Do you think this is appropriate?

[jamum]

Today picked up ds from his childminder and he is in tears, in fact sobbing. He is 16 months.

Do you think these 2 things are right? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill.

1. The childminders own children were having their dinner in the conservatory with the door shut, and ds (who was obviously hungry) was absolutely desperate to get in there with them. But wasn't allowed.

I guess that the cm didn't let him in because I was due to pick him up (although I was 20 minutes early). I would have thought she would have either a) waited until I had been and gone before feeding her children, or b) Put ds in the high chair with some of his fruit which was left in his bag.

and

1. Apparently ds bit her lo (he has never bitten anyone before) so the cm told him off and said he was naughty, and then made him sit in a chair for a few minutes.

I think this is excessive for a 16 month old, but maybe I think that because he's my little boy.

What do you think?

Hello there!

First I'm shocked that she shut him out bless him, he must of been so confused. I only offer lunch and snacks, we all have something after the school run 4pm ish and this keeps everyone going. By the time my last mindies go at 5:30pm I start tea for mine to sit down 6 - 6:30pm, I don't offer tea to parents as it's never been an issue as they have toast, crumpets, crackers fruit etc 4pm to keep them going.

Secondly! My ds now 2 started biting at 16 months when I had a new mindie start (me fortunatly) it does tend to happen aroung this age, but never called her naughty just biting was not nice as it hurts and showed her the mark. This lasted 2-3 months (2/3 times a week :-( ) Then again when she started creche when turned two (Sept.) Again a new change in her little life, your childminder should account for this change to ds just starting and I would not be best pleased if I found out the creche put her into the 'naughty corner' for it. I think the pre-school have a time out! Which is just the same surely!!

HTH, do talk to her as it may be an misunderstanding

On another note, the cm had an ofsted yesterday and the lady stayed for the morning, but obviously she wouldn't have seen the biting or anything else that happened after.

Do I get to see a copy of the report?

jamum,yes your cm should give you a copy of the report when she recieves it....prob about 4 weeks time.
did she tell you what grade she got and how the inspection went?

Wrong.

I think she should have waited until your child had gone before feeding hers. Or give him a piece of fruit or bread if she didn't want/wasn't meant to give him a meal. I would never feed some kids and not others in my house. It is all or nothing.

Telling him he is naughty for biting is wrong. He hasn't done it to be naughty. He could be teething, frustrated, hungry.

Not sure how I feel about the fact she has told you. Could be because she wants to be open or honest or could be because she doesn't see anything wrong in what has gone on today.

hiya

I agree that shutting your child out is not right.

However as you are both just getting to know each other I suspect there has been some confusion in your discussion.

As said by others I ask for a routine of eating times. I have one parent who does not allow any snacks after 3pm as their lo will not eat her tea. That can be very difficult when my after school kids are having snack. We have agreed though that this lo will be fed their tea at mine on mums late night.

I feed my 13month old at 4.30pm as because my pick ups are between 4.30 - 5.30pm sometimes she wasn't getting her tea until 5.45pm. I don't give children their tea unless asked to as most families like to eat together. I would not wait to feed my own children.

As for the biting - I would have as said by others told the child this was a naughty thing to do - sorry but I don't think that you can explain why it is unacceptable to a 16mth old. I would have placed your child slightly away while checked the other child was ok. We would have then tried to say sorry. That would be it - it would be forgotton. I would tell the parent as biting is not acceptable - some nurseries actually 'expell' children who will not stop. So it is important children learn it is not allowed.

Also building relationships with a new parent can be very difficult. Perhaps it didn't actually happen as it came across. I don't enjoy telling a parent if something like that has happened - but they need to know. There have been a few times I have spoke to a parent again the next day to make sure they didn't misunderstand me - especially if I have been interrupted while speaking to them.

I think you need to have a chat with your cm - with no kids around. Tell her when your sons eats and what you do and don't mind him having as a snack.

There is no way i would do that. Im sorry but one of the things I enjoy most about childminding is all the children eating together in the kitchen. the babies laughing at the older ones etc. Even if the parents were collecting the children early I'd give them a box of raisins or something so they could all join in. Naughty steps etc for 16 month olds - what!! I dont think it makes any difference that he's your little boy if you genuinely like being around children then you couldnt exclude them in that way.

I thought childminders were not allowed to use the word 'naughty' to a minded child. Well thats what my inspector told me. I have a very young minded child who has bitten me on a few occasions, the lo is teething at the moment!! I usually respond by nodding my head and saying uh uh, minded child knows I mean 'no'. If an older mindee hurt another, they would be given an explanation on how unkind it is to hurt somebody else.

On the subject of your childminder leaving your lo out while her children were eating - that's not acceptable but do check that it was not just a misunderstanding as others have indicated.