Au pair threw water in DS' face

[niceupthedance]

Interested in others' views:

I was working from home this afternoon and heard an argument downstairs. DS7 comes screaming and crying upstairs in his pants absolutely soaked saying au pair threw a jug of water in his face. Au pair said he was being rude and shouting at her that he wouldn't put his ball outside.

They have had a pretty strained relationship over the three months she has been here and he doesn't like her. I don't think she likes him much either but her new job doesn't start until September so she's trying to stick it out until then.

AIBU to sack her for the water incident? In my mind she is the adult and should have walked away, or come to get me.

Zzz - her new job is as a teacher, do you think she should have professional standards and know how to deal with challenging behaviour? I do.

How weak of you.

You've employed her to look after your son. They don't get on. The answer is obvious

If you can't deal with issues re people who are caring for your child then you shouldn't be employing anyone as they'll run rings around you

Did nobody bother to read ops responses? They told her to move on and she took care of her little boy. Sorry it didn't work out op I'm sure he'll soon be over the trauma as will you x

I agree zzzzz

How odd that your child doesn’t like her but you’re happy to let her “stick it out” for three months until her new job starts?
Why??

It's shocking that you haven't got rid of her already! Is she British? Are you going to contact anyone about the fact that she's going to be a teacher and assaults the children in her care??

There's always one gf eh

DS was arguing that he didn't not want to leave his ball in the garden, he shouted in her face. Told her he didn't want to see her face.

Still not acceptable reaction on her part as an adult.

Ok thanks for the advice everyone she is no more.

Harry yes I will be doing that

I would defimtely sack her but your son was incredibly rude and you need tobclamp down on his behaviour, not buy him a pizza.

I imagine her son was rude because he's been lumbered with a mean and rude au pair who doesn't like him for several months??

How often is ur child rude to her? Is he always so unkind and then rewarded with treats?
She seems utterly pushed to her limit... just how much water was it? I mean it's water... not fire maybe she didn't react well but maybe just maybe she was at the absolute end of her tether

That sounds incredibly rude of your son. I think you need to be very careful about the message you give him in the way you deal with this incident. I'm not sure cuddling him and buying pizza was the best way to go. You are at risk of creating a horrible manipulative little monster that you cannot leave with anyone if he thinks that he can say whatever he likes to his carer and if they dare to pull him up on his poor speech/behaviour, you will always take his side regardless and fire them.

He sounds like a very rude little boy from what you've written and his behaviour doesn't reflect well on you. What do you think would have been an appropriate reaction from the au pair in the circumstances with your son refusing to do as he was told and shouting the odds in the process?

Honestly I would be more concerned about my child behaving like this and provoking the au pair rather than her reaction.

As I said upthread I obviously spoke to my son about how it is not acceptable to be rude to adults and his behaviour was not on while she was in the room. Pizza is not a reward it's dinner.

If a child is "pushing you to your limits" by answering back and you are a 26 year old teacher then you are probably not suited to a child care position.

Penny we have had au pairs before and never had this kind of problem. Thanks for your input though.

Granted your ds got worked up, he is only 7 years old. She is the adult. He is the child. It does not merit her throwing water in his face. Would she do it to another adult? She is temperamentally unsuited for childcare. Fine, it is not everyone's cup of tea, but she is in the wrong and should be sent on her way and out of your family's house.

She can take it as a learning experience.

7-year olds do not generally yell in the face of an adult unless there is something very wrong. And the OP has said he doesn't like her and they have had a strained relationship

. I cannot believe some of the comments on here excusing the au pair. A boy of 7 does not and cannot behave in the way an adult does. Often the only way they can express fear, anger and upset is in ways that adults might consider inappropriate but is all that a young child can manage.

OP you've sorted it. And if a parent can't be on the side of the child who can? I hope you can ignore the judgy, irresponsible, ignorant posts directed at you and your son .

You need to sack her, your son needs to know you have his back in a situation like that.

Whatever the provocation, she is an adult being paid to provide care to your child and she threw a jug of water in his face.

Imagine how she could act when you’re not around.

shock. Seriously? Because your staff should expect to be treated with dignity and respect, and her behaviour is SO extreme it may be the result of extreme provocation? I note OP is avoiding disclosing what the child said and how

Yes. Seriously. It doesn't not matter how rude, testing or unpleasant the child was being (although that kind of behaviour should obviously be dealt with separately).

The response should NEVER be to throw anything at a child in anger, ever.

The merest hint that a 7 year old somehow 'deserves it' is horrible, frankly.

You’ve obviously never seen how some children treat their parents domestic help

The child/domestic help relationship is not relevant. ANY adult who throws something in anger at a young child is in the wrong.