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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

expectation of childminders.

26 replies

FunnyMummy192 · 11/07/2019 14:45

Hi, I look after a girl who is 4 and comes to me all day Monday- Friday (7am-5pm). She isn’t potty trained and still wears nappies, it has gotten to the point where I am so fed up now of having to change her messy nappies that I am thinking of asking her to not go anymore. I have looked after the child since she was 2 and we have discussed potty training and she said that’s she would take a week of and do it, every time I approach her she says it’s not a good time to talk and dashes off. What do people think?

OP posts:
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MyDcAreMarvel · 11/07/2019 14:47

That you are an awful childminder and the little girl would be better off elsewhere.

FunnyMummy192 · 11/07/2019 14:49

Why am I awful, I get late payments, she is always late to pick her daughter, doesn’t supply her own wipes or nappy sacks, and I have 5 other kids to look after 2 of them being under 2.

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Pipandmum · 11/07/2019 14:51

Doesn’t she have to be trained before she starts school? Unless there’s a physical or other reason for delaying it if it was me I’d ask the girl if she knew when she needed to wee or poo. If she said yes I’d say do you want to stop wearing a nappy? Or just start asking her at intervals if she needs the toilet.
But I bet everyone will say it’s not your business, though frankly as you are the one changing her it is. If you don’t feel comfortable tell the mother you can’t take her anymore.

RoseMartha · 11/07/2019 14:53

Can you suggest to the mum you work together with it. That if she starts it you are happy to encourage her dd to use potty or toilet. Maybe the mum has no idea how to start it.

FunnyMummy192 · 11/07/2019 14:53

There is no physical reason as I have asked her Mum before, she keeps telling me she is going to do it but never does. She has to be trained before she starts school and I have reminded her before and she doesn’t seem to care.

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FunnyMummy192 · 11/07/2019 14:55

I will talk to her tomorrow and get a plan in place or ask her to not come back. I feel sorry for the poor girl too as I have a 3yr old girl who is dry. I know you can’t compare from child to child but I do feel sorry.

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sillysmiles · 11/07/2019 14:55

At 4 years of age I think you are within you rights to tell the mum she either starts toilet training her child or she finds another childminder.

Elpheba · 11/07/2019 14:58

Can’t you train her? If she’s with you the majority of the time and she’s 4 it hopefully wouldn’t take too long!

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 11/07/2019 15:07

I don't understand why you also haven't started her off? I get it isn't solely your responsibility but the child is with you most Of the time? I'm horrified and also questioning your childminding skills That you haven't at least started talking to her about it and also showing her the basic skills when she's with you

Coffeeonthesofa · 11/07/2019 15:08

Can you offer to work with the mum, if the child is with you Mon to Friday all day, and there is another child to copy while at yours.
Maybe mum doesn’t know where to start, but if you have a plan and work together it wouldn’t take long.
You would be helping that 4 year old so much ( and making your life easier as a bonus).
The two primary schools closest to us are pretty insistent that children are out of nappies/ pull-ups by the time they start school. Unless they have a doctor’s letter of course. I’m surprised mum isn’t aware of this expectation, as it’s usually mentioned at the pre school visit.

BobbieBrewster · 11/07/2019 15:13

When my son was in nursery (similar hours to this) we worked together on potty training. He was 2-2.5. It was great for me as an inexperienced mum to have that support Sorry, but I am really surprised you haven't had this conversation before.

itsaboojum · 11/07/2019 21:47

Before questioning the OP's childminding skills or accusing her of 'not having the conversation', it would be good to read the thread properly.

".....we have discussed potty training and [mum] said she would take a week off and do it"

".....every time I approach her she says it’s not a good time to talk and she dashes off."

It could not be any clearer that it's the mother, not the childminder, who is being constantly evasive and obstructive about potty training.

itsaboojum · 11/07/2019 21:57

FunnyMummy192

I think you’ve reached the point where any further conversation with the mum need to centre on agreeing a deadline. I’d go so far as to suggest an ultimatum might not be unreasonable.

In the absence of a medical reason to the contrary, this poor girl needs to be secure in her toileting before she starts school, or she’ll be disadvantaged and possibly subjected to all kinds of unpleasantness.

Unfair as it is, the playground gossips will blame you for that, never mind the fact that it’s her mum who is being so negligent. Moreover, there are Ofsted inspectors out there who will always blame the childcare provider for this sort of thing, no matter how much you’ve been banging your head against a wall trying to get mum to take some responsibility (in the same way that schools get blamed for poor attendance, when it’s down to the parents to get their children to attend.)

Fatted · 11/07/2019 22:04

Have you got any time off coming up soon? Force her hand and make her take the week off with her DC. It sounds like there are other issues anyway if there are late payments etc.

My old childminder did try to push my DS to potty train when I wasn't ready. But he was only 2 at the time. We agreed on a compromise of pull ups so she could at least take him to the loo with the others.

I agree with others, if she isn't willing to work with you, agree a deadline and if not dry by then, then she has to find someone else.

jannier · 12/07/2019 09:39

It is not a settings role to start potty training, they should work with parents to agree a time to start it.....but if the parent wont it is bad parenting.

I hope your recording all conversations.

I would suggest using pull ups and allowing opportunities for child to sit on the toilet, at 4 no way would I go near a potty. I would ask parent to buy pants and use under the pull ups and be sending every dirty pair home. Normally like you I expect the parent to start and I continue so I would be telling parent that I am writing a record of concern that by not potty training where there is no need it is a form of neglect, which it is.

itsaboojum · 12/07/2019 15:24

Yes, you should be recording the fact that you've encouraged mum to start toilet training, together with her obstructive responses. Also that she is consistently failing to provide the essential wipes, etc. You never know what else might come up at a later date.

This gives you some small degree of cover to show Ofsted that you have tried. But I still think you nee£ to make sure mum takes action or leaves. Otherwise this can come back to bite you through no fault of your own.

If mum is genuinely struggling and lacks the parenting skills, you need to arrange a referral to the health visitor or children’s centre for some advice and/or more formal parenting classes.

itsaboojum · 12/07/2019 15:40

Taken together with the other issues (late collections, late payments, expecting you to supply basic essentials such as wipes, etc.) the overall impression is that mum is just taking advantage of you.

You can fix a lot of this in one go with an immediate contract review.

Add an extra hour to the booked time and charge for it, at antisocial hours rate if necessary. Bear in mind, many nurseries impose a minimum £20 surcharge on parents who are 5 minutes late. If she’s collecting late regularly, then she needs that time and must pay for it.

Late payments should attract an immediate £20 penalty fee. It’s difficult to add a daily charge or proper percentage for late payments. The ultimate deterrent, and well within your rights, is to refuse care until the bill is paid, and still charge for any days missed as a consequence. But this can sometimes backfire on you. One alternative is to increase her basic hourly rate, and then give a credit if she pays on time as an incentive. A lot of small businesses do this simple measure, but it seems surprisingly rare to find a childcare business following such a simple practice.

Introduce and apply charges for consumables when she doesn’t supply whatever is agreed in the contract.

Make sure your contract is clear and tight. Standard contract stationery, such as that sold by Pacey covers all these points so long as you fill it in diligently.

FunnyMummy192 · 13/07/2019 11:31

Hi, sorry all for the late reply. I sat down with her yesterday evening, and I have said that she needs to be trained before she goes to school and that I can help her and do the majority of it but I need to make sure you are reinforcing it your end when she’s not at nursery. On Monday she is going to arrive in pull ups and with lots of changes of clothes and pants and I am going to assist in potty training her. I have also asked for the payments she has owed me on Monday if these aren’t payed Monday her daughter won’t be coming anymore. Thanks to all the posters and I will be back with an update.

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Coffeeonthesofa · 13/07/2019 20:16

It sounds like you have handled this in a very positive way, I hope the mum realises how lucky she is to have your support.
Well done for standing you ground on the payments as well, you are trying to support your own family by childminding as a job, enabling other parents to go out to work to support their families.
I’m sure they wouldn’t go to work if they were not being paid as agreed.

Cadence09 · 16/07/2019 19:14

I am a childminder and I would pull parents in for a meeting not just chat to her on the door or send her a polite letter, I also wouldn't just leave her in nappies and tell her no to go, I would help her, as a full time childminder it's also your responsible to help out, I have a sticker chart and goody box to help them out, of course it's also the parents responsibility to help and encourage her do potty train. If your not happy then I would give notice but also then state in your policy and procedures that you do not potty train children and they have the fully responsibility

TeachesOfPeaches · 16/07/2019 19:24

I worked together with my childminder and nursery to get my son completely dry. He was 3 so didn't take long at all.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/07/2019 17:06

So what happened

Did mum pay or did you turn away child on Monday

Are you still Having this girl in sept once at school ? Or is she leaving Aug

I’ve been in childcare almost 30yrs as a nanny and now maternity night nanny - tbh it often goes on the chikdcarer to start pt and parents carry it on

Often as tbh parents esp first time ones don’t know how To pt

jannier · 17/07/2019 21:25

Blondshavemorefun.....I think if your a nanny it does typically fall on you because the parent employs you to care for their child in their home if they day go to x you go there if they say take to dentist etc you do. Similarly it's normal to do washing ironing for child. Other settings have different duty...to meet the needs of all and to meet welfare requirements so if parent wanted to train by bare bum you couldn't etc. As a childminder you cant always stay in for a week because this is the week parents decide it's very different so most will have policies saying that parents must at least start over a few days after mutual agreement that now is the time.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/07/2019 21:30

I never stay in when pt. tbh easier to be out at usual activities and take potty

My friends cm started pt to which my friend carried it on

jannier · 17/07/2019 21:41

You cant be out on a school run then go to toddler group the very first day of potty training. Let alone if you have more than 1 training and 2 school runs and a nursery pick up.

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