Thinking about an au pair. Could anyone share tips and experiences please?

[Sleeperandthespindle]

DH and I work full time and DC have both been going to a lovely childminder before and after school/ preschool. This is working fine, but we are considering an au pair, mainly to provide the dc with more time to be in their own home.

We have a spare room with its own bathroom. An absolute essential would be that the au pair could drive the children to and from school.

How do we get started in the process and what do we need to know? I have been browsing 'Au Pair World' and there are a number of potential people on there.

Thanks

We have only had one au pair but she has been with us for 9 months (and gone home to Spain during the summer and Christmas holidays). We chose an older au pair - 28 - who really wanted to concentrate on her studies. She has been absolutely wonderful, so much so I could go on and on for hours! She is not a great cook but she just has to make 4 evening meals for the kids so something simple is absolutely fine. For me the most important thing was that she could use common sense and her own initiative. She has a great social life with other au pairs and students from her college in the area (outskirts of London). From the conversations of her friends a common complaint/ reason for au pairs to seek new families is an unreasonable expectation of hours. Ours does before and after school (8-9 and 3-6) 4 days a week and offers 2 evenings which we don't always use. She is very happy to do extra but I don't ask unless it's to watch the kids while I pop to the corner shop and she's in anyway. I think it's important to remember they are not supposed to be working full time and may get fed up if they're expected to, especially if they don't get time to study,

Good luck! The freedom from stress if my train is late is worth it alone, plus the kids absolutely love her.

I've got a Skype call arranged for this evening so will definitely be using the ideas for questions on Stalingrad's list. Thanks.

Bit late to the party but we've had two au pairs, one was a short placement during her uni holidays. Both were from small towns and the short placement was actually intimidated by our city (Manchester) so i don't think rural is an issue. Most applicants do seem to want London (having said that) but there will be some looking for outdoors rural places.

Thought I'd come back to this thread to see if anyone has more input.

I still haven't found an au pair, despite looking since late December. I suppose I need to look at my profile and improve it.

We are looking for an over 25 year old as driving is an essential part of what we need, so that limits the pool a lot. We are considering changing this and just sucking up the extra car insurance, so that we have more chance of getting someone suitable.

I am interviewing someone later today on Skype, but this is only the second one I'll have done. Nobody else has stayed interested long enough to get this far! The first one was brilliant but chose a family of young teens over my rowdy 4 and 7 year olds! Sensible woman!

Our insurance with Admiral multicar on a VW Golf is fine as long as they are over 22 and have been driving for 4 years. I also state that they have to be regular drivers.

I'd take your profile off for a couple of weeks, whilst the pool of potentials re-fills then re-write and put on some new pictures.

Sounds like a good plan. I'll do that, thanks. Also will look into insurance a bit more thoroughly.

Sleeper - we have had 2 au pairs both of whom were 18 when they started and turned 19 during their year with us. They were both required to drive, so we had to put them on the insurance. We just renewed and I think it was about £800 or £900 for the year. We also pay for 3 driving lessons when they first get here, and the AA instructor takes them on routes they will be driving with the children.

(We used to have a nanny, who cost over £20k a year in salary, tax, car insurance etc so balancing au pair car insurance and pocket money against that may skew my perspective...)

We have recruited through an agency and I've found them very good. Again, it's a cost we could avoid but we both have very long hours jobs so having someone do the initial sorting makes sense for us. The prospective au pairs have to have done a fair bit of work to complete their side of the application, so I think that already takes out those who had a lazy afternoon to fill and just replied to a couple of ads online... Happy to PM you the details if you want them.

One thing I'd add to what has already been said, is that when they start you need to go into things enormous detail. You almost can't give too much detail. I didn't do that with our first au pair - gave her a weekly schedule similar to the nanny. So, e.g., it said "school finishes at 3:30. Monday - ballet, 4-5; Tuesday swimming 4:30 - 5" etc. I found after two weeks she was really floundering, we had a good chat and I provided her with a schedule that said something like:
"Monday. 3:20 - leave home. 3:30 - fetch from school. 3:30 - 4pm - drive to ballet, X changes for ballet. 4pm - 5pm - X at ballet, you and Y go to library and do spelling. 5pm - 5:15 - drive home."
I was worried she'd find that patronising but actually she loved it, and of course after 2 months she didn't need that much detail and was far more at ease. (This may not apply if you get an older AP.)

Good luck! As so many have said, a good au pair is a great addition to the family and a huge help to busy parents.

I am on my third au pair and all have been amazing. I recruit through an agency, they have been 18 but ultra resposonsible. I think you need to revise down the minimum age you will accept.
Au pairs have enhanced our lives and given us brilliant flexibility

Do you definitely need a driver?

We thought we did, but then the car insurance would have been astronomical. It didn't make sense. We kept an open mind and found our ap on aupair world. She didn't want to drive in the uk. She's really happy using the crappy bus service in our town. We give her lifts as needed. Only infrequently and only as convenient to us.

She didn't need language school either.

OP from experience of my own teen working as an au pair it works best if you are clear about your expectations. It will also help to be realistic. If you advertise for a teenager it will be a huge responsibility for them to drive children to and from school, particularly if they are from abroad and have limited experience of driving on the left hand side of the road. Therefore if you want a driver it may be wise for you to consider someone who has experience.

A teenager will also have limited childcare experience and will need time to adjust. My dd is working as an au pair and her family do not expect her to cook, clean, babysit and do the laundry for the money they pay her. I like the fact that dd helps the family out by getting the children up dressed and fed and walked to school and spends all evening with them 5 days a week until they go to bed.

During the day an au pair can attend a language school if needed, but that would not be possible if they had lots of chores to do on top of childcare. My dd has made lots of au pair friends and some say to her their families expect too much and treat them very badly which the girls feed straight back to the agency from where they were recruited.