Adult siblings during school holidays

[Trivet]

If you have a SAHM sibling who is able to take your dc for a week at a time during the school holidays, should you ask, or wait for them to offer?

A whole week? My sister is a teacher and off during Summer but even when mine were young I wouldn't have asked her to take them off me for an entire week.

Coming from the siblings perspective- I was a sahm because I couldnt afford childcare and gave up my career. My consolation was getting one to one time with my dc and doing what we want. An emergency fine, but childcare? Nope. Sorry op. I just don't get why people don't think about all this when they go back to work.

I think a whole week of days and nights is a bit cheeky tbh.

Presumably the SAHM sibling knows that the other person works and on that basis I would think that they would offer if they wanted to help out . I also think that if you live too far away for it to be just day care that it’s a bit too much to expect more than a couple of days / nights .

The SAHM probably isn't being a dick, it probably just hasn't even occurred to her.

I'm about to go back to work after being a SAHM for 5 years. I've given up a career I worked very hard for to take a minimum wage job which is term time only, for precisely the issue of sorting holiday childcare.

If you're struggling, just ask. But be prepared for them to say no, and if you'd be offended by that, I'd say don't ask in the first place.

Are these your siblings?

WOHM should ask and not take the huff if the answer is no.

That is a lot to ask though and I would suggest that if their relationship is one where just the question is enough of an issue that someone is starting a thread about it on here then it's probably not the sort of relationship where providing childcare for 4 nights at a go is likely.

Surely they can just ask one another.
It's going to depend on all sorts of things - including the ages of the dc, the personalities of the dc, what is being offered 'in exchange' etc. Plus, if it means they have to stay at home as now more kids than can fit in the car, etc.etc.

Growing up, cousins would often come and stay with us for a week or more, or we would go there. Parents said it was easier (once we got over a certain age) as we sort of entertained each other / it broke the holiday up / as kids we felt we were getting a treat / etc.

However, I'm not sure I'd want to either leave my dc with, nor look after the dc of, someone who couldn't just pick up the phone and have a chat. Including a chat about expectations etc.

Sorry but I think it's too much of an ask. I'm a teacher and have the holidays, but I don't look after other people's children during this time, as my time for my children, my friends and my social life term time is incredibly limited, so I make up for it in the holidays with lots of days out etc...

Unless the children are the same age / gender as mine, I have found there's lots of fighting with my DC wanting to play with one child, and then one child or another gets left out.

Then there's the fact that the children play and make a mess of the house and seem to create a whole lot more mess. For example, if it's just my two they'll play together (one set of mess), but if it's two children, they'll go off in pairs and leave two sets of mess. And when it's just mine, they know they have to fully clean their rooms, so they tend to get less stuff out, But other people's children tend not to care about this and generally are not very good at tidying up after themselves (unless you really nag them, and I don't want to be doing that during my holidays) so that ends up creating a whole lot more work to deal with.

Finally, I like to have lots of days out, but with 4 that quickly gets expensive. I will often meet up with friends and their children most days of the holidays. Again, bringing in extra children to these friendships can be a pain (esp if the children are not the same age / gender as yours) with children getting left out. And then paying for x4 entrance fees and x4 ice creams racks up. I can't afford to pay for other people's kids, but I save up so we tend to do something most days of the holiday. But just a simple trip to the trampoline park for an hour + lunch + slushie and snack will easily cost £25 per child - and that's not even the whole day. Is the parent going to pay this?? You can get child care cheaper than that at some places.

So no, I wouldn't. I've had people expect it of me in the past, and now I just refuse. I also think a whole week and overnight care is cheeky too. That's asking too much imho.

Ah yes, SAHMs, lazy bitches should pull their finger out to further everyone else’s careers at their expense.

A whole week incl overnight is a pisstake, especially if you haven’t done any favours for her.

Growing up, cousins would often come and stay with us for a week or more, or we would go there. Parents said it was easier (once we got over a certain age) as we sort of entertained each other / it broke the holiday up / as kids we felt we were getting a treat / etc.

Same here.

I think perhaps ask for one day or two. I looked after my sisters kids two days a week plus my own for several years and to be honest that was enough.

Wow, I would find it really limiting to have someone else’s child. I can’t do certain activities we like to do if we have other children as, I can’t supervise enough, or they don’t have the skills or equipment. So while I am more than happy to help people out with a morning / afternoon or even a day here and there if needed, but on a regular basis, no way. My mum cared for DD 3 days a week when DD was little and I paid her! Because it meant mum couldn’t work. Obviously I don’t pay her for favours at weekends or ‘granny treat days’ etc. But childcare while I am working. I always pay my way. You can’t expect people to look after your kids for free. Remember stay at home parents are being funded by the family finances and the family are probably making sacrifices for that. If you work, you make different sacrifices.

I am a sahp and I would help my sibling with childcare only as an occasional thing when needed. I would not expect to be used on a regular basis. There are good reasons why people are SAHPs and those reasons don’t include being a slave to other families and other people who believe you’re sat on your arse doing nothing.

@Trivet have you offered to look after your sibling's children when you have a week of annual leave over the holidays?

What makes you think that she is able to take your child for a week?

What makes you think I'm the WOHM?

Why don't you clarify what your position is?

Trivet

If you can't answer the question just say so.

If your the WOHM just say so.

If your the SAHM just say so

Drop the 'I'm doing this in a neutral way' BS

I am neither of them. They are dh's sisters. He thinks SAHM should have offered, I think WOHM should have asked.

I work in a school (not a teacher), so have the holidays off. I'm happy to have a cousin or two for a week at a time and have done in the past for my brother. But I would expect to be asked.

What on earth has got to do with him?
Has either of them moaned to him?

Is the WOHM hoping her brother will talk to her SAHM sister, and get her to offer, so it is no longer a big favour the SAHM is doing, as "she offered"...

I wouldn't want to look after another child for a whole week, I might agree to if there was no other option for a sibling/DH's sibling, but if there was other options, I wouldn't want to.

I'm a SAHM and am picky about which other children I want in my house, only the ones who are easy to look after, regardless of how nice their parents are. If I wanted to be a childminder, I would be.