Childminder for my kids whilst I study

[MorningRush]

I started my degree in September and my nearly 2yo has been with a childminder. She is fab and I was really lucky to find her last minute after going through all the local childminders in the area who had no spaces. I was pregnant at the time and gave birth in December and as had been previously agreed, new baby went to the CM and I returned to studying for the new term. They are minded for 19 hours over 3 days.
Unfortunately baby has been unsettled and CM has said she will give it another week and if things don't improve she won't be able to mind him anymore as it isn't fair to the other kids. She is trying to push me to leave uni and go back in September.

Obviously I get where she is coming from, dealing with a baby is demanding, but I feel annoyed that it's like I can just drop my plans and it's no big deal. If I had returned to work after having a baby she wouldn't be saying I think you should give up work. If she hadn't implied whilst I was pregnant that minding the new baby was going to be absolutely fine then of course I would have looked at alternative options months ago so that my toddler would have a chance to settle in. Now I'm faced with potentially one more week of childcare before she says that's enough.
I don't know what my best option is now?
I feel like if I leave uni now I will never go back. Also, just because baby will be a few months older, doesn't mean he will be any easier to deal with. The thought of having a week to find a new CM, kids having no time to settle in and potentially have them also say sorry we can't deal with your crying baby anymore fills me with dread. The alternative is to put them both in nursery which is significantly more expensive and what I really wanted to avoid as they'll get less individual attention, which is why I wanted a CM in the first place. I don't have any family I could ask to help out.
All my options seem rubbish and I'm feeling tired, sad and hormonal. Any opinions or advice greatly appreciated.

Have you entered into a contract with the childminder? If so, what is the notice period? It is usually about 4 weeks which would give you longer to find alternative care.

Often there is no notice during the settling in period.

Has the CM got a sling she could try? The baby would feel secure and she'd have 2 hands free for the other children.

SofiaAmes Fri 26-Jan-18 04:17:57

A childminder who can't manage a baby who "is unsettled" and who complains after 3 days doesn't seem like a very good childminder to me. My dd screamed her head off a lot for the first couple of years of her life. This had nothing to do with whether she was with the childminder or in my arms and everything to do with her hidden reflux. My childminder was perfectly able to manage it and never even suggested that she couldn't manage it.
It's completely inappropriate for a childminder to be judging you as a parent or suggesting that you leave Uni.
Personally, I would stick with your studies and find another childminder who is more competent, and put your dc's in nursery in the meantime

The childminder must be able to prove to Ofsted that by taking on any child the other children in her care are not adversely effected and that they can continue to offer the EYFS If a baby of a few weeks old has not yet got a routine at home (few do before 6 to 8 weeks) they are then going to be more unsettled left in the care of someone who has no bond with them it is then going to be very difficult to meet babies needs whilst doing painting crafts supporting climbing balancing walking mark making etc for 2 other 13 month to typically nowadays 36 month olds. in the days when children stayed to 5 it was much easier as over 3's tend to be more independent but still very hard on the other children. It is unlikely to be that the cm doesn't want to put up with screaming, but would anyone want to know that their 6 week old baby was having to scream every half an hour or so whilst others were being seen to or should the cm leave others in soiled clothes, hungry or sat doing nothing?

The baby is very little. If the baby is unsettled a lot then I can understand why the child minder feels like she can't give the attention the baby needs and look after the other children.
I think you have 2 options either you look for a nursery who take young babies or you speak to your university.
Nowhere do you mention how unsettled your baby is, you don't seem massively bothered that your baby is upset. You made the choice to start a course knowing that you would have a baby so you must have thought about how you would cope surely. It is perfectly doable to study and have kids but you have to work hard to get the balance right.

It's a very difficult situation. Some children do take longer to settle particularly ones so young. Your not the only person to have ever left such a young child with a childminder, it happens. Yes, in a perfect world you would be staying at home with little one but life is never perfect. Sometimes you have to find what works for your personal situation.

To be fair on the childminder, she is being very honest with you and giving you the heads up. I've never had a child that I have had to admit defeat with when they are settling in but I am very aware that it could still happen for future families. As a childminder you have to consider all the children in your care and unfortunately sometimes that means making difficult decisions. She won't have done this lightly, after all this is her business we are talking about. To lose 3 days business is a huge hit and no childminder I know would make that decision flippantly. If the little one is completely inconsolable and making themselves ill with it then a call has to be made to decide wether it's in the best interest of the child to keep persevering.

You may find that things change in week you've been given. If a few small steps have been made to settling the child then you know your on your way to a happy child and happy mummy and the childminder will feel more confident that working through it is more achievable.

Did your baby visit the cm frequently in the 2 or 3 weeks before starting properly with you allowing her to do everything and being relaxed around he and baby so they could build a bond?

I sent my baby to a cm at six weeks - in those days six weeks was the maternity leave we got. Some people's situations are different to others - and this didn't make me a bad Mum.

I am a cm now and tbh the younger the better for settling. Yes tinies are hard work but they usually become very attached early on which makes it all easier for everyone. I have had babies from four months and I love them and they love me too

I am sorry you are having all this to contend with