DD is 17mo. I have mostly looked after her myself until now, but I have started back at work for three days a week and have employed a Nanny for those days.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’m unassertive or give the impression that I don’t know what I am doing but this Nanny is insisting that she is right and I am wrong about some aspects of DD care.
I’ll try and give some examples.
When DD eats she likes each food type separately. If she’s having chicken, potatoes and vegetables, she doesn’t mind the order they come in, but she doesn’t want them all on one plate.. The nanny insists on giving them to her all on one plate. This, for some reason, upsets DD and she refuses to eat any of it, which leads to the nanny telling me she is a bad eater and that I have spoiled her. I try to explain that she will eat her meals if she’s given each type of food separately, but the nanny says that it is not rational and that she is going to continue to give it to her all together until she gets so hungry that she eats it. Of course this leads to lots of crying and screaming and – when I have come in, in the middle of it – a tearful, red faced, hungry DD.
DD has a comfort blanket, which is quite cumbersome and dirty, but it's her thing. It’s her main comfort mechanism. But the Nanny hates it during the day (she is fine with it at night) and pulls it away from her every time she picks it up. This leads DD to cry and scream needlessly, and just creates a problem between them when there doesn’t have to be one. I keep telling her that I am okay with it and want DD to continue to carry it around, but it doesn't seem to change anything.
If DD cries because she’s tired or someone won’t pick her up, the Nanny says things to her like “ grow up and be a big girl.” Or “no I’m not picking you up, you’re being a baby.” Of course, DD cries again. This is doing nothing to bond the nanny and DD and that’s exactly what I want to happen to reassure me now I’m back at work.
The Nanny doesn’t like food wastage, nor to buy any fresh food for DD even though I offer her money specifically to do it. She likes DD to eat leftovers from mine and DH’s meals. So she reheats a lot of food and gives it to DD for lunch and dinner. This is fine to a point, but sometimes she does it without checking best before dates and gives DD stuff beyond best before. She reheats a lot of chicken and rice, which I’m just not comfortable with for DD.
She can’t seem to spend time with DD without being given an activity to do. Eg, she loses patience quickly just in a room with DD and her toys. She craves to go out and go to different things with DD, like different softplays, different parks, different playdates. I can’t/don't have the time to provide all this for her, and don't actually want it. I actually I don’t think DD needs to be constantly stimulated by external things. DD is good at imaginary play, like pouring tea for her teddies, but I understand that not everyone is into that. Are they?
I feel like a lot of this is because the Nanny thinks she is doing me a favour by giving me some childcare hacks to make my life easier outside of work. I don't think she's a bad nanny at all. She has been great with DD in many other ways.
I understand I am probably being a bit PFB, but ultimately this nanny is only three weeks in the job and surely she should be listening to me a bit more or trying to do what I want?
Do you think IABU?