Au pairs and food

[Echobelly]

We have a male au pair & someone did warn me to expect to have to buy more food! I was never quite sure where the land lay with buying food and au pairs, he is only our second. Our first ap was easy as she only ate sandwiches and salad, so we got through quite a lot of butter, eggs, bread and honey with her, but not much else. J, current ap, was clear he liked to eat chicken and we accepted that, although we are not a very meaty household, but he really does seem to eat loads at a time and DH is getting a bit antsy about it, and that ap has had some frozen fish (which I don't mind) It doesn't help DH been in between contracts since J started, but now has an offer,so hoping he'll feel less aggrieved soon.

Can I say to J 'You can have x amount of fish and chicken a week but we wouldn't buy more than that in a week?' He does eat pasta, spuds and eggs too. He left his last placement bc he said they didn't get him enough food, among other things. However he had a successful placement before that who I spoke to and was delighted with him (and who he still visits every few weeks) and evidently didn't have an issue with the food.

It's all really awkward, I'm just not sure how accommodating I'm supposed to be .

YABU
We had two male au pairs with hearty appetites and just upped quantities for them - I always let all my au pairs add food into the home deliveries and gave them cash to top up during the week.
The deal is board and lodging and they need to be fed and comfortable.

I think it's fair to say you eat meat 3-4 times per week, or whatever, as long as he gets big enough portions and enough to eat every night. Your DH needs to understand that feeding him enough is part of the deal.

I wouldn't limit his food. We gave ours £5 a day to buy their own lunch then they had evening meals with us. It's part of the deal you feed them properly.

If he’s anything like the young men that I work with then if he’s wanting to eat that much chicken it’s because he’s going to be into the fitness lifestyle so he won’t be interested in the suggestions of swapping with cheesy potatoes and pasta etc.

He made it clear when you hired him that he needs a certain diet included for his services. You accepted this so you need to do it.

Well what do you expect to happen? He did warn you he was not a vegetarian.
Also can’t see how you can afford an Au Pair but can’t afford to feed him some frozen fish?

We are also making extra portions of our dinners for him as well when cooking from scratch and inviting him to eat in the evenings when we're both around. Some nights he eats with us and others we put food aside for him to have later if he's going out. Just to be clear that no one's expecting him to eat stale sandwiches in his bedroom!

We have a whiteboard and has been writing up what he wants on the board. Frozen fillets would be a good idea - I'm so unused to buying meat I hadn't thought of that, so that would be a good solution, he's generally making himself stews or cooking it with other things.

Yes, DH is being a bit of an eejit about it, but as I said I think it's in large part because he's not been earning since ap started and he is the main earner, so it should be less of a stress source when his next contract starts in the next few weeks. My personal view is that it really isn't that much a week to worry about, I'm just trying to get a sense of how other people manage and also how best to deal with what is whose for slightly higher value things like meat and fish.

Our au pairs have a separate kitchen and generally cook for themselves, although they always have a meal a week with us (I insist), usually roast on a Sunday. I top up a Sainsbury's gift card for them and suggest about £35/week for food, although they usually use ask me to top it up when it runs out, I usually add around £150/time.

I think we've had 6 au pairs now and their food usage has varied. Our first seemed to eat nothing and the £150 top up seemed to last the whole of her 3 month stay. Current one has gone through £150 a month (which is probably the most). She eats a lot of meat.

TBH unless they are eating 2 avocados every day, smoked salmon and caviar, I would just provide the food.

You really need to provide adequate food for your au-pair. Teenage boys do eat a lot but it does not sound like he is demanding outrageous foods like smoked salmon and fillet steak. It is not the au-pairs fault that you have had a change of circumstance and that your DH refuses to meal plan because of his own changeable moods about what he wants to eat.

I think that frozen food can be your friend here as you can get large freezer packs of chicken or fish at Lidl, Aldi or supermarket own brand.

I'd rather have an au-pair eating healthy portions of chicken or other meat or fish and being a good example for the kids, than an au-pair snacking all day and living off bread/crisps and pastas.

I think your dp needs to be more disciplined first of all and allow you to meal plan. Then you can have a plan au pair can see.

I agree that they don't need limitless protein even though they tend to think it's ok to require an all meant diet. But there need to be limitless "filler" foods such as pasta l, rice etc. and veg such as carrots which are so cheap.

It might help to buy cheaper cuts of meat such as thighs rather than breast if you.arent doing that.

We had a male au pair for a while and he was lovely. He was a gym bunny amd accepted without being told that he needed to buy the extra high protein food he wanted to support that choice. Some of the women have been equally protein fixated though!

My shopping bills have halved since no longer having an au pair though.

I wish all the people who are saying "you can't afford an au pair" would just bugger off. Your feedback is incredibly unhelpful to the au pair.

Echobelly, young men eat a lot. How much is his food bill costing you per week? You sound like you're already taking the right approach of asking him to write a shopping list each week.

Is he sticking to items on his list or is he also eating what is supposed to be your dinner? If it's the latter then that's easier to bring up with him.

Like everyone else already said, feeding them is part of the deal. Also, a kg of chicken thighs in aldi is £1.70, sure you can afford that?

You can't afford live in help

This.

Try to shop in Aldi. That will keep costs down.