it's really hard to stay prefessional when sacking a nanny you're unhappy with

[nicegirl73]

I want to scream and shout and name call, I can't help it.

It's nothing like a normal employee, because of my children.

Anyway, tell me I'm not alone please.

I realise not everyone is going to get on with everyone and that this is common with nannying.
But the nanny I employed, which you guys on here early on told me didn't seem suitable, just hasn't bonded with my youngest (5) and what more seems to put the blame of that on my child.

She referred to her (to me) as "a right little madam", which I hear some people use, but to me it's incredibly sexist and judgmental and just horrible to call anyone, but totally unprofessional for a childcare giver IMO.
She also said my daughter was unbearable whilst having a tantrum.

I feel incredibly hurt that she so clearly doesn't like my child and this is where it's really, really tempting to be horrible back.

Yes. Finding good childcare is hard. You may have to resign yourself to kissing a few frogs on the way. But each one will help you identify what you want/need.

You'll find someone who fits the bill. So start hunting in earnest.

That is so out of line JoyOdell, to your friends as well. And snap, I've been a SAHM too until this nanny, steep learning curve I say

2nds - no she has. she has since said she will not work during any serious illness, which is kind of against the whole point of having a nanny.

You really need to work on separating out the emotion. You are employing someone to look after your children to enable you to work. The fact she said that she wouldn't cover illnesses should have told you she didn't have the particular skill-set to match your particular requirements.

You wouldn't employ front of house staff who don't like people, have serious issues about handling certain food-stuffs and can't work between 10-1 or 6-10 if you were a restaurant manager. It's the same with looking for childcare. You are looking for someone who fits your requirements.

the catfromjapan - yes absolutely I was naïve and desperate, learning a lot along the way

Dismissing someone is always hard, more so when it is your only employee but having worked in small businesses with say 10 employees it is still hard.

Equally deciding to leave a job is hard. Nannies find it very hard to make the decision to leave a job - they don't want to let the family down and they have an attachment to the children.

It is a business relationship so I agree with TheCatFromJapan, you need to try to separate out the emotion. You employ her to do a specific job, for which is she not meeting the required standard. You have given time for improvement and it is evident that the situation will not improve. So you need to part ways. The fit is not right.

nicegirl73 - I think you've had a bit of a hard time on here from other members.
I'm a nanny and look after two little boys ages 3 and 6 and I love them like my own so I understand what you mean when you say you're nanny and children haven't bonded.
I also think her choice of words are a little harsh, although there is nothing wrong with her telling you if the children have misbehaved.
Although I love my nanny family, the children do act differently when mum is around (like most kids). They are usually good as gold for me and rarely misbehave unless having a bad day/not very well etc but as soon as mum walks through the door it changes, they do speak to me (basically like shit) when mum is around and it frustrates me because she does not even blink an eye or ask them to apologise. I recently came back from holiday and bought them a few goodies including a hat each, the other day the youngest had a tantrum and was stamping on it with his feet, to be honest this did anger me as it cost a lot of money and if my child did that to a gift someone bought them I would be embarrassed. Again, mum did not even ask/get him to apologise.
I haven't wrote this to winge about my nanny family but maybe this is what you're nanny is going on about, maybe she wants you to back her up when you're children misbehave so they understand that behaviour is not acceptable.
You have to be a team at the end of the day.
Again, if it was just a one off I might let it go myself as kids do have bad days but if it is a constant thing then i can understand where you're nanny is coming from.

Maybe have a chat with her and explain that you feel there is no bond between her and the kids and you feel unless things change you might have to let her go.
Unless you speak up she might think her behaviour is okay and that you don't care.
Hope this helps x

Totally bizarre responses from some.

I'm a nanny and I can see your issues. I would never refer to my charges as she has. I obviously tell the parents if the child has misbehaved but I phrase it very carefully and try to separate my emotion from it. For example, I might say "Fred has been very challenging today. Lots of shouting and refusing to do as I say. I think he's worried about granny being in hospital so we've decided to make her a get well soon card tomorrow. We had a fab visit to the park, though!"

If there is clearly no bond you need to let her go but for the sake of your children you need to keep it as calm and as amicable as possible.

I appreciate all helpful replies on here thank you, and thank you to both nannies who have replied too.
Our nanny is no longer in our employment and won't be working out her notice.
Posting on here has helped me get a better perspective, so despite the first, rather unfriendly responses, it was the way to go.

I'm now looking for a new nanny, again urgently of course but I think I know a lot more about what to ask and what t simply say no to. Thanks guys!

Good for you! I still haven't taken the plunge as I'm nervous of the reaction but I can imagine you feel a huge weight is off.

huge weight, and my daughter is happier. But now i'm paying two nannies but I try not to think too much about it

Op

I think you got a harsh response because you started saying you wanted to scream and shout and name call. Nothing the nanny did warranted that. Fair enough to make the break as it wasn't working but your initial post was full on.

purple What planet are you on?! Not a parent by the sounds of it.

OP you're so right to sack this woman. She shouldn't be working with children. You have hired her to be empathic, warm and professional. Sounds like she has been crap and is too rubbish to know or care. I would tell her how far below acceptable she's been.

Yes it's crap - yes she was out of order for calling her a madam - do it quickly, politely and try and negotiate a short a notice period as possible! I don't have child care for my youngest (8) but for my eldest (22) I was a single working parent and used both au pairs & childminders. For those unsympathetic early responders, some of us have to use the likes of au pairs & nannies as the childcare provision in this country is crap - grow the hell up! The reality is unfortunately that you'll experience both great great nannies, childminders and au pairs but also have some really less than great experiences - it's not ideal at all but your children will be ok and it's just part of the whole working parent reality . Don't angst over it, keep it short & give her a decent reference. Good luck!

Gone and SJ, the deed is done and the nanny is gone.

:-)

Thank goodness for that! No child should have to spend time with someone who so clearly does not like them.

Did you have a thread about this a few weeks ago? Fwiw I think you did the right thing and this was not the right nanny for your family.

well done for getting it done and lots of luck for the next one.

It is stressful and horrible. I fired a nanny who'd been with us for almost 4 years. I still feel slightly queasy when I think back to it. Stick to your guns, OO, and as another poster advised, have someone lined up to take over so nanny can leave right away.