Mother's helper? Nanny? Or au pair?

[Nickname1980]

It's probably much to early to ask this question! But I'd love your shared wisdom.

I have a 2-year-old and am pregnant again, which is very happy news for me. I really enjoy being a stay-at-home mum, I actually love it, but - honestly - I'm a little lonely and a little fed up of doing all the housework and staying in alllll the time in the evening. I also run my own business from home.

I have lots of friends and do lots of activities. I don't need to do more of that. But I don't have any real family help apart from the odd babysitting once a month.

When the new baby comes, I would just like someone to share the load with a little. Not loads, just a little. Someone to help out with house stuff, too. And someone to just be around! My 2-year-old goes to nursery a couple of days a week and will continue to do so.

Is it mad to get a nanny/au pair/ mother's helper? And which is right for me? I'd consider live-in to make it cheaper.

I'm one of those people who is crap on their own. I love people! My own mother isn't around anymore and my husband works a lot and fairly late.

Would love your advice! Maybe I'd hate someone telling me what to do with the kids or around my house all the time?! But I just totally think "it takes a village" and I don't really have one, as most people don't these days, so wondering if I should employ one?!?! I'm not mega rich so not even sure if I can afford it!

Have also thought loads about a postnatal doula, too.

Thank you in advance!!!

For the UK, best to follow this advice:

underneaththeash Tue 14-Feb-17 10:13:52

mrsshod - I think Brits are up tight about it as its not legal.
There is no basis in English law (and you may even fall fowl of anti-slavery legislation) for someone working for you without pay, even if they are happy it with situation. The must either be an employee, i which case you must minimum wage minus the acomadation onset, or an au pair and you have to pay "reasonable pocket money".

Incidentally we do have au pairs and they're great, but we make sure they are paid.

want2b - not any longer in the UK, it used to be up until a couple of years ago, but then the law was tightened to prevent people taking the mickey.
OVienna's post link explains it and if you google au pairs and government, that explains the situation for au pairs.

To be fair, I don't know how employers offering 'unpaid' internships in business manage this - but these positions exist. It's an interesting question but I wouldn't advise mothers out there to try to manage their childcare needs on a similar arrangement.

There is a college that offers childcare training near us and they did have a scheme where the student could come and 'train' with you, unpaid, but it was very prescribed. You had to be there and they had a lot of control over the hours, days, amount of time etc.

Yeah I saw. It's a joke. The value of rent is worth far more and you push people into breaking the law with such stupid rules. My sister lived rent free in London when she first moved there in exchange for getting a child to school and evening babysitting. Saved my sister from paying £400 a month, the cost of food and utilities.

THe trouble with these informal arrangements is, all you would need is one nutter who decided she didn't like something about you/it, even though she'd agreed to it. If she reported the parents, and claimed she'd been hired as a nanny, they could be liable for back pay and tax, plus a fine, plus God knows what if they broke the law from an immigration standpoint. So- it' really is better to inform yourself of what is actually correct in the country' you're in. In any case - people reading this should all HMRC/Home Office and not even take our word for it...

A few years ago there was a mum on here whose au pair went to Citizen's Advice to query their arrangement. It was fine in the end but very stressful.

I am a nanny. Mothers helpers are classed as childcare help whilst the parent is in the house during their work hours. They can be asked to muck in with household chores, cooking and errands. They are not usually experienced enough to be sole charge. Au pairs are employed for fewer hours with less experience, on a much lower pay scale as they generally have little or less experience. Nannies should be experienced 2 years plus sole charge minimum. They are required to do full days and longer hours with more responsibility. You can expect some home help with childrens laundry and cooking but not general housekeeping work. Again all of above should have current first aid, dbs or pvg security checks and checkable references.