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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childminder Issues

52 replies

ZL1986 · 22/09/2017 18:50

Hi, I'm kind of at tethers end, so I thought I'd come here for advice dealing with an unreasonable childminder and what my options are moving forward.

Circumstance is this, myself and my ex separated from each other 2 years ago, we both made pickups and dropoffs to our Childminder we selected because of her "exceptional" status prior to our breakup. We have two boys; 5 and 2.

Since the breakup, I've been trying to have more involvement with my kids in respects to their education and their everyday activities. The childminder in question has flatly refused to give me any feedback with the kids; stating she has no time to provide feedback, doesn't want me collecting from her setting because my ex partner is paying for childcare, she doesn't need to include me in any reports or give any information as to the children's progress education wise. Basically, been removed as a "father" full stop after making suggestions to provide reports, or just a phone call to tell me how the lads are progressing education wise.

There are no court orders in place and I haven't been anything other than a father wanting to play an active role in being an inclusive parent in their upbringing. It left me with no choice but to contact OFSTED as she is a registered childminder and they informed me that as a parent of equal PR I was not in the wrong for wanting to play an active role and she is wrong to not include me in any of my children's progression; either by self advice or by request of my ex partner. Needless to say I received a very aggressive phone call from herself and she finally made the assurities to myself that I would receive a monthly report as the my son's progress.

This has happened ONCE a few months ago and when I received the report it was poor to say the least; with numerous spelling mistakes and when I asked another childminder to look at it, they saw a complete lack of understanding of the EYFS and my children's observations when compared.

I have raised the issue with my ex partner and she doesn't seem to bothered to say the least; until I brought criticism and OFSTED into the mix, then she says our Childminder is not in the wrong.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to play a more included role in being a father considering the circumstances? I have informed OFSTED of the updated issues revolving around failed promises and a complete lack of empathy in understanding that I do have rights as a father.

Am I wrong? Where do I go from here?

OP posts:

BackieJerkhart · 28/09/2017 11:12

CMer contract does not override the law.

existentialmoment · 28/09/2017 11:17

I think you are confusing bald law with what would actually happen in reality.

BackieJerkhart · 28/09/2017 11:42

Im not confusing anything, I'm telling you what the law is. Whether that would be enforced by the parent calling the police in most situations is a different question. Most likely it would be resolved without getting that far. But legally, a CMer can't withhold a child from a person with PR. Regardless of what their contract says and regardless of what the other parent/person paying the bill says.

HSMMaCM · 28/09/2017 13:00

The law is that a child must be handed to someone with parental rights.

However if a CM feels a child is at risk, or if someone is harassing them, they don't have to answer the door. I suspect this child is not at risk, but the dad does need to treat the CM with some respect.

I had a parent who did not want dad to collect. I made it clear that if he arrived and was in a fit state (i.e. Not obviously drunk) then I couldn't stop him. However, I would let her know he was there.

BackieJerkhart · 28/09/2017 13:54

Exactly what HSMM said. If parent is drunk or abusive then call the other parent, call the police, call SS. Whichever is appropriate. But a parent with PR just turning up to collect their child, which is all we know is happening in this situation, should be given their child regardless of what the other parent has stated. If the other parent doesn't want that happening they need to go through legal channels and put their case forward to have PR removed or an order made preventing it. It's not up to the CMer to decide that.

jannier · 28/09/2017 14:10

BackieJerkhart

You are absolutely correct in that it is not legal to refuse to hand over a child to anyone with PR unless you have a copy of a court order (intoxication, putting in jeopardy etc requires you to follow safeguarding procedures).

But it was a request not to have dad collect anyone can make this and although dad has said its because he doesn't pay the contract we don't know if that is the actual reason but you can request whatever you want if its your business. I have had one parent who was using inappropriate language so requested that they no longer came to collect as I felt other children should not listen to the swearing and they would not refrain from putting it in everyday conversation thinking it was a joke.

Again we only have dads version of what he has been told presumably by mum who may not be telling him the whole story. But to be honest if he has already put in complaints to Ofsted causing this cm lots of hassle and stress I'm not surprised she doesn't want to see him again and it maybe either he stays away or I give notice.....which if the child is going through a family breakdown is the last thing they should cope with.

HSMMaCM · 28/09/2017 14:17

Yes Jannier. It is a balancing act between our own safety and happiness, the child's wellbeing and the parents wishes.

BackieJerkhart · 28/09/2017 14:20

Of course jannier and I have acknowledged that this was a request not a refusal. My later comments are in response to posts telling me she can refuse to hand the child over which she can't if presented with a person who has PR. We aren't taking about someone banging on the door, being abusive, drunk etc. We only have the OP (who has done a runner!) to go by and unless given information to suggest otherwise we have to assume he is talking about just turning up after work to collect his child just like the mother does. If it turns out he has been a knob to the CMer then of course it is a different scenario.

DemonBaby · 28/09/2017 14:23

The childminder was totally within her rights to refuse collection unless it had been pre-agreed with the resident parent. The first time my son's father (who I'm still in a relationship with!!) picked our little boy up from nursery, I had to give my permission for him to do so as they'd only seen me up until that point.

I bet there is a lot more to this story than meets the eye tbh.

BackieJerkhart · 28/09/2017 14:25

No demon she wasn't.

DemonBaby · 28/09/2017 14:25

Sorry but yes she was - she had no way of knowing this was even the child's father.

BackieJerkhart · 28/09/2017 14:41

Demon I'm not going to go into it all again, it's been done on this thread already, but bottom line, if he has PR then she cant refuse to let the child go with him. You can disagree all you want, you may think it shouldn't be that way but that is the law.

existentialmoment · 28/09/2017 15:58

bottom line, if he has PR then she cant refuse to let the child go with him. You can disagree all you want, you may think it shouldn't be that way but that is the law

What you don't seem able to understand is that she doesn't know if he has PR and it is not her job to determine that, She does not have to let the children go with anyone other than the client who pays her.
IF OP were to call the police and prove to them he has PR, they could tell her to, but otherwise, no.

Snap8TheCat · 28/09/2017 16:02

existentialmoment are you a cm?

existentialmoment · 28/09/2017 16:03

No. What has that got to do with anything? Anyone with half a brain cell can see i am correct.

DemonBaby · 28/09/2017 16:06

What existential said.

So if you are a CM, you have a small child in your care, you've only ever had contact with the mother. You expect the mother to pick the child up.

A man turns up on the door, saying he is the child's father and demanding that you hand over said child to him.

You'd just take his word for it would you, despite having no proof whatsoever he is the father of the DC??

That is not proper safeguarding procedure and no it is not the law either. No nursery or CM would just hand over a child based on the say so of a random person.

BackieJerkhart · 28/09/2017 16:06

DemonBaby · 28/09/2017 16:07

Ok, so you're not actually going to answer then.

Snap8TheCat · 28/09/2017 16:07

Ah I thought so.

Well actually a cm would know who has PR of a child. It is one of the pieces of information that we have to gather when signing up a new child. It is in the statutory framework and we can refuse care if it is not provided.

existentialmoment · 28/09/2017 16:07

Keep banging that wall, and maybe you will start to understand how you are in the wrong.
I sincerely hope you are not a childminder if you hand over children to any random man at your door!

BackieJerkhart · 28/09/2017 16:10

we both made pickups and dropoffs to our Childminder we selected because of her "exceptional" status prior to our breakup.

This is from the OP. This is not a random man she has never met before turning up and asking to take a child with him. He has been collecting the child just as his ex partner has.

DemonBaby · 28/09/2017 16:11

Yes ok but you still don't KNOW a random man turning up at the door is who he says he is.

That's why most nurseries and CMs operate a prior permission and password system.

If I want someone other than myself to pick up my son from his nursery, I have to give prior notification, provide a photo of the person if they haven't seen them before, and that person has to give a password before they are allowed to collect him.

Snap8TheCat · 28/09/2017 16:13

demonbaby the op says he has met the can so no random man.

Willow2017 · 01/10/2017 17:51

The cm knows the father from before the split as he collected child alternately with his ex.
Cm has no reason not to allow child to go with his father. What is she going to do keep the child until the mother finishes work for free?

If she has not provided any kind of feedback on the child's activitues to op then that's bad practice. I have had plenty separated parents. Always have a quick chat at door and they have the diary to look at once home.

But if her 'report' was not clear on your child's progress and she continues to be obstructive I would be looking for a new cm.

Pissing off a parent to favour another with no reason is not a good indication of a fair person
What if your ex was suddenly not available to pick.up for some time I bet she would be happy to see you then if it meant continued business.

RobinNest20 · 01/09/2022 08:32

Thea people do not know the law, they assume a childminder has more right than a parent.

If you have parental right, you can take remove your child from whomever you want at whatever time you want.

If the CM refuse to give you, 'your' child that is kidnap, do not contact ofsted phone the police immediately

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