Childminder, please help! What did she mean by this?

[BlueberrySea]

I'm looking for some insight from any childminders who might be able to give me a steer on this...

My DD (just turned one) started with a CM this week - Monday and Tuesday mornings. She will be going three days a week. CM is very experienced, Ofsted outstanding at 2 last inspections, and I think very nice.

DD was upset both mornings - to be expected - but when I collected her on Tuesday, CM said 'she was crying on and off, but it was just crocodile tears, so I just ignored and she got the message'.

Is this really as bad as it sounds, or am I reading too much into it? Did she actually mean - she was sad but no tears, so I just carried on as normal and distracted her?

For context - very anxious first time mum, 13 months Mat Leave, we practice gentle parenting. I am finding the transition back to work and DD into childcare very difficult! I don't want to alienate CM but am quite worried about this.

Thank you x

I ask parents to talk to me about any concerns. It's always best to get them out in the open and solve any problems immediately. Don't worry about being that mum.

I would talk to the childminder. Young children do sometimes cry when they’re not really upset - it’s their way of talking - and I would understand that the childminder ignored the tears rather than your child, but would have comforted if they persisted.

I used to care for a child around this age who would cry at drop off until the minute her mum had gone, be perfectly happy all day until about 10 minutes before home time, then start crying again!
I never worked out how she knew her mum was on her way, but she did!

I knew she wasn’t really upset because she would instantly stop the moment her mum had gone out of the door in the morning. Had she been upset, I’d have cuddled and comforted her instead of distracting and jollying her along.

She did the same when she started nursery and then school and they jollied her out of it, too, unless there was a reason for it. By the time she started secondary, she’d outgrown it. These days, she laughs with me about it

Incidentally, if your chat reveals that the childminder did indeed mean exactly your interpretation and she completely ignored your distressed child, I’d have her out of there and into another setting fast!
A good childminder will not mind you asking.

I am a childminder and until recently looked after a little one (1yo) would screw up her face and 'fake' cry, no tears, and it was hilarious. She is the sweetest little thing. Some children do it.

Give it a little while and see how you feel about the childminder

I don’t think she meant she ignored your child. I think she means ignore the tears and carry on playing etc.

I think thats an acceptable approach.