Oh bother - how much notice do you give to kids' feelings about childcare?

[Bluebear]

We are trying to find a not-too-expensive alternative to our imperfect nanny. I finally find a childminder that not only does the pick ups from the right school but also has 2 vacancies which will just about do for my children.
We've emailed, spoken, seen the draft contracts, visted, seen lots of impressive pictures and timetables and certificates and we are sure that she would provide better childcare than nanny...but....she has a young daughter who spent the time of our visit by saying 'big sticky poo, wee, bot' at regular intervals (not because she needed the toilet, just out of fun, as you do)...and ds has taken great offence to it.
So, do I rail road him into accepting this childminder (and her 'rude' daughter, or do I hang on with current nanny in the knowledge that in 5 years of keeping an eye open this is the only local CM who comes close to having the right vacancies.
I've tried suggesting to him that he has a 'trial' day (it's only before and after school really) but he is adamant he doesn't want to see the girl again.

[pointydog]

personally I would railroad the kids into it. I make the childcare decisions, I tell 'em what's happening and there's no negotiation.

Which sounds hard, but it's a difficult stressful business finding suitable childcare.

I do feel for you 'cause children find it just as hard to adapt to change as adults and it must be pretty crappy at the beginning not being able to relax when you want in your own house.

[Ladymuck]

Well it is possible to get a temp nanny, but note the issue about cost.

My personal instinct would be to avoid the situation and get something else, but I may be biased because we're not that short of cash. Is there anyway of stretching your budget for the 6 months or so that you might need to get a dedicated nanny?

Sorry - it is horrible when you feel forced into compromises on childcare isn't it? I guess you could also talk to the childminder about it and get her views? She sounds very good so would be interesting to get her input too?

[wakeupandsmellthecoffee]

just a thought ,could you not let one of the DC sleep in your bed room and get the au pair now .

[Bluebear]

In theory the room is big enough for us to share (although we would have to move both of them in to avoid really bad bedtime riots) - In practise I think it will be easier to sell the house if beds are in normal places (house goes 'on the market' first weekend in feb, so not long to go now).
My plan for now is to suggest another visit to ds and, if I can persuade him into it, email CM and explain the problem, then re-visit and see what happens.
If that plan fails I'll stick with dodgy nanny for now and when all rooms are painted etc. will raise issue of au pair/live-in nanny with dh....since dh is away from home 4 nights a week I'd quite like the company, so it's worth a thought....wonder if we recruit an au pair to stay in west london, whether they'ld move with us to a tiny village - hee hee.

Thank you to everyone for your help.

[nannynick]

Have you told him that it is what you want to happen... he may be telling you his view based on what he thinks you want to hear.

Aim for the second visit, make it a longer stay if possible so that he gets more time to get used to the new environment.

See if the CM has anything which your DS is currently into... toys/games that sort of thing related to your DS current favourite topic.

[tigermoth]

It's a diffucult one as you say your son is quite sensitive to other children and also dislikes change.

But, if you don't progress with this CM due to his views about the girl, it might be setting a precedent.(You say he has done sort of thing before). He might start thinking he only has to say he does not like someone and you will do as he says. So at the very least, if you decide to drop the CM, I would tell him someone else took the vacancy etc, not that you are doing it because he didn't like the girl.

I was going to suggest the same as babynick - get your ds to go for a trial day and ask the CM to do an activity that your ds particularly enjoys.

[StrawberrySnowflakes]

my dd recently went through a stage of calling everything poop or poopy head, she thought it was hilarious, i said it wasnt nice, school said it wasnt nice, didnt 'tell her off' really though as its just a word shes picked up and never bothers now..friend and her ds were astounded when they heard her say it???..kids are kids, they pick up words(and he had a habit of saying 'bugger' when his mum wasnt around!..d rather a 3 yr old say poop than bugger!)
if thats the 'only' problem id try your ds on a trial day, hell prob love it

[lmcalder]

oh!

The poor cm - I remember when my son did something really embarrasing when I had a prospective client round. I was mortified. My son was just excited and this was how he dealt with it. The parents did decide to send their child to my obviously 'mad house'!!!

I would arrange another visit - try explaining to your son that she is a bit younger (or tell him the truth - that girls do & say weird things!!!)

Good luck