Single Parent - would an an pair work for a 14 year old?

[Newhouse76]

Sadly my husband and I are separating soon. I’m moving 20 miles to be closer to DDs school.

Ex does not wish to see DD (who is his stepchild). Her father moved back to his home country when she was young so she does not see him at all - I mention this as context to explain that DD will be with me full time.

I’ll need to leave home around 7am to travel into the City and will return around 7pm. I don’t mind DD being on her own after school but feel sad at the thought of her waking herself up in the morning and getting herself to school

Would an au pair work for a teenager? There isn’t any childcare involved as such other than in the morning and half an hour in the evening. Could I ask the au pair to do some jobs around the house instead such as the ironing and some errands ir would that normally be frowned upon?

Probably a private school What's - lots of kids travel further than that to a private school.

Lots of rural kids travel that far too, bro state secondary school, but clearly that doesn't apply here.

Come to the countryside- 20 miles was my journey to school and that was quite a lot less than a lot of people had.

I get that it’s different when you’re not rural though.

Hi, OP- I have similar home situation, but not the ££ to afford the au pair option. Much of the time, work (who have always supported me) are flexible, but early starts are possible, thanks to phones, I can text my daughter to check up on progress, she meets other school children en route to walk with, and its a fairly 'safe' route. I like doing 'Mum' stuff, taking to activities after school etc - they are mainly community based, and have helped me integrate too. I think she would love an au pair for the company, and support of someone closer to her age, and there are work meetings I miss out on, because overnight stays are impossible.

Thanks everyone for your lovely posts and suggestions.

Honestly the kindness of strangers has made me cry 😭!

Will get through this, it feels very daunting as we have no other family in London, and Work has taken up so much of time that I don’t know the mums from school. They seem very ‘Surrey’ and swishy haired and ‘married with children’ (private school) that I’m so terrified of moving but this best for DD.

The graduate student also seems like a great idea - where would go about finding one of these? I wouldn’t want to post on spareroom. Co.uk that I have a child I will be leaving at home that needs oversight as that might attract the wrong sort of interest

What about contacting the local university?

Im sure that student services are pretty much always looking for altertive accomadation for graduate and mature students that wouldn't get a place in halls/ want to live in a "student house"

Where in london/surrey will you be living maybe some one can advice which unis would be best to contact

Morning lovely,
Sorry about your separation. My sister did this for a few years for a Surrey /London based family. 7-9 and then 330-7, she was on a postgraduate research program and went into the office 930-3 daily.
It worked really well, she was on au pair world and yoopies!

If you’re struggling initially and are close enough to me I would be more than happy to batch cook for you and DD or pop in at 730 when I go to work and 430 when I come back
Good luck and lots of love!

Thanks so much everyone - Penisbeaker that’s so thoughtful and lovely, thank you hopefully I will have something in place soon

I haven’t finalised exactly where we willl he moving but it will be either Warlingham or Oxted.

The university is in Guildford which is quite far away, i wasn’t sure if students would live away from home for Croydon College etc

Pls let me know if you have any suggestions

OP, I agree that you would be better off having a student lodge with you rather than an au pair. I have hosted international students and it works very well as they are independent and get on with their own life.

I don’t think you could get away with asking either a student or an au pair “to work for a teenager”. All you need is a responsible adult in the house.

I agree an au pair might find that a bit weird. In zone two you won't have any difficulty taking your pick from responsible adults, if the rent seems a good deal.

oh sorry, I see you're moving from zone 2.

I think she's too old. When was 14 I was babysitting other people's children, often for the whole day. When I was at home my mum was always there and I always wished she wasn't. I think it's good for children to have some independence from 12 upwards, it's character building.

Could you employ a cleaner type person who would work for a couple of hours in the morning - do laundry, cleaning etc, that way it’s not ‘obvious’ babysitting for your DD but there’s an adult in the house for her? A retired lady would be ideal and your DD would probs lt be less embarrassed having her responsible for her than someone closer to her own age?

If you can afford it, and really don't want to leave DD, I would be going through a domestic agency who would be able to tell you how likely you are to get someone (you could pay someone to clea/housekeep and be around for DD?) Is there a flexi boarding option at her school? Does she have one friend in either village whose Mum would be emergency back up?

Would weekly boarding be an option for your DD?

And sorry for questioning how far you lived from the school! Private schools are NOT my area of expertise! 😂 Here, I'd be horrified if I had to travel more than 0.5 miles to do the school run. But then, I'm really lazy.

On a more positive note... I lived in Surrey among the swishy-haired clan for 12 years and I absolutely loved it. I made loads of friends. Those mums seem swishy on the outside but they're still lovely, genuine people on the inside (mostly) and I loved every minute. We lived in Surbiton which was full of au pairs who lived the easy commute into London, plus there's Kingston university.

Good luck!

Could you get an au pair who speaks the MFL your dd is learning so they could do some more structured language teaching? Might help to give some structure to the evening.

That’s a good idea.

Aww thanks WhatsGoingOn - it’s lovely to hear about your Surrey experience!!

Some very good ideas here, thank you

DD could flexi board and we did try this in London however she prefers to be home

I have sent you a message.

You can get au pairs in their mid 20s - that could work well. Alternatively advertise for a retired lady to do a couple of hours a day (either morning or evening) on a live out basis.

I knew someone who offered cheap board to a student in exchange for a bit of company for her daughter. It worked well for her.

An aupair could work but I would look for one who is happy to do a fair amount of housework and can take in your shopping, do the washing, a bit of cooking as well as being there for your DD and is in her 20’s.

Alternatively I would look for an after school help which is what I have. I have a lady in her 50’s with grown up children who is happy to make dinner, do some odd jobs and to be a bit of an aunty.