonzy]

Hi. Totally brand new to the forum. Please bear with me, as I can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes.

My partner and I are expecting a baby this December and like to be as organised as we can.

We both have very average salaries and have just been researching the cost of childcare and frightened ourselves to death.

By the looks of things, the childcare would take about 70% plus of my partners salary if she goes back to work. This is for a registered nursery.

Looking at our finances we have always run a relatively tight ship, and aren't extravagant with clothes, holdiays or monthly entertainment, but we would be certainly losing money each month with these figures.

So, I guess the question is, what are we missing or what should we be thinking about? Do any members have any words of wisdom? Things to think about? Articles/books we should read?

Thank you for any help.

It is expensive, we have twins so would have to pay x 2. Because of this I haven’t been able to go back to work.

Childminder worked for us. I didn't need the full day of a nursery so we just paid for the hours we used. It is really expensive - we had two years when both of us were in child care and it could cost £1k a month.

*But seeing it as a joint expense doesn't magically add money to the equation. It's a pointless "feminist" dig that doesn't help anyone.

Also in the real world not everyone has a job that offers career progression.*

Having just come out the other side the biggest loss that women don’t consider when saying “my salary doesn’t cover childcare” is pension.

In hindsight i would also add pension contributions to the calculations. The “household income” should be high enough to contribute to a sipp or similar for the sahm.

I am now of an age where many male colleagues are retiring on full pension. My female associates are looking at not being able to retire for much longer if they went PT, and even longer if the took a chink of time off.

Seeing childcare as a joint expense means the household income still needs to cover joint expenses like pensions. Having one party just give up work to save childcare isn’t as economical as it seems.

If it is financially not much better to have your partner back at work it isn't so terrible taking time off to be with the baby.
I'm a SAHM to a toddler and it's great. It's a couple of years of her career so personally I think that being able to have the baby's first few years home with mum is more valuable.
Everyone is different but I can't see why so many people are reluctant to stay home.

To those of us criticising this new poster referring to childcare coming from the partners salary;
There's no indication of the OP's gender in the post, we could be discussing two women expecting a child.
Does that make a difference to the way we are thinking?

Can’t speak for others but my point is the same regardless of either sex. The figure is coming out of both salaries.

Check your benefits, you might be able to claim back some of your childcare costs

It's a joint cost
Look into tax free childcare
Think long term. Yes it's expensive but it's not for long.

"Everyone is different but I can't see why so many people are reluctant to stay home."

Because everyone is different!

I was much happier after going back to work - part time so I feel I've got the best of both worlds.

“Everyone is different but I can't see why so many people are reluctant to stay home.”

@Surfskatefamily I would assume from OP that they need both parents salary now to meet bills, so staying at home might be difficult to manage. As might meeting childcare costs

If that’s the case OP you really did fuck up not planning this properly. But you’ll work something out, everyone does

@Thump it’s been about 2 years since I had my hair cut! I was including highlighting time (which again doesn’t happen often any more, and would cost considerable more than £40 😂)... so definitely not a prize poodle, just that neglected that I can’t remember what being in a hair dresser is like 🙈

When I went back to work 16 years ago, the nursery costs plus commute costs took my entire salary. For almost a year I was basically working for nothing.

Then I got a promotion, and another....

8 years later we were able to afford school fees.

A few years later, after a divorce, I was able to get a mortgage on my own.

I'm so pleased I went back to work

"Everyone is different but I can't see why so many people are reluctant to stay home

Here's a few reasons:
Not everyone wants to be a SAHP
Some people enjoy working
Pension
Career progression
Money

We made it work by me changing to compressed hours - 4 longer day’s per week instead of 5 slightly shorter ones, saving a day’s nursery fees. We also rely on tax free childcare. Google it and apply via the gov.uk website. As long as you each earn less than £100k per year and over a certain threshold (possibly £120 per week although I’m not sure) and (if I remember rightly) don’t claim anything else other than child benefit, then you’ll be entitled to 20% of your fees paid by the government.

Also, remember it’s also only for a few years - there’s 30 hours free from the age of 3.

FraterculaArctica by dropping to 4 days a week PP’s will mean compressed hours - so similar amount of hours per week but over less days so same wage but saving a days childcare.

I don’t think we all need to leap on the OP for the “70% of my partner’s salary” wording. I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean the partner will be paying for it themselves and left with 30% of their wage. When DH and I discussed the plan for after mat leave we thought about the childcare costs in comparison to my salary as I’m the one with more flexibility for part time so it would be me dropping hours and therefore my salary that would change. We also looked at DH leaving work and being a SAHD as he at the time was earning less - we than compared childcare cost to his salary. Obviously it’s family money and wouldn’t just cost me or him either way, but surely that’s the simplest way of looking at it?

Everyone is different but I can't see why so many people are reluctant to stay home.

Staying at home after my second baby ( I went back to work after first) sent me into the most crippling depression. My life literally fell apart. That baby is now 10 and I’m still not back to the person I was before. Either mentally or financially. If I were ever to have another child I would be going back to work ASAP.

I don't see my partner due to trying to minamise costs. I work full. Time compressed hours and he is self employed.
Baby still goes to a childminder but for 1 day only but even that is the equiviilent of a car payment a month!

Yup it's a fortune
Tax free childcare does help too

Surfskatefamily I agree that if there’s not a huge amount of difference financially then it absolutely isn’t terrible to stay at home, and of course the OP and partner could consider it as an option.

However, I decided not too and it wasn’t as simple as being ‘reluctant’ to stay at home. We both enjoy our jobs, worked hard to get where we are and have lots of potential for progression. We enjoy our standard of living - nice house on the beach which DD plays on most nights, with the money to give her plenty of experiences and hopefully the means to help her out financially when she’s older. If one of us had decided to stay at home we are lucky enough that we could have got by, but we would have had to sell up and made sacrifices and struggled. Plus our parents both worked when we were growing up and neither of us were bothered by this as children. We decided that both continuing to work was best for us as a family. Others choose to make those sacrifices and one parent stay at home. There are benefits to that too and I admire those that do. Surely you can see it’s about weighing up what’s best for each family. Not sure what you don’t understand about it. Please don’t imply it’s as simple as ‘reluctance’ to be at home with D.C, and remember some people aren’t as lucky and simply genuinely don’t have any option but to work.

Yes childcare is very expensive and is even more expensive mentally on both parent and child. I briefly returned to work when my son was 10mths old and it was horrific! Some months we broke even with my salary covering the nursery fees and others we owed over my income in fees. Mentally though being separated from my child meant I couldn't sleep, couldn't stop crying, couldn't concentrate and was generally useless till the moment I had him back. Also it's exhausting balancing work with bf as babies need bf till two years and they tend to store it up till you get home (it's also awkward expressing at work).

I'd consider one of you taking at least the first two years off work as it's better for parent and child as well as knowing you have the best interests at heart. Nurseries are a minefield and they don't do regular video/photo updates for you because they have lots of kids sometimes.

@Craptop actually we took all childcare costs from my income because it was my choice to go to work. My DH was already at work and didn't take leave so it was my return that changed things and requires childcare.

magpie you do realise but everyone can afford for one parent to take 2 years off work....both short term and long term.

Plus not everyone wants to give up work as it does have a detrimental effect on career progression.

There are huge benefits to nursery. Good quality childcare can be beneficial. Good quality being the key here.

"Also it's exhausting balancing work with bf as babies need bf till two years and they tend to store it up till you get home (it's also awkward expressing at work)."

I managed to work and breastfeed DS until after he turned 2, and we were both fine.

magpie but having children was surely a joint decision. You should not be solely responsible for childcare costs.

Ooh I had the complete opposite experience to you magpiecounter. I was totally exhausted at the end of mat leave and felt like a new person when I went back to work! I had time to think and valued my time with DD much more. Also breastfed until just under 2 and had no issues at all when I went back when DD was 10 months, just a lovely long feed to reconnect when I got home. She loved her solid food by then thoughand wasn’t feeding much through the day anyway so that made it easier. I agree it is hard to leave them at first but I knew it was right for us so it got easier quickly, whereas it obviously wasn’t right for you so didn’t. Really proves the point that is such a personal choice and what is best for one is wrong for the other. Oh, and you said what I was trying to say earlier about taking the childcare from one salary much better and more succinctly than I did!

Yes childcare is expensive - you are paying for the most precious thing in the world to be cared for, that costs money.

It may seem cheaper to have your partner not go back to work but it can be a false economy - it costs far, far more in the long run because with even as little as 3 years out of the workplace the next 30+ years of potential earning power take an enormous nose dive.

That's not to say that it's always a bad idea - for many families having a sahp is the right choice but don't mistakenly think it's a cheaper option - it is not.

Look into childminders, that can sometimes be a bit cheaper than a nursery, but if the cheapest option isn't the right thing for your child you just have to bite the bullet, find ways to live ultra-frugally, allow yourselves to go a little into debt if you can, and wait for the funded hours to kick in come January 2023. And don't conceive a second baby till you can afford the double-whammy.

OK SAHM bashing time.... Just trying to reassure OP that partner staying home is not an awful option. As I said each to your own..... Still means my own opinion is just as valid 🙄