Tube journey to nursery?

[Leeela]

Hi all, I'm looking for advice from parents in London. DH and I live in North London, and will need full-day nursery, for 3 consecutive days a week, for our (not yet born) DC from when he or she will be 9 months old. We have the option to pick a very nice homely nursery very close to where we live (nice 'village-feel' kind of area), which we could afford by the absolute skin of our teeth, or in central London close to DH's work, which only costs half as much (subsidised). That one is a half hour tube journey away, quite packed unless we'd leave very early in the mornings, but all on the same line without changes. We don't drive so tube is the only option.

Would anyone have any experiences they could share about taking such a young toddler on a packed tube? Does it feel safe enough? Will the stress affect them adversely? What about DH lugging a stroller around the tube (stairs only at both ends) - is that a very accident-inviting thing to do, or completely fine?

It's our first so we just have no idea what these kinds of situations feel like with (and for) a small child! Thanks for any advice/insight.

What happens if your dh is sick or away with work?

Friends used a workplace nursery and she tells a story of being ill with a vomiting bug, and having to choose whether she was well enough to look after the child or could manage the commute so she could have a chance to rest at home.
If you have a second child and you use childcare close to home, there is always the chance that if one child is Ill, someone might be able to take the other child in for you. I know that when dc2 has been sick and we're been up all night a friend took her to nursery because I didn't want to drag him out and with no sleep I didn't have the energy to manage 2 of them!

Ahhh it's so hard to know what's right... I keep switching back and forth between the two in my head Thanks so much everyone for your help with thinking this through!

The closer to home nursery is definitely better than the workplace one for all of these reasons - but are those worth £500 a month....?

But from everyone's views I gather that impact on the DC doesn't seem to be so much of a deciding factor, but we should more think of the practicalities for ourselves? I think I'd happily risk a bit of difficulty on sick days etc for £500 - but less so DC's wellbeing, if it were at all compromised by the stress.

I agree the practicalities are the main thing.

It's also worth considering when they get a bit older they might be invited to parties etc with kids at their nursery. When it's a nursery close to home it means those are 'local' friends, with the possibilities of play dates etc. My nursery has a lovely community feel, and we plan weekend play dates in the local park.

I have had a similar dilemma (commute for 1 hour minimum each way).

We went for the local nursery (double the cost!) rather than the subsidised one at my work as it felt more homely and for the practicalities of having s nursery on your doorstep if you are ill, want some extra time to yourselves etc.

I also considered what would happen if my DD was ill and needed bringing home - would much rather get to her as quickly as I can rather than having to face a long commute home with a sick child.

The other benefits to us are a local network of other parents as a PP mentioned. I'm now pregnant again and having nursery on our doorstep is good for meeting other mums with a second on the way and also so we can easily continue to send DD to nursery whilst I am on mat leave to keep her routine.

Final point - a number of local nursery staff who are happy to babysit in the evenings /weekends if we need them - people who my DD is happy with as she sees them at nursery and I'm happy with too as I have seen them interact with the kids (and know their first aid etc is up to date).

Hope this helps!

Thanks both, yes this is very helpful! The local network is definitely something to consider as well. Blimey, there are so many things to consider... and it's all so new to us... So hard to think it all through!

i went with the £600 every month. buys a taxi home every single time your child is ill at nursery and has to go home, that's for sure. we had every cold going and that still only happened a handful of times over the 3+ years I did it. Also, they can crash on the sofa in your office while you finish those last few things, too, especially if you have the ipad :)
Play dates and local links -- good; we have that through the school now, but everyone always does that stuff in working hours so we can't really participate anyway.
I agree with MrsMonkey, eventually you'll need babysitters and the like. We found those links through other means (including actually colleagues with teenaged children, their friends, etc - once you're in the network it's not too hard to find).
I don't think it adversely affects the child to commute, or at least, it didn't with mine. We cuddled, read the tube signs, had a snack, they made friends with all the bored commuters, and had more time with me than if I'd dropped them and commuted alone.
For me the downside was just the somewhat extreme lifestyle choice of commuting with a small child in rush hour in London. The upsides were the extra time with them, and the 600 quid a month! In our case the workplace nursery is really good and stunningly so for the preschool age, too.

Have you considered childminders they ted to be cheaper, have exactly the same standards as nurseries and often more qualification than the room managers and apprentices in many nurseries as well as a home environment often working with co-minders or assitants. If your train is delayed they often are flexible and unlike nurseries do not close their doors at 6pm.
I have 2 families that commute from here on an hour long journey the children treat mine like a second home and through the recent events in London have stayed with me while parents have struggled through a chaotic tube system arriving at 7,30 to find Lo bathed changed fed and sleeping at no extra charge because of events outside anyones control. Even the 2 recent tube fires have caused them delays. The children are not exposed to the heat and fumes of the tube and are mixing with the same children they will go to school with I will then drop and collect do holiday care and they stay with me until the families feel they are ready to be home alone anywhere between12 and 16 to date.

Thanks a lot cordelia, this was really useful! We still haven't decided but are leaning towards the workplace option now, because everyone says the commute is fine for the DC (that was my biggest worry) and the practicalities we think we can find solutions for. I can imagine it being much easier with a local nursery if DH is sick, but he's not sick very often and we both feel it would be nice for the DC to be nearer by at least one of us during all normal, non-sick days (I also have a long commute so wouldn't be at home either). Hopefully we can just try to make local friends via other groups and networks. Getting a sick child home on a long tube right does sound very difficult though MrsMonkey

Thanks jannier as well, we did also give childminders a thought. I'm still trying to get my head around that option though - I've looked at the local registers but find it so hard to get an overview, and how to know in advance what other children there would be, assistant or no assistant, etc... But we'll see!

Good luck with it all! These things are changeable if something doesn't work for you, in the end.

Oh heavens, absolute no brainer.

Go with the one closer.

Please please do it. For your sake and the baby's

Your peace of mind that at a homely lovely nursery and your child not on the tube for half hour in rush hour (oh man, bad enough on your own) is worth £500 in my opinion

Would you have time to drop off/pick up at the nursery close to home and then get to work in time? We had to have a nursery close to work as would not have time to drop off at 8 when nursery opened and then travel to work for 8.30.

You may not be sick very often at the moment, but once DC start nursery they will be sharing their bugs with you!

I'd go with the one nearer to home without doubt. Things that would sway me would be getting a vomiting baby/ toddler home. Annual leave days when you've been woken up 6 times the night before (mine had a huge sleep regression after she went to nursery) being able to drop them off and go to bed (I always thought I would have annual leave days and take her out of nursery but it's useful to get DIY done, sleep, have a meal out etc without a toddler in tow). Getting a 2 year old home when they're exhausted and grumpy (when you are too).

I also agree about the local friends. My eldest is now 3 and nursery parties are lovely and it's nice to walk to lots of them, also to bump into friends at swimming and the park.

We do this (and madness- with a 3yo and an almost 1 yo). In our case it's commuter train (s. London) and then either bus or tube for 5 minutes. It's about 45 minutes door to door. It's quite a lot cheaper, especially because you can salary sacrifice the lot with a workplace nursery. I drop, DP collects- but this works because we work about 10 minutes walk apart. And then we can flex if one of us (me, basically) is travelling, has late meeting, is meeting friends.

I don't think it harms their wellbeing at all- they're both awesome public transport travellers and know how to behave on trains, they get 90 minutes with us a day that they wouldn't otherwise. They also get to do lots of cool central London things without it being a massive expedition. The only thing I do worry about a bit is the air quality- it's a lot better where we live than central, but this would depend on where you live as to whether that's any different. Our journey is ok, but we do leave early and DP flexes his hours to pick up at 4.30 to beat the rush. It is very hot and sticky in the summer. On the plus side you never ever have the panic you're going to get fined for not getting there on time.

I wouldn't get too hung up on the illness thing- DD1 has hardly been ill at all and we've never had to collect her sick once (if we did, we'd just cab it home that day) so it's by no means a definite (I have a theory about this that workplace nurseries have more only children/first-borns, so not as many siblings to get bugs from). It is annoying if you otherwise have the day off - we do just drop anyway though, or do a date day in town etc. It is also annoying if you are ill, but we've also hardly had that as an issue (the other just takes/collects and we're quite healthy people). I'm also not worried about the social aspect- babies and toddlers don't have friends as such, we don't have time to see our actual friends with kids, let alone wanting to spend every weekend at a toddlers' birthday party (although you might want to which would make it a consideration). We know quite a lot of people from the baby years, we live on a street with lots of young families etc, so see lots of people at the park anyway. Plus DD1 is quite an introvert and finds parties etc a bit stressful. Also in London you're likely to scatter to the winds of loads of different primaries from loads of different nurseries so there will be a real mix in reception.

I would dry run your journey at a few different times to check how busy it is; get a sling (and later we had a maclaren volo which is very light and can be slung over a shoulder). Don't stress any public meltdowns; it happens. I would say that the periods I have been doing both ends of the day I have found it pretty wearing, and it would be great to zone out on my commute, but it's been overall a good choice for us. The workplace nursery is very small and that suits DD1 a great deal.

Am anticipating a logistical nightmare when DD1 starts primary though; at that point we may consider moving DD2 to the school nursery. Good luck with your choice- can you stay on the list at the local one in case it's not working out?

I'd def start with the workplace one. You can move nursery if it doesn't work.

workplace nursery without a doubt. you will need to use a sling. with the baby on your back. when baby is ill it won't be rush hour so don't worry about getting him home. £6000 extra a year and extra time with your baby will be more beneficial to you and your baby than almost anything that another nursery could offer I think.

I see people who I assume are doing this on my commute and quite frankly it looks a nightmare in rush hour.

I'd definitely start with the workplace nursery and perhaps thing about swapping if you need to and/or when your baby gets older and less portable.

I'd start at the subsidised nursery while baby is small and look at moving to village setting if they or you aren't coping with the commute.

It might be fine and those savings would be lovely.

Thanks everyone! What a mix of opinions. Now we've had "without a doubt"s in both directions! Thanks so much for all the tips and experiences though - this is really really helpful. Cockney the idea to flexi hours to avoid rush hour is great actually, I talked to DH about that and he thinks we could do that. That must make it a lot easier actually! Whereas with the local one, as Bubbly says there'd barely be enough time to get in and go back in time.

So we have tentatively decided for the workplace one... Have also had great recommendations for it from other parents, and it's also small which we like as well. I hope it works out - let's see what the DC thinks once he or she is finally here! But already feeling much better-informed and positive about the whole thing now.